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nickfury · #2 Monday, December 06, 2010

Well your grammer and vocabulary seems to be pretty good, some sentences however, were scattered around. Something you should have said before you said later for example the about the country's population. I just rewrote your sentences, some of them and put them together so you should seperate them like they were in your original essay.
-Your going off-topic with the education issue about the political parties, you should give some points on how to make the education better than then relate them to your original idea of unemployment. Most importantly you have to stay on topic.

Quote:

The problem of unemployment has long been existing in the Pakistan society since its birth in 1947. For 63 years this issue has occupied a central place in the country. Due to government negligence on the issue and the continued growth of population, the current generation sufference from this issue immensely. Unemployment has brought about a great mental disorder and unrest leaving the youth of the country weak; emotionally, psychologically, and to some extent even physically, rendering the national talent useless.

Quote:

The unemployed young go far the limites to earn their livlihood and eventually falling prey to malfeasance. Unable to provide for their loved ones, they adopt the life of a criminal. They start out as armed burglers but for the s ecurity of their loved ones they may even take the life of innocents. On the other hand the educational system of the country is deeply flawed and does not meet the standard requirements. The youth of the hour is not well prepared in the educational institutions and subsequently upon graduation does not meet the competitive market standars. The flawed educational institutions are the underlying problems of of unemployment. Therefore, to address this issue properly, we must strengthen our educational system.

Quote:

To begin with, due to the rapid population growth, all the professions have already been filled beyond their capacity therefore, that there is no any need of further employees. On the other hand, education of the country is backward and deficit so that the youths are not trained well enough to meet the market demands. A young graduate is hardly accepted in any field. The on going educational system is divided in such a way that it creates classes between people in accordance with the college and university they attend, on the other hand, majority of the colleges and universities are infested with political parties. All of these creates confusion, rifts and tumbles between the students. The members of political parties are often found in undesirable, criminal activities in educational institutions.

Quote:

The real purpose of education remains unaddressed. Therefore, after receiving their degrees, the young graduates lag behind with only a piece of paper, a degree, in their hand but not the ability. They depend on the degree focused education, which is the reason they remain unemployed. Given the facts above, copy culture specially practiced in Sindh and Balochistan has reduced education to an empty show and of no account. Furthermore, fiscal deficit in budget has detracted the ratio of employment and has made educational system weak or emaciated.

Quote:

The educational system is in shambles and hardly any budget is provided to reform system. The budget of this year, 2010, has promised no better for the Pakistani people. It has rather made them worried since only ten percent is given to amend education while fifty percent to defense. What a foolish practice it is! The root of the country's problem is lack of education leading to lack of opportunities for employment which in turn is giving rise to criminal and terrorist activities among the youth of the nation.

Quote:

The percentage of employment varies according to industrial development of the country. Pakistan, however, is a backward country in the industrial sphere. Government has not given any priority to promote industrialization in the country. This lack of industrialization deprives the youths from employment. Last but not the least, favoritism in politics and lack of plan and management has also given birth to a puzzling condition in this regard. The favoritism in politics has created environment of self- aggrandizement so that every one is shackled with his own interests to a great extent. Every body chooses or supports and seconds the party members of its own for certain posts. That is why a poor even talented candidate faces joblessness.