If you will look at my post 7 on the first page of this thread, you will find a couple of characteristics of a "strong" thesis statement. I shall comment below on your TS on the basis of those same points;

1- Short and to the point. Your TS covers this point pretty strongly. It's short and your point is clear.
2. Is an opinion. TS has to be a point of view even if it is not an argumentative essay. Whenever you are writing you are writing through a certain perspective and in expository essays more than anything else it's important to remember how that perspective can (and will) influence your arguments. I feel your TS is valid but the claim is too general to be taken seriously. Your TS is literally the topic itself. What a stronger TS will do is tell the reader what you think about the topic asked and what will you try to prove. I will illustrate what I mean better with an example at the end.
3. Specific and precise. Your TS is both but it lacks some detail. Again this will be explained better with an example at the end.
4. So what? The So what addition to the TS is not commonly seen in expository essays simply because the reader isn't being "persuaded" instead is just being fed information and we don't really need to make him or her invested. So this point won't apply to your TS.


Moving on with an example. Let's take the topic you have chosen yourself; "Promoting tourism in Pakistan: opportunities and challenges"

THESIS STATEMENT: Being very uniquely placed geographically and politically, Pakistan has unique opportunities to promote development through it's tourism sector, but there are a lot of challenges which stand in the way of the country making full use of what would otherwise appear as a very lucrative industry.


Notice above that I've made very specific claims about the topic. I've added details and also am going to try and prove a certain perspective. As you will notice I have not said anything new, these are things most people would agree on and in fact both of us if we write the essay would be using much of the same arguments but with a TS like this those arguments would try to support a opinion. As you can see I've also included very specific details. I've said that it's because of geographical and political position that we even have these opportunities to begin with, you can disagree but my essay and it's arguments will try and give information to back that up .

There is a very popular type of thesis statement which is called the three pronged approach. I'm sure you've heard of it but basically when using that you give three very specific details about what you are going to talk about- this applies to expository essays as well. For example if someone has asked you to write an essay on why Hitchcock is considered an excellent director you can say, "Owing to his ability to create suspense, mould memorable characters and capture engaging stories, Alfred Hitchcock is considered one of the greatest directors of all time." Now this is a very specific opinion since I've attributed Hitchcock's success to three things and my essay (which may have more arguments and information to give) will be written to support this claim of mine. So in adopting a TS approach like this one you can write a strong and memorable TS for an expository essay.

Also remember that writing is highly subjective but these were my thoughts. I hope they were useful.

Thanks madam.
i thought to write TS included 2,3 main points at exam, but being on safe side I just did this. As I brainstormed many points of opportunities and challenges, so it was difficult for me to pick specific point like u did in given example.
Lets hope for good.
Again thanks for your valuable time. 🙂

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Thanks sister for your analysis. Waiting for other aspects to be reviewed. And about “again” i can understand.

Sir, thank you very much for your valuable feedback.
1- You have recommended to define "education" in outlines. Please will you elaborate this point that how it can be defined or how one can frame this one liner.
2- I, myself, note this disruption in my introduction. I have written introduction on pattern as general beginning followed by thesis statement, glimpses of outlines and then endorsement of thesis statement. My thesis stament is, "The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels."
3- According to your suggested order, thesis statement will be at two places in introduction.
i- "The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses." It will be followed by glimpses of outlines where it has been urged how future of Pakistan lies in education.
ii- "However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels." This part will be followed by summary of outlines where problems and their remedies have been mentioned.

By doing this, thesis statement of my essay will be at two different places in introduction. Is this ok, sir?
Looking forward for a detail guidance.
Thanks in advance!


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Here is my review about it.

2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses? The arguments raised under this heading are disordered, ambiguous in their description and less convincing. Though, i get what argument you are trying to make under it. But, lack of clarity breeds lack of interest for the examiner.

2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy. This, for instance, is an unclear argument (making it tad irrelevant). Try making clear stance, if you can use one-liners/a sentence. And, this point does not sound correct to be at top of other. Try placing most important first and then going down, logically.

2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan. Skill-based/technical education would be better here. The word skill only does not give right sense and break flow.

