well the reason i have put up this question is that i have used all my three chances - one because of my parents' wish; second because of an emotional decision ;and third because i got impressed by a CSP's 'toar'.

but i have never been convinced from the core of my heart for this job.. no doubt the two failures i have met b4 in this exam have brought some positive changes in me and by the grace of Almighty i am an optimistic person so failure is not the issue mA.. n the third time also i am not so sure abt my success and sometimes i ask myself that even if i pass will i be satisfied by becoming a CSP??

i am not the sort of person who goes after protocol and perks that come with this job..my inclination is more towards private sector or development sector.. i enjoy writing and reading and doing social work..

but the main reason behind availing all these three chances was fulfilling my mother's wish who wants to c me as a CSP..n i know the reason behind parents desire to c their children as a CSP

i. because of job security
ii authority that comes with this job
iii respect one gets after this job
iv and i feel it is because parents usually satisfy their own desire of belonging to this class in the society through their children.

now that due to my lack of interest in this field i could not do my best..i hope Allah will not punish me for betraying my mother..

i may sound childish but this aspect bothers me as i am the eldest among my siblings and like every other parent my mother has also associated her dreams with my success in it..i am a bit confused