I have written an essay on topic take from 2010 essay paper . I just want to ask about my expression and openion, if its right or not. Rest its not at all a prepared attempt. So forgive me for the mistakes. And please suggest new dimensions to the thoughts.



Can women be equal to men in Pakistan?
-Male domination
-Conservative society
-Social mindsets
-Everything is possible
-Current state of women in Pakistan
-Mullah feudal alliance
-Social factors
-How to improve

Pakistan is an ideological nation-state, very unique in its very own history and complex in nature. All the factors of being under developed are still in highlight. Basically a male dominated society. Hit by severe wave of terrorism, illiteracy, bad governance, energy crisis, unemployment and now floods, women empowerment seems a far cry.
The mind set of our society is male dominated. Women don’t know their rights and don’t want their rights. Their role is determined within the confined walls of home. Bringing and raising kids and looking after the home is the basic job of women in mostly underdeveloped countries including Pakistan.
Conservative mindsets and narrow mindedness is the main characteristic mostly in rural areas in both men and women. Illiteracy halts what hope of change could be brought through education.
So “No”, women in Pakistan cannot come equal to men. Not at least in this bleak present scenario. Even if government encourages, illiterate society won’t let it happen, won’t accept. The mind set way too settled.
With the exception of few elites, woman in Pakistan is mostly a hard worker, weak in health, uneducated and unaware of her rights and mainly dominated by the men of family, may it be her father, brother, son, husband or elders of the family.
Bearing children and doing routine house chores like cooking, cleaning and washing are the main duties of eastern women. In rural areas they not only maintain all these but go out and work in fields, mainly in Sindh and Punjab. Mostly teaching and nursing are the professions of those who somehow manage to get education and join careers. Bonded labor is still in Sindh rural areas.
But the main point is that most of them are happy and satisfied with in their roles. They don’t wish to go out and join careers. Unawareness is common. They develop this mindset. Their life is restricted to their family and house. They lack any enthusiasm to be something, to do something for their country or humanity. They don’t very much bother who’s in politics and who’s not. Their main concerns revolve around food shelter and clothing. Livestock is their rare possession.
In a way, it sounds good for family life. Seems to make a balance in a house, husband working, wife bearing children. But it don’t look so picturesque for a country whose sixty percent population is youth and fifty two percent of total population is female. If our women don’t participate in the process of development, don’t get educated and can’t provide us a more civilized society then it makes a horrible picture of our future.
Lack of education is not the only problem behind backwardness of our women. Main problem is mindset of both men and women. Lack of awareness, rights, manners, civilization, humbleness, open mindedness, balance, tolerance and finances together makes the problem grave.
Recent mushroom growth of media might able to solve the problem of awareness in women, but changing mindsets of dominating males seems a far cry. We need more than just media to change the mindsets.
Example of Bangladesh is very good to follow. It kills many birds with one stone. Interest free small loans for women by a business man changed a big portion of their society. Women were encouraged to be empowered. First it helped the economic process flow better. Second, it checked the population growth which was very fast. And most important, it empowered women. Empowering women comes with more fruits including awareness, education, rights and more civilized mothers. It cuts unemployment as well which is another big cause of over population.
So, we can say that women in Pakistan cannot be equal to men unless we change the mindsets, improve education in women, empower them, defuse awareness among them, and improve health facilities for them. For this, we need a change in the overall structure of the society by fighting mullah and feudal system which is in the roots of our rural areas. Development is not possible in rural areas without consent of Mullah-feudal alliance. And they never want to set free their bonded labor with the help of education and so awareness of any right.
Our middle class is also in the shackles of conservatism. Even when they get education to a certain level, they can’t go beyond a certain level. They can’t fight for their rights even when they are aware of them. Their men can’t stop being dominating even when they know it’s not very civilized. They are not open for changes. They are still not very well participating in the development process of the country. They too mostly can’t think besides their own life, family, kids and finances. Even if they learn to debate about women rights, start participating in human rights issues. They add no good to their homes and families. They bring no change to their own mindsets. They are no more useful for the society then a common rural folks. They won’t participate in movements against bad. All they can do is talk. Our newly educated class can so far talk only. They haven’t moved to the next more important step of implementation yet.
Even in such bleak scenario, a ray of hope is increasing. A gradual evolution is right there taking place within the hearts and minds of people of Pakistan and a big change could be anticipated mainly due to back to back bad governance. Once the feudal system is cut through, and awareness is there, no evil alliance could keep the women of Pakistan from being where its due place is.

