Good work...
I must say it's a pretty good attempt, the views presented seem genuine and flow of thoughts is natural.
As far as critical comments are concerned, I would recommend a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis for describing such a topic.
Start is good (as I can't doubt the quote's credibility without being sure otherwise) but the concluding words need to be more comprehensive and endorsing.
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Long Live my Homeland
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