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Originally Posted by muhammad imran sethi
pl analyse . i am posting 2010.kindly analyse Envy is a lose-lose situation as the person harbouring the intention of harming others or exercising whimsical control on external world,in the process himself becomes unhappy. FURthermore if this negativistic trait becomes the dominant feature of ones personality,it saps all the tremendous potentialities and renders even the rare skills possessed by the envious person dysfunctional.However humans are also blessed with a countervailing force against this infliction in form of appreciation of good things and people in life.This positivistic trait in turn leads to happiness,though this appraoch is not without its apparent caveats.For one,envy for large part ,in itself prevents attaing happiness.For another absence of happiness is regarded as the causal agent for envy by the envious person.Nothwithstanding these Logical queries ,realizing the causality.behind a disease , is a major leapforward in treating it.TITLE DECONSTRUCTING ENVY
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Dear Imran,
At the outset, I urge you to please grasp my words rationally rather than emotionally.
I believe you have understood the thought hidden in the original passage. However, in reproducing it in your own words, you have deviated from the the central theme and inserted your own remarks. Let me tell you simplistically.
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...exercising whimsical control on external world
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The original passage contains no such idea.
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...if this negativistic trait becomes the dominant feature of ones personality
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The original passage does not suppose envy to be a dominant feature. This is primarily your own speculation which is not found in the original passage.
There are some syntax and vocabulary discrepancies as well.
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FURthermore if this negativistic trait becomes the dominant feature of ones personality, it saps all the tremendous potentialities
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'If' refers to some condition/prerequisite and it must be followed by futuristic word e.g 'may', will, would, shall, should, etc.
The correct sentence should be:
if this negativistic trait becomes the dominant feature of ones personality, it may/will/would sap all the tremendous potentialities
Lastly, the
'Economy of Words'. You precis should not exceed +-5 words 1/3 the length of the original passage. I think your precis exceeds the limit.
Brother, I have highlighted the shortcomings I found. I would suggest you to reread the precis you have written and simply try again.
I would be glad if my findings were rectified by any other senior member.