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Originally Posted by Saleeqa Batool
@ Sajid A. Balouch
i have tried to remove the mistake please review it once more.
Children Have No Childhood in Pakistan.
The real beauty of life lies in childhood but confronting the hardships of life in this age, blurs its colours and this situation is quite prevalent in Pakistan. Our country is flooded with socio economic problems engulfing the beauties and charms of infancy.
Poverty is the biggest enemy of kids, forcing them to physical labour and depriving them from quality education. A report of Federal Bureau of Statistics reveals that 3.8 Million children of age group 5 to 14 are labouring in Pakistan to support the financial needs of their families. It also discloses that Pakistan is second amongst the countries of world with highest number of children who do not go to school.
Majority of school going children is enrolled either in Government schools are low standard private schools. These schools normally lack the proper facilities of education and recreation and resultantly students remain deprived from quality learning and sufficient opportunities of personality development, according to the needs of modern age.
Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud, the renowned Psychologist, has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years. A kid has to grow and ultimately assume the responsibility of real life thus they are future of the nation. By depriving them from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching colors of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
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Good attempt...keep continue your efforts...
I have rephrased it as...(mistakes are welcome
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A big number of children in Pakistan has to live a childhood which is devoid of its beauties. The childhood of children gets spoiled as they have to face the hardships being caused by the socio-economic challenges prevalent in Pakistan. The country is flooded with immense challenges which tend to wither the beauties and charms of childhood, particularly of those belonging to poor strata.
The menace of poverty leads to child labour which affects the education prospects of these children in Pakistan. A report of Federal Bureau of Statistics reveals that 3.8 Million children of age group 5 to 14 are labouring in Pakistan to meet the financial needs of their families. It also discloses that Pakistan is second amongst the countries of the world having highest number of children who do not go to school. The state of the affairs deprive children of the beauties of their tender age.
Majority of school going children is enrolled either in government schools or in low standard private schools. These schools normally lack the proper facilities which badly affect learning, personality development and other needs of children.
Infant age is crucial in personality development. Freud, the renowned Psychologist, has said that initial five years of age determine one’s path for his upcoming fifty years. The above-mentioned children in Pakistan generally lack proper attention in these basic years of his growth. By depriving children from sufficient opportunities of recreation, learning and personality development, we not only stand guilty for snatching their colours of infancy but also commit the offence of preparing incapable leadership for future.
Note:
dear improve structures...dont lengthen sentences...one sentence for one idea, and two for two...mention the topic in between your writing to show your relevance with the topic...Other tips with other writings...till then chao chao