So you got me into a nice little trouble, Thanks.


@redmax

I just speed read your essay and I don't think this topic has ever appeared in CSS Essay exam. This doesn't make it a topic not worthy of writing an essay on but you know we CSS people are used to some certain kinds of topics. Therefore, it would have been easier for me if your topic was closer to what we get in the actual exam.

However, there are some points I'd share

1) I posted a humble analysis for lifemysterious786's essay at this link, kindly have a look at it, I am sure you'll understand a few points especially regarding the outline and why I prefer a more elaborate one.

2) Your opening paragraphs suggest that you know how to start an essay, you can make improvements in terms of content however.

3) You made a mess of the essay in its main body by repeating the same phrase over and over again. That made the essay look like a speech. (said in good humor, no offence intended)

4) The examples you gave are relevant but that's all you talked about i.e. examples from current affairs. You should have stretched the parameters of the essay a bit to the role of religion, intellectual works, theories, historical instances and role of organizations and wars etc. Sky is the limit when it comes to stretching the scope and this is where you have to carefully select which detail to include and which not.

5) You can write a decent sentence but don't stop here, it can be improved further.

6) Just as I suggested to lifemysterious786, I'd suggest you to search the internet a bit for professionally written sample essays on socio-political topics (or any other genre of topics as you prefer). This will help you understand how to create and control the flow in your essay, which is crucially important for your write-up to stand out from others.

That's all I can say for now. Let me know if you don't agree with these points or have any questions.

Regards

__________________
When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk. ~ The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly