Quote:
Originally Posted by Innocent Hafeez
Dear Dream, your outline is brief and to the point, albeit well written. I have no idea, whether we should quote recommendations or not in this type of essay, though i have written them.
Your introduction is also fine, but i have noticed a few mistakes.
Economically, it can creates job opportunities, broadens tax net, raise foreign investment and enhance export of Pakistan, to name a few. While, socially, it can impart modern education, fast-track access to healthcare and improve social security network implementation.
Your this sentence seems to be grammatically incorrect. I think this sentence should continue, if you have used while. I think comma should be used between a few and while. And, it seems that you have used two thesis statements; one at beginning about Pakistan, and one at the bottom. Also, you should consider this sentence: Besides, decreasing social constraints for female voters and creating gender equality, at large. I think it should be : besides, it decreases... and creates....May be i am wrong, others should comment further. Well, your way of English writing is really good.
Also to add something: Members are requested to make this thread alive or else, it will die out. Thanks.
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Hafeez thanks for your reviews.
First, Kudos, to my hectic typing on the forum!
After posting i noticed a mistake that is i have used "s" with "can" You can read that loud and clear.
Recommendations did not seem to me in demand. But,
its optional. If one can brainstorm and write such long essay including recommendations in 3 hours then go for it.
Anyways, as for the grammatical mistakes pointed out by you i can not agree. "While" is a connector. If i had used comma after or before that (instead of period) it would have made the sentence too long. Therefore, to keep it limited it was necessary. And, "to name a few" is considerable parenthetic statement to place in the last it requires comma.
I get it, after "besides" i should have used simple tense but here it felt good to me (at first i did then i undo that). And, since it is grammatically right, why not continue!
For last sentence, i just wrote as a short reminder and as to end the discussion. If it is wrong i would try to avoid it.