Ok and what for other mistakes. I got them right?

Here is another draft of mine. I shall finalize it after your valuable judgments and comments..

Man Probes Into Space But Not Into Himself:

The advancements in technology have enabled man to dive into the deepest trenches of oceans and surmount the sublimity of space and sky. He has found atoms in the universe and a universe in an atom. This is remarkable indeed. But in his quest of material welfare and exploring the physical world, man has put aside and deserted the most integral and humane part of his existence; his “Self”.
“Self” is the reality of man; the soul of his life and Martin H. Fischer says, “Your soul is all that you possess.” It is the ultimate answer to all the confusions and questions that has kept man rambling and roaming into the stretches of the physical world. Hence Pat Obuchowski says, “You have the answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it.”

Man’s inner self has always been asking him questions and, erroneously, he has been trying to find the answers in the outside world. But he needs to explore and travel into the labyrinth of his soul and self as Walt Whitman points out that, “The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to… you”

Thus Socrates rightly says, “Know Thyself”, and also Hazrat Ali (a.s) says, “One who recognizes himself, recognizes God”. The questions of the reality and purpose of the existence of man and the universe, the dispute of whether there is a creator of this universe or not, the dilemma of a futile existence, all are answered by the inner world of man; his “Self”. Thus one should not afford to lose one’s self, for losing it is the greatest hazard of all.

Word Count: 266

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"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

Man is curious and innovative in his nature. He explore universe, mountain, sea and what lies in its depth, Land and whatever lies underground as mineral resource It is the outcome of this expeditious nature of man that he landed over moon and establish networks of satellite around the Earth. He is in constant search of life in neighboring planets of solar system. He can predict movement of sun, moon, star and other terrestrial object with pin point accuracy. All this achievements deserve praise and eventually recognized by all the people belongs to different race, religion and nation of the world. However, when we observe the social condition of the world around us, we find evil deeds rule the world in more percentage than those of good virtues. We notice countries are indulged in war, ethnic groups shed each other’s blood, corruption are in full swing, poverty, cheating and robbery prevail in our society. Personal life of man is more disturb then the collective scenario of social life. Despite high economic growth, better law and order situation in developed countries people are more mentally distorted and family system is in complete destruction in these countries while inhabitant of under developed countries are mostly poor and deprived of basic necessities of life. One has a right to ask, what is the reason for all this chaos and tyranny in our society despite of advancement in science and technology? The reason is nothing but a man is so much busy in his lust for money that he forgets the real purpose of his creation and forgets the lesson of moral virtues. Famous quote of Tennyson says "He who knows other is good. He who knows himself is wise". Until and unless man explores himself scientific achievements does not bring any good to his life. If man realizes his own emotion, feeling, desire and need he will perform his routine work with confidence, pleasure of heart and mind. Scientific advancement along with satisfied peaceful soul of the man our society depicts the scenario of Heaven in this world.

Zuhaib bhai u r rendering great services voluntarily, I seek ur guidance and would like to join u people from now onwards. Here is my first attempt

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Strong reasons make strong actions.

The words or letters colored green are mistakes, those in blue are additions.
And I am someone other than our respected member you addressed in your post.

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"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

The corrections are in bold:

The advancements in technology have enabled man to dive into the deepest trenches of oceans and surmount the sublimity (surmount means overcome and sublime means beauty or grandeur. I don't think this phrase is correct of space and sky. (Gramatically correct, but I think you should revise this sentence since "space and sky" doesn't sound too good). He has found atoms in the universe and a universe in an atom. This is remarkable indeed, but (comma between indeed and but) in his quest for material welfare and exploring the physical world, man has put aside and deserted the most integral and humane part of his existence:his “Self”. (: insted of

“Self” is the reality of man; the soul of his life and Martin H. Fischer says, “Your soul is all that you possess.” It is the ultimate answer to all the confusions and questions that have (have, not has) kept man rambling and roaming into the stretches of the physical world. Hence Pat Obuchowski says, “You have the answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it.”

Man’s inner self has always been asking him questions and, erroneously, he has been trying to find the answers in the outside world. But he needs to explore and travel into the labyrinth of his soul and self as Walt Whitman points out that, “The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to… you”

Thus Socrates rightly says, “Know Thyself”, and also Hazrat Ali (a.s) says, “One who recognizes himself, recognizes God”. The questions of the reality and purpose of the existence of man and the universe, the dispute of whether there is a creator of this universe or not, the dilemma of a futile existence, all are answered by the inner world of man; his “Self”. Thus one should not afford to lose one’s self, for losing it is the greatest hazard of all.

THe content was pretty good, but is it advisable to use so many quotations in 3-4 shorts paragraphs?

Cut your coat according to your cloth
The maxim is a very useful principal having universal implications. It means to spend to an extent to which one’s pocket allows. When a person keeps a regular check, as a head of his personal accounts, on his income and expense ratio, he never goes bankrupt. This is because he always keeps something away for rainy days. A person being a head of an organization, when keep account of its expenditure and activities, the organization very rarely liquidates. It only progresses. Spending according to one’s financial worth has many advantages. It keeps poverty away, helps in getting rid of debt and enables him to lead life with dignity. Among other factors, careless spending is an important one that contributes to poverty. Looking at our government organizations, we can understand by analyzing that most of them are spending more than the allocated budgets. This is the reason for there being in deficit condition. Cutting all the unnecessary costs, investing only in projects with the highest Net Present Value and completing them in time can enable these organizations enjoy high returns. This will in turn increase their profits and thus broaden their cloth for spending. But unlike this, burden on the national exchequer increases every year, thus, keeping the national budget always in deficit. Due to this, government has to go to international financial institutions like IMF for capital to finance its careless processes. This debt is bears very high rates of interests which keeps the vicious cycle of debt expanding. As a result, Pakistan mostly attends international fund raising conferences and forums as a creditor and not as a debtor. Keeping expenses within budget and saving on yearly basis will one day turn the deficit into surplus.

I request the senior members to evaluate my expansions and give tips for improvement.

Life must be ordained on there principle of moderation. As there is a famous saying
“Excess of everything is bad”
It is necessary that one must adopt a moderate path in every department of life. According to this topic one may equate humbleness and tolerance to the bending of a branch of tree. There is an ultimate limit of load that a branch can bear, after that excessive load leads to fracture. In the same manner there is an ultimate limit of tolerance that a human being can bear, crossing that particular limit leads to violence , anarchy and chaos in the society.
History witnesses that whenever nations have been deprived of from their basic rights and cruelties have been committed against them, after a particular limit these situations have led to bloody revolutions. Iranian Islamic revolution in 1979 is one of its glaring example. When brutalities of shah of Iran became unbearable, people refused to obey his orders that led to anarchy and lawlessness in the country. As a result thousands of people were massacred. One may also consider a very recent example of Col Qaddafi: monarch leader of Libya. Who committed brutalities on his people, his end was also not much different from Shah of Iran.
Achievement of vested interests and lust of power make such rulers blind. They want to fulfill their illegal wishes by hook or by crock. Blind pursuit of happiness make them unaware of horrible aftermaths. Some people bear this harshness other stand up against these unjustifications.
So in a nutshell one may say that it is not always fruitful to bend .Everything has its own bearing capability, if it exceeds fracture occurs. One must adopt modest path in every aspect of life. As someone has pertinently said in this context
"Be moderate in everything including moderation”



NOTE:
All major ideas in expansion have been taken from forum
Seniors please evaluate my expansion critically, particularly, Zuhaib Bhai and Usman Bhai.
Awating

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If luck is not there then effort is always there to support you.

Thanks for your valuable analysis..
Sublimity is usually taken in the meaning of heights.. Thus my sentence means that man has surmounted or overcame or reached the heights of space and sky.. I don't think space and sky don't sound good, rather it produces the effect of alliteration (surmount-sublimity-space-sky..)
'Has' has been written instead of have because of carelessness.
'for' instead of 'of' is a genuine error.. I admit it..
A comma isn't necessary to place before a conjunction starting a new clause.. We may or may not put it..
Yepp, the quotations are more abundant.. Actually, I found so many quotations that I could not help but putting some in my expansion..
Thanks alot..

@ Hassan02

The word sublime has been derived from Latin sublimis, literally, high, elevated.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dicti...0&t=1350577291

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"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)

The word sublime is usually used as an adjective, as in "sublime beauty" or "sublime view". We can say that it means "higher beauty", but in this case, the word "higher" will denote exellence or greatness which is why I don't think "surmount the sublimity" is correct because it will translate to "overcome the grandeur". Anyways, maybe I'm wrong


Yes, but one of the most important things in any piece of writing is the overall flow and by putting a coma there instead of a period, the flow has been improved.

I have not said surmount the sublime, I have written surmount the sublimity..
Sublime means hight.. It is an adjective, I know it pretty well.. Sublimity means height, thus it means overcome the heights or reach the heights.. It is metaphorical language my dