Farah,
Aaap ke yahan khayal aur rabt kee kamee nahin hai bazahir rythym bhee hai magR TAGHAZUL kam kam hai...aisa mujhe laga
Agar main yeh kahoon k ilme urooz sikhye aur phir taba aazmaaee keejiye ..to goya main yeh kah raha hun k shairee chor deejiye kyunke.....

main aisa bilkul nahi kah raha....

Meri guzarish yeh hai k shairi jaree rakhiye....bahr aur urooz kee jo thodee kami mujhe mahsoos ho rahee wo chalee jaygee inshaAllah.

Isee ghazal ko aap dobaara likh saktee hain.

Main yahan sirf aap kee ghazal ke matle kee taraf ishaara karoonga , baquee ashaar aap khud theek karein;

woh shair kee ghazal thee
woh jawan hoti fasal thee


Yahan doosre misre mein ""woh" ka dohraya jana garaan guzar raha hai aur misre ko meter se bahar bhee kar raha hai. Agar aap iska istemal na karteen to behtar hota.

Ab dobara padhein:

wo shair kee ghazal thee
jawan hotee fasal thee.

Yeh behtar hai

Wassalam