Quote:
Originally Posted by omama
I am applying for Cardiff university scholarship.Competition will be tough so I want my proposal to be excellent.
Kindly suggest changes and best sentences for the following para showing my financial need and why I am choosing Cardiff.
The death of my father in early stage of my life put extra responsibility of financing my family and my education. I literally work tirelessly in my academic and guardian roles. Numerous scholarships and awards made my university experience possible. To meet my expenses I was also involved in teaching Physics and Calculus to high school students.
My country Pakistan has experienced a series of overlapping crisis beginning with terrorism, earthquake, floods and now power crisis. Due to contiguity with Swat and Tribal areas we were greatly affected by Military operations and Internally Displaced People (IDP’s). Our province was a serious victim of the 2010 floods. Four cities, including our city Mardan were overwhelmed by the huge mass of water raised. Thanks to the Government of Pakistan that it helped us in the time of need in form of fee waiver and scholarships. But now as my Bachelor of Electrical Engineering is completed, I have no such help regarding my educational expenses.Now Pursuing my Postgraduate studies at a prestigious university is a dream for me without financial supported.
The deteriorating situation of energy is becoming a nightmare for already ''terror- stricken nation”. I opt to study Electrical Energy Systems abroad rather than at home as I would like to take advantage of the expertise and excellence of the West and apply the skills acquired over there to the service of my own people. United Kingdom best higher education literacy rate, improved research capabilities, and technological developments are a role model for Pakistan. Cardiff University gives the opportunity of high quality education with rich fields of choice and dynamic curriculum. The active university-industry linkage of Cardiff University will give me exposure to fast transient scientific environment and will help me to achieve excellence in my research work.
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I think you should review the starting of your statement, try to make it as attractive as possible and do pose yourself a needy student but in an optimistic way. Narrate your previous scholarships as your landmark not plea and try to prove that you are the dedicated one but need guidance and some kindness. Tell them how would you be a resource for them and to your country after education. Highlight your field of intended study, your background in research and grip over the intended subjects.
May Allah shower His blessings on you..
