Originally Posted by sanguine hope

Its a good effort but I want to mention few things for your improvement.

Firstly before writing any piece be it essay, expansion or precis one should keep one thing in mind that it must be in coherence, meaning that your ideas should be in harmony with each other. For example after first two lines you suddenly came with the idea of "inner peace" and then you related peace with economy and environmental factors. Your ideas are unrelated with each other showing your incoherent thoughts.

Secondly reading and knowledge strengthen your ideas. The more you read the more persuasive and cogent arguments you would have. For example you mentioned that after Second World War West realized the importance of peace and that led to understanding and implementation of peace in the society. Your assertion is absolutely wrong because initiation of wars have never been linked with societies. All out war is the state affair. And after Second World War peace was not implemented in societies as such, it was basically imposed on state mechanism. World leaders and state policymakers realized the importance of peace in international politics.

Thirdly your english composition of grammar and spelling is fine but your thoughts and ideas are not in agreement.

Fourthly one needs to think million times before choosing any topic that he possesses correct and enough knowledge to express his views persuasively because this is what the tragedy is that one does not get the true meaning of the topic and reproduce some other idea. One's complete effort becomes useless. Francis Bacon once said "If your thoughts are clear then you do not need any other effort because thoughts instantly become words".

Keep the hard work up an you will get your result.