2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy. Again, breaking flow of thoughts

2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony. This seems pretty convincing argument. On a lighter note, avoid using sentences in the outline that use "and." Though, nothing wrong, but using too much of them projects that candidate lacks words and clarity in expressing himself.
While, 2.5, 2,6 and 2.7 seem just fine.
I would prefer short sentence or more often one word substitution in the outline rather than long sentences. Because i'm laconic mostly. @Aishalam had already defined that use of sentences/words in outline in her earlier post. And, its on you to either go for it.

4- How can the rotten education system be fixed? Don't use such "rotten" expressions in the outline. it projects vitriolic formation of ones thought.


Coming to the introduction:
"It is education what ('that' would be better here) makes one/oneself a useful member of his (his seemed alien in the sentence so to make sense it required) society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace."
"The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses." (considering this, you should break your outline respective socio-economic and political headings. Second, TS is still not so concrete. Try writing more concrete one followed by few arguments to substantiate it).

"However, the currently rotten education system..." Currently is not be used here, adjectives like 'current, present, contemporary' etc would better suit here. And, the entire sentence doesn't seem to fit here. because it is again followed by sentences connecting to the TS. So find right placement.

Thoughts, follow same sequence in your introduction as in the outline. This way you will learn to make alignment. Be clear, concise and selective in your outline.
Hope it helps!

How far can digitalization help in socio-economic development of Pakistan?

1. Introduction
2. Status of digitalization in Pakistan: A brief overview of past and present
3. Digitalization's development possibilities in economic sector:

a. Creates employment opportunities
b. Broadens tax net
c. Enhance foreign direct investment
d. Increase industrial production
e. Brings efficiency in agriculture
f. Raise export chains
g. Boost GDP

4. Digitalization's development possibilities in social sector:

a. Impart modern education
b. Rapid access to healthcare
c. Improves social security network
d. Fast access to information
e. Reduces constraints for female voters: E-voting
f. Creates upward mobility for women
g. Produces gender equality

5. Conclusion

Kindly share the outline of global power dynamics and pakistan foreign policy

@Aishalam critical analysis is anticipated.

Introduction:

What drives socio-economic development of a country remains a question of endless debates, distinctively answered by people belonging to various fields. For that reason, placing digitalization to answer the question it can be seen that, so far, digitalization, a form of modern technology, has revolutionized the entire world. Not only by changing countries' socio-economic fabric, but also by aiding political developments. Therefore, considering such broad set of developments, it can be safely argued that digitalization can prove viable for aiding socio-economic development of Pakistan. It can be so argued on the basis of development possibilities it presents in respective sectors. Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation. Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. Thus, digitalization, no doubt, can yield fruitful results for socio-economic conditions of Pakistan.

Dear Dream, your outline is brief and to the point, albeit well written. I have no idea, whether we should quote recommendations or not in this type of essay, though i have written them.
Your introduction is also fine, but i have noticed a few mistakes.
Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation.
Your this sentence seems to be grammatically incorrect. I think this sentence should continue, if you have used while. I think comma should be used between a few and while. And, it seems that you have used two thesis statements; one at beginning about Pakistan, and one at the bottom. Also, you should consider this sentence: Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. I think it should be : besides, it decreases... and creates....May be i am wrong, others should comment further. Well, your way of English writing is really good.
Also to add something: Members are requested to make this thread alive or else, it will die out. Thanks.

Hafeez thanks for your reviews.
First, Kudos, to my hectic typing on the forum!
After posting i noticed a mistake that is i have used "s" with "can" You can read that loud and clear.
Recommendations did not seem to me in demand. But, its optional. If one can brainstorm and write such long essay including recommendations in 3 hours then go for it.
Anyways, as for the grammatical mistakes pointed out by you i can not agree. "While" is a connector. If i had used comma after or before that (instead of period) it would have made the sentence too long. Therefore, to keep it limited it was necessary. And, "to name a few" is considerable parenthetic statement to place in the last it requires comma.

I get it, after "besides" i should have used simple tense but here it felt good to me (at first i did then i undo that). And, since it is grammatically right, why not continue!
For last sentence, i just wrote as a short reminder and as to end the discussion. If it is wrong i would try to avoid it.