FAILED CSS EXAM


Congratulations to all those who passed the written exam; best wishes for your upcoming phase.

This night has been the longest & painful night I ever experienced in life as I faced failure for the first time in life; I failed CSS exam —my long-held dream. But then you plan & HE plans; & surely HE is the best planner. Ive been desperately trying to pick myself up, accept the fate & move on. As Marcus Aurelius had said “Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you”

Although this was my first attempt, I had put my best foot forward ever since I embarked on this journey. Had Never cut corners; always chose the longer & stable route. Read the commission’s recommended books for almost all subjects. Compromised my health; lost 2 degress to my eyesight; my social circle was reduced to just a dot where I found my mere aloofness; avoided all the gatherings, parties & events; studied even during Eids. But then you plan & HE plans; verily, HE is the best planner.

It is imperative to mention here that I am not alone to experience this dark, bleak & gloomy night; around 19000 aspirants are getting through the same agony, with some sacrificing much more than I did. But let me tell you my brave lions: YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE; YOU HAD THE GUTS TO TAKE PART IN THIS VICIOUS & unpredictable fray; you HAD THE AUDACITY TO face your FEARS & INSECURITIES head-on.
گرتے ہیں شہسوار ہی میدانِ جنگ میں
وہ طفل کیا گرے گا جو گٹنوں کے بل چلے


This exam was not a ZERO-sum Game either; all the knowledge & skills you acquired during the preparation phase have become part of your personality. Your problem-solving ability, your analytical skills, your critical thinking; your writing skills & your resilience — all making you an extraordinary person. You will shine like a diamond wherever you go; you are not an ordinary being.

In the end, let me share one of my favorite poems with the purpose that it may allay the agony of those who — just like me — could not make it to the list

Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
And to be understood is to be leveled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness
And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.
Poet: Khalil Gibran


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk