Quote:
Originally Posted by Da Skeptic
Here is another draft of mine. I shall finalize it after your valuable judgments and comments..
Man Probes Into Space But Not Into Himself:
The advancements in technology have enabled man to dive into the deepest trenches of oceans and surmount the sublimity of space and sky. He has found atoms in the universe and a universe in an atom. This is remarkable indeed. But in his quest of material welfare and exploring the physical world, man has put aside and deserted the most integral and humane part of his existence; his “Self”.
“Self” is the reality of man; the soul of his life and Martin H. Fischer says, “Your soul is all that you possess.” It is the ultimate answer to all the confusions and questions that has kept man rambling and roaming into the stretches of the physical world. Hence Pat Obuchowski says, “You have the answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it.”
Man’s inner self has always been asking him questions and, erroneously, he has been trying to find the answers in the outside world. But he needs to explore and travel into the labyrinth of his soul and self as Walt Whitman points out that, “The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to… you”
Thus Socrates rightly says, “Know Thyself”, and also Hazrat Ali (a.s) says, “One who recognizes himself, recognizes God”. The questions of the reality and purpose of the existence of man and the universe, the dispute of whether there is a creator of this universe or not, the dilemma of a futile existence, all are answered by the inner world of man; his “Self”. Thus one should not afford to lose one’s self, for losing it is the greatest hazard of all.
Word Count: 266
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The corrections are in bold:
The advancements in technology have enabled man to dive into the deepest trenches of oceans and
surmount the sublimity (
surmount means overcome and sublime means beauty or grandeur. I don't think this phrase is correct of space and sky. (Gramatically correct, but I think you should revise this sentence since "space and sky" doesn't sound too good). He has found atoms in the universe and a universe in an atom. This is remarkable
indeed, but (comma between indeed and but) in his quest
for material welfare and exploring the physical world, man has put aside and deserted the most integral and humane part of his existence
:his “Self”. (: insted of
“Self” is the reality of man; the soul of his life and Martin H. Fischer says, “Your soul is all that you possess.” It is the ultimate answer to all the confusions and questions that
have (have, not has) kept man rambling and roaming into the stretches of the physical world. Hence Pat Obuchowski says, “You have the answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it.”
Man’s inner self has always been asking him questions and, erroneously, he has been trying to find the answers in the outside world. But he needs to explore and travel into the labyrinth of his soul and self as Walt Whitman points out that, “The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to… you”
Thus Socrates rightly says, “Know Thyself”, and also Hazrat Ali (a.s) says, “One who recognizes himself, recognizes God”. The questions of the reality and purpose of the existence of man and the universe, the dispute of whether there is a creator of this universe or not, the dilemma of a futile existence, all are answered by the inner world of man; his “Self”. Thus one should not afford to lose one’s self, for losing it is the greatest hazard of all.
THe content was pretty good, but is it advisable to use so many quotations in 3-4 shorts paragraphs?
