although, i am not your senior, let me add some comments on your essay.

first look out for your sentences. you are using too long sentences which makes it difficult for the reader to comprehend your writing. Like " Talibanisation is a growing phenomenon of International concern changing the course of International diplomacy thus nation’s world over have been overwhelmed by altering International scenario owing to the prevalence of extremist Ideologies propagated by extreme measures"
this sentence must be ended at "diplomacy"

let see in the following paragraph it is not so clear where the sentence ends, where it starts and it is not separting the ideas. "Taliban’s (calling themselves religious students) a group of people with their own religio-social Ideology following its own rules of set principles resorting to extreme interpretable rational of religion provided with extreme measures for the attainment of given goals under the pretext of religion and people who follows their Ideology thus helps promote talibanisation, Talibanisation started with soviet invasion of Afghanistan in 1979 Mujhadins (known as holy warriors) who started resisting soviets revered as heroes attracted a lot of young men from the neighboring and Islamic countries with the help of Pakistani government and U.S contingency on the behest of holy war moreover young men were brought from Islamic countries by C.I.A to fight a holy war religious seminaries were turned into training grounds propagating their own version of hard line Islam turning young moderate men into extremists on the name of holy war not to say it was actually a version of cold war fought on afghan soil, money kept pumping in from C.I.A and channelized by ISI led to success in war and utter withdrawal of Russians from Afghanistan furthermore fulfilled the American motives in disintegrating U.S.S.R. "

no doubt, you have made a good effort but you need to concentrate on the sentence structure, use of right word at the right place. you r better in vocabulary but you need to practice composition. i wd suggest you to read editorial of dawn news regularly and rewrite it. practice the sentence structure composition and streamlining of the ideas, and again and again read the same editorial. have two or three dictionaries on your computer and do all this on your computer. i would give u a sample in the next post.