Css is nothing but a dream that was seen.....

FAILED CSS EXAM


Congratulations to all those who passed the written exam; best wishes for your upcoming phase.

This night has been the longest & painful night I ever experienced in life as I faced failure for the first time in life; I failed CSS exam —my long-held dream. But then you plan & HE plans; & surely HE is the best planner. Ive been desperately trying to pick myself up, accept the fate & move on. As Marcus Aurelius had said “Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you”

Although this was my first attempt, I had put my best foot forward ever since I embarked on this journey. Had Never cut corners; always chose the longer & stable route. Read the commission’s recommended books for almost all subjects. Compromised my health; lost 2 degress to my eyesight; my social circle was reduced to just a dot where I found my mere aloofness; avoided all the gatherings, parties & events; studied even during Eids. But then you plan & HE plans; verily, HE is the best planner.

It is imperative to mention here that I am not alone to experience this dark, bleak & gloomy night; around 19000 aspirants are getting through the same agony, with some sacrificing much more than I did. But let me tell you my brave lions: YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE; YOU HAD THE GUTS TO TAKE PART IN THIS VICIOUS & unpredictable fray; you HAD THE AUDACITY TO face your FEARS & INSECURITIES head-on.
گرتے ہیں شہسوار ہی میدانِ جنگ میں
وہ طفل کیا گرے گا جو گٹنوں کے بل چلے


This exam was not a ZERO-sum Game either; all the knowledge & skills you acquired during the preparation phase have become part of your personality. Your problem-solving ability, your analytical skills, your critical thinking; your writing skills & your resilience — all making you an extraordinary person. You will shine like a diamond wherever you go; you are not an ordinary being.

In the end, let me share one of my favorite poems with the purpose that it may allay the agony of those who — just like me — could not make it to the list

Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness;
You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs,
And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory.

Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance,
Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot
And not to be trapped by withering laurels.
And in you I have found aloneness
And the joy of being shunned and scorned.

Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield,
In your eyes I have read
That to be enthroned is to be enslaved,
And to be understood is to be leveled down,
And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness
And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed.

Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion,
You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences,
And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings,
And urging of seas,
And of mountains that burn in the night,
And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul.

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.
Poet: Khalil Gibran


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I don’t know who needs to read this, but I do know that it’s important enough to be written – even if I have to create an account to post it here.

For those who have cleared the written exam, please don’t take my opinion as an indictment on your achievement; congratulations on passing and best of luck with the rest of the process.

For those who did not pass the written exam, reading this post is unlikely to make you feel less sad, depressed and disappointed. But – with the shared optimism that forces us to appear for a highly arbitrary, outdated, mismanaged & overhyped exam such as the CSS despite such skewed, random & implausible odds of passing – I will nevertheless try.

It is time to confront the elephant in the room: we have been tricked! The lack of state welfare, unpredictability of jobs in the private sector and historical concentration of power with executive state institutions has all conditioned and brainwashed us into believing that a career in bureaucracy offers a Pakistani citizen one of the only stable ways of leading a life that can be deemed a success. And the perpetuation of this belief by our generation of elders has ensured that this brainwashing continues to be inherited down.

But this is a hoax: the CSS - unfortunately - is a gateway to glorified mediocrity, and nothing more. In an increasingly capitalist society, careers in the private sector - apart from being more objectively meritocratic - can be much more lucrative, rewarding and satisfying. Likewise, the barriers to entry for setting up entrepreneurial ventures despite little to no funds are the lowest they have ever been, not to mention the unprecedented gains one can now make using the internet and technology. And then there is the possibility of immigrating to another country where you are more appropriately compensated for your skills whilst getting access to great social welfare.

Now obviously this is just the opinion of a 3-time-failing bitter candidate, who probably would not have made this post had he passed (and I’ll own that hypocrisy), but I think no one else has an incentive to inform you about the ugly truth buried underneath the exaggerated glamour masquerading the gritty life of a CSP Officer. Sure, well intentioned people can and often do pursue the CSS to serve the country. But that doesn’t disprove the brainwashing that happens around that pursuit. I cannot disagree with the unfortunate fact that passing the CSS increases your social mobility overnight unlike any other thing in Pakistan. And my privilege prevents me from understanding the true extent of the helplessness and desperation aspirants feel. But the unreasonable and supremely one-dimensional extent to which our society overvalues performance in the CSS as a sole metric for success ends up destroying the mental health of aspirants from underprivileged backgrounds. And the regrettable irony is that the arbitrariness involved in checking the written exams (mostly by aged university academics with archaic marking rubrics) only benefits those privileged by birth; in the form of learning English from an early age, easily affording expensive academies, having the guidance of friends or family members who are CSPs and not worrying about taking time off from work. In fact, the most empowering change for underprivileged aspiring candidates would have been, at the very least, to make Urdu a compulsory subject for the written exam, which still hasn’t happened and is symptomatic of this exam’s ugly colonial remnants.

Having said all of this, if you still have attempts remaining, haven’t appeared at all yet or have cleared the written, it might behoove you to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook about what this exam is, your ability to hopefully clear it and the impact it can have on improving your life. That doesn’t mean that you need to automatically disagree with my opinion; in fact, it can be liberating to approach the CSS with a pressure-free mindset where you accept ultimate failure as a possible outcome despite the magnitude of your hard work. But if, like me, you have failed the written exam for the 3rd and last time, it is important to move on, knowing that - on some level - we were tricked into believing this was the only thing that mattered; and you should not equate your failure as a fair reflection of your true capabilities. It might not be possible to convince the people around us about this fact, but the journey to building the necessary mental fortitude and healing from this heartache starts from self-acceptance.

Because not being 1 of 393 candidates out of the 20,262 candidates who appeared for a written exam, comprising of 12 - almost consecutive – 3 hour papers in the heat of May, checked under one of the most arbitrary and secretive exam rubrics in the world (where the thickness of your marker’s tip and your handwriting rather than the substance of your answers can be the difference between passing & failing), the result of which is announced after more than half a year and the entire process concluded in almost 1.5 to 2 years – one of the longest and least efficient recruitment processes for any bureaucracy in the world, only to transition into a lifelong career where you earn close to GDP (PPP) per capita on average (Pakistan ranking 134th in the world) and forced into a deeply entrenched system of corruption for advancement or even survival, seems nothing to lose sleep over.

Couldn't have explained better. I'm an engineer, graduated in 2019. I wanted to settle here initially. Pms/css seemed lucrative. Had a very good chance to immigrate to Australia right away. But didn't even apply for it.css 2019 was my first attempt and i flunked in essay. Appeared for pms 2020 and scored 738 with a failed essay. It was a very good score for the allocation. Appeared in css 2021 and passed it. I thought I'd have scored well in the written but i was wrong. Result : went unallocated. I picked myself up fro the last attempt. Again, appeared in mocks, wrote 10 essays in the span of 2.5 months. And yet I've failed. Though I've just passed pms 2021.
My friends who immigrated right away are now earning in dollars. I'd suggest everyone to please just look at the condition of Pakistan.. I know now a lot of people in bureaucracy, and they are telling me that every senior bureaucrat, ctp 30 onwards, is trying for permanent residence of some developed country. I won't discourage anyone to appear for this coming css but please if you're just starting it, consider other options as well and do a rational comparison..
I've cleared both exams during the span of last 3 years and a couple of other grade 17 as well, though yet to see my name in the final list, but in hindsight I'm questioning my decisions...

Thank you for saying that.

__________________
Salam Ya Hussain (A.S)

You did well, there's no need to question your decision. You learnt your lesson and best lessons for life are learnt in a hard way. My best wishes for your future endeavors.

__________________
Salam Ya Hussain (A.S)

CSS is waste of time. Some people who didn't work that hard cleared it while others who burnt night oil failed it. Probably Pakistan is still behind many other countries die to this reason. The examiners are not evaluating people rightly in every sector.

It takes more courage to handle failure than success. Embrace what ever it is, and move ahead. InshaAllah, Allah will open more better doors. Ameen

I don't think so.. One has to work hard but a lot of people put hard work.. After that, it's luck..

Good luck for your future endeavors guys.


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