Quote:
Originally Posted by IkhAfridi
Topic: Future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses
1- Introduction
2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses?
2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy.
2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan.
2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy.
2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony.
2.5- Education can ensure women empowerment and their due role in national life of Pakistan.
2.6- Education is a powerful weapon against extremism and militancy.
2.7- Only education can impart a nation with a sense of civic responsibilities.
3- Why the current standing of education in Pakistan does not forecast a bright future?
3.1- Pakistan spends lowest percentage of its GDP in South Asia.
3.2- Parallel education systems result in further widening of divergences in society.
3.3- Social constraints keep women away from education.
3.4- The system is based on rote-learning and transition of informations.
4- How can the rotten education system be fixed?
4.1- Government must give education its due budgetary allocation.
4.2- A uniform education system must be introduced throughout the country.
4.3- Special legislations and incentives can relieve the educational plight of women.
4.4- Emphasis should be on research-based education keeping local problems in focus.
5- Conclusion
Education has been the most effective tool for human development since time immemorial. It is education what makes a useful member of his society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace. The glory of great past civilzation is, by and large, credited to education. In the contemporary world too, countries flourish by the education of their people. Pakistan is certainly not an exception. The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses. However, the currently rotten education system does not forecast any prospects of a bright future and it requires radical changes at policy and implementation levels.There is no denying that only education can shift foundations of Pakistani economy to knowledge and alleviate poverty. Furthermore, true democracy, gender equality and national integration can only be ensured through education.Nevertheless, the present education system of Pakistan does not present any hopes of such a future. This system is faced with grave problems of rote-learning and lack of funds on behalf of government. Moreover, Parallel education systems and social constraints on women education further aggravate the sufferings. Arguably, these problems are not unresolvable and Pakistan can, too, rise to the world stage like Japan and South Korea. For this to occur, both state and society must adopt a firm determination towards this cause.
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Here is my review about it.
2- How future of Pakistan lies in education of its masses?
The arguments raised under this heading are disordered, ambiguous in their description and less convincing. Though, i get what argument you are trying to make under it. But, lack of clarity breeds lack of interest for the examiner.
2.1- World has moved to "Knowledge based economy", so has the survival of Pakistani economy.
This, for instance, is an unclear argument (making it tad irrelevant). Try making clear stance, if you can use one-liners/a sentence. And, this point does not sound correct to be at top of other. Try placing most important first and then going down, logically.
2.2- Skill education can alleviate poverty of masses in Pakistan.
Skill-based/technical education would be better here. The word skill only does not give right sense and break flow.
2.3- Only an enlightened citizenry can reap true fruits of democracy.
Again, breaking flow of thoughts
2.4- Uniform education can create an atmosphere of integration and harmony.
This seems pretty convincing argument. On a lighter note, avoid using sentences in the outline that use "and." Though, nothing wrong, but using too much of them projects that candidate lacks words and clarity in expressing himself.
While, 2.5, 2,6 and 2.7 seem just fine.
I would prefer short sentence or more often one word substitution in the outline rather than long sentences. Because i'm laconic mostly. @Aishalam had already defined that use of sentences/words in outline in her earlier post. And, its on you to either go for it.
4- How can the rotten education system be fixed?
Don't use such "rotten" expressions in the outline. it projects vitriolic formation of ones thought.
Coming to the introduction:
"It is education what
('that' would be better here) makes
one/oneself a useful member of
his (his seemed alien in the sentence so to make sense it required) society or a barbaric savage who threatens the societal peace."
"The socio-economic and political future of Pakistan lies in skill,enlightening and transformative education of its masses."
(considering this, you should break your outline respective socio-economic and political headings. Second, TS is still not so concrete. Try writing more concrete one followed by few arguments to substantiate it).
"However, the currently rotten education system..."
Currently is not be used here, adjectives like 'current, present, contemporary' etc would better suit here. And, the entire sentence doesn't seem to fit here. because it is again followed by sentences connecting to the TS. So find right placement.
Thoughts, follow same sequence in your introduction as in the outline. This way you will learn to make alignment. Be clear, concise and selective in your outline.
Hope it helps!