It's a good attempt however I think you should discuss what is meant by equality in the first paragraph and then come to the current male domination scenario..It's only what I think, I may be wrong.. Keep it up..

NO...you are right...can u help me in that? Write something on it?

__________________
***There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly***

My outline for the essay

What is equality of gender
Gender equality history
Are women equal to men in World
Can they be equal in pakistan
What measure should be taken for gender equality in pakistan
Conclusion

Will upload my essya sometime.
i got 45 marks in it

Nice Effort: Below is the outline that i wrote in CSS2010


Can Women be Equal to Men in Pakistan

Outline
Prologue (to give it a nice start, a general discussion about the topic and stressed that it is not a new topic here in Pakistan --it has been debated in the past and stuff, with the end line being that the purpose of this essay is not to bleed the old wounds but to find a logical answer to the question asked)
Definition of Equality (what is equality: i defined it equality before law, equal protection of life, equal opportunities for jobs/education/health facilities etc: This would limit the checker to my definition of Equality)
Reigning view about Equality (ISlamic, Western and the Hybrid (I named it Islawest ), i named their basics and their pros and cons)
The present plight of women of Pakistan
Hurdles in bringing Equality (Feudalism, Lack of Education etc)
How Can be equality obtained (Role of Law, Role of Society)
The sunny side for the women of Pakistan.
Conclusion

it was a 10-12 sides essay ...

__________________
Umar Abbas Babar
I Know I am Bad But When Bad is the Best, Bad is the Only Choice

Wow.....do you know how obliged would i be if you write the complete essay. I don't want you to waste your time...just do ur casual practice with essays and paste here....It would be a treasure for us.

__________________
***There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly***

always try to start ur essey with a beautiful quote.it gives a good impression.

__________________
Mere fana honay mei meri fana ka fana hona ha
Ar meine apni fanaa mei ae khuda tujhy payaa...!

Women, their nature, sexuality, role in the society, and their status in a male dominated world has always been a source of fascination, a food for thought, a topic for research and an inspiration for many poets. However, over the past few years, the status of women and the rights that they own have been closely debated. After countless discussions, innumerable books, and emotionally moving shows over the TV, this debate remains as contestable as ever. Indeed it is nearly impossible to reach a conclusion in a single sitting, or a single essay. Recently, this debate has also hit the shores of the minds of Pakistani intelligentsia, riding on the waves of media and education. The purpose of this particular effort is to identify and explain the different aspects of this multi-faceted debate i.e. “Can Women be Equal to Men in Pakistan?”.
It is sad indeed to notice this debate being contested heavily all around us in an age where the populace of this planet can rightly boast about their technical, economic, cultural and social advancements. Pakistan is no exception. Yet it is thought provoking that how many of us, who are always so eager to jump into such discussions, have ever defined the term “equality” properly. Perhaps this particular foray into a land so vastly explored by today’s experts will prove fruitful if we first define what we actually mean by equality when we ask the question “Can Women be equal to Men in Pakistan?”
Equality in the context of this paper means unbiased, not moved by emotions or hormones, having a respectful approach towards the differences and the different needs due to those differences between the sexually different human beings. Relating to women in our society, equality would generally mean, equal opportunities for protection of life, honor and property. It would also fetch the rights of treatment at par with the male gender before the law. The offshoots of this equality would further demand equal opportunities for education, health, and entertainment facilities. Furthermore, the term equality will also encompass the right to choose the field/job, right of association, right to choose freely between different options. Hence when we talk of equality in this paper, it means having access to all those facilities and privileges that a son of Adam enjoys in this Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
Having understood the context of equality in our case, one needs to look around for some established orders/mechanism/ideologies which ensure such equality. Different cultures provide different levels of equality to their womenfolk while following different ideologies. All such ideologies are either moved by religious convictions, vested interests or being triggered by political or social forces. With different motives and backgrounds all such reigning ideologies about women’s place in the society have different characteristics, accompanied with their pros and cons.
The first and foremost of all such ideologies is the one that may be aptly called the Islamic ideology about women’s place in a society or women’s equality to men in a society. It should be noted that Islam, a religion spreading from Mecca under the leadership of Hazrat Muhammad P.B.U.H, was the first social agent that raised the daughter of Eve to her due position and considerably improved upon her hapless situation. Although historians have pointed out to the liberties enjoyed by Roman and Greek women, but we need to bear in mind that all such liberties never ensured their equality. For example, in the Roman era, although a woman had considerable liberty but she could not own property on her own. So somewhere down the lane, she was always tied to the guy in her life. Islam not only uprooted the evil traditions and ideologies regarding women but also ensured that a women reaches such a pinnacle where she is no more a human being, but at time she is next only to God. Islam restored the women her long lost rights and privileges and ensured that she no longer serves as a serf to the males in her life. The laws of Islam, the rights and duties as specified by Islamic Shariah, and the role of Women in an Islamic society form the Islamic Ideology regarding the Women’s equality in a society.
The second form of equality, the one we are all accustomed to these days and is quite well known to us, was triggered by the Industrial Revolution. The Industrial Revolution not only increased the output from the Industries, but also increased the demand for labor. With women forming almost 50% of the population in almost all parts of the world, it was naturally felt that they formed a cheap source of labor in the industries that were used to power the Imperialist stampede in the late 18th and early 19th centuries. Therefore we see a marked increase in both the women and child labor in the European countries of those ages. The Great World Wars accelerated such processes. For example, during WW2, women were vastly employed in the industries manufacturing weapons and ammunition. Thus the West slowly and reluctantly gave way to women equality under the economic pressure. The best example is that till late 19th century if you were a woman in United Kingdom, you could not own a property and in case the woman was married, the husband was entitled to have the rent from all her property. Thus we see that as this system was motivated by financial benefits rather than a sympathy for the plight of the womenfolk. With the passage of time, this system evolved into a systematic exploitation of the weaker sex. Thus on the surface, we have a satisfied woman, who is equal to men in her society, yet she has lost all the benefits that her sex provides her. Instead of being a companion and source of comfort to the loved ones around her, she finds herself a sex machine, and a source of entertainment to others. The liberty that we see is basically the degradation of the purity that is so beautiful about the daughter of Eve. Such a system can be usually associated with the Western Countries, therefore in our case we will call it a Western mode of Equality or a Western System of Equality.
The third form of equality, the one that reigns in Pakistan, is the newest ideological development and is a product of the late 20th century. In almost all the Muslim countries, the Islamic Shariah and the Western Ideologies have been mixed up to produced something which we may call a Hybrid Islamic system of Equality. In such a system, the society chooses a few pro points from the Islamic Ideology and a few from the Western system and expects it to work well. For example, the voting rights from the Western Civilization is amalgamated with the expectation that a mother will be respected by her son or the right to choose a husband etc. Such a system has inherent problems in itself.

i couldnt juss write more than this hehe...stamina hi nai raha :P

__________________
Umar Abbas Babar
I Know I am Bad But When Bad is the Best, Bad is the Only Choice

If you couldn't pass CSS 2010, then God help me. I am grateful...will be waiting for the next part. Plz share your view about the question....Can?
coz you can't ignore existing male domination which is definitely exploited. And we can't call them rights provided by our religion. Women are needed for every kind of labor, in Pakistan (mostly rural areas) and no liberty to move around, choose and express. I am talking about small things that make big difference.
Our society is not civilized to provide women the due comfort.

__________________
***There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly***

First off, I am a 2010 qualifier and I attempted the essay "All humans are born equal in dignity and rights but they are in shackles everywhere." I am no authority on essay writing but I have some thoughts and I'll share them with you.

The purpose of an outline is to help you collect your thoughts by jotting down the points more or less in the same order as you plan to expand in the essay. So what you need is a more elaborate outline covering the topic from the very introductory thoughts to the conclusion. The point is not to make every thought a part of the outline but to make it more helpful for you. Once you're in the middle of the essay you are very likely to go back to the outline and see what you planned to discuss next, the outline should have an answer at this point.

For example, in my case I wrote and outline of exactly two pages after half an hour of brainstorming. I don't remember it now as I am out of the tempo but it had some main points and then some sub-points under each main point. I briefly discussed the formation of human societies from the prehistoric time to earliest known civilizations and then moved on to the role of religion, philosophy and politics in human interaction. Under the latter part I covered things like the different -isms based on literature and politics. I dedicated a whole section to Islam and proved how Islam demonstrated the only example of a society based on justice. Then in the second half of the essay I talked about the modern world, how today's governments control their people and defined the topic's keywords in detail i.e. "born equal", "dignity", "rights" and "shackles". The conclusion was also gradual as I tried to make the whole essay smoothly taking off, going to the climax and then landing on a positive note.

I hope you get some idea from this, the purpose of writing too much about the outline is to emphasize its importance which is neglected by many. The outline is not just about 5 marks, it's about making your whole essay writing experience much easier and making your essay go like a story in which every part is beautifully connected with its previous. Try to achieve that purpose.


Good enough, but the subject of your introductory paragraph is "women empowerment" which is not exactly the topic. I know it's very related but it should be discussed some where in the middle of the essay and that too in detail. Try to make your first paragraph a very related opening to your topic. Moreover, problems like unemployment and floods have little to do with gender equality and definitely should not be discussed in the opening paragraph.


Women don’t know their rights and don’t want their rights. Now that's a sweeping statement and I bet you don't have any facts to prove this. Avoid these.

You have already made the conclusion, haven't you? And this is just the third paragraph! Avoid being negative in the beginning, be neutral. These are the paragraphs where you should be discussing what does it mean to be equal to men?, how does the world see it?, how do the religions and philosophies see it?, how has the world come all the way to recognizing women rights?, what are the statistics on the subject? and how are governments and NGOs moving ahead in this area. Then you should gradually move your focus to Pakistan and all things that create trouble here.

Good paragraphs but the quality of content is lacking and also the sentence structure needs some work. Both of these can be easily improved by reading quality write-ups as in Dawn and also in some blogs from Pakistan. The purpose is to create a flow in you writing and you are very much able to do it.

"Mushroom growth" is a derogatory term for how the media has evolved in Pakistan and you are highlighting a positive expectation using this term, don't use a term just for the sake of using it.

I don't have much to say about this paragraph, it's good but has the same issues as I pointed out earlier (quality of content etc.)

You like to use short sentences, it's good but try to convey a complete thought in a single sentence. There are instances in your essay where you have broken which should have been a single sentence into two e.g.

Even if they learn to debate about women rights, start participating in human rights issues. They add no good to their homes and families.

The use of full-stops and commas is not justified in this extract and the same problem is spread throughout in your write up.


Conclusion:

I have been very honest in pointing out what I felt should be improved and I hope you take it positively. As I have already said, I am no authority on essay writing and you may want to seek further help from qualified people. The points in my view are that 1) You need to broaden the horizon of your essay (by including things like historic introduction of the subject, definitions of the keywords, world view about the subject etc.) 2) You need to make a better and more detailed outline 3) You need to improve the flow in your writing. and 4) All of these things are not difficult at all, you have the ability. Overall, this is a very appreciable attempt and better than many essays I have read.

Let me know if you have any questions.

All the best.

__________________
When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk. ~ The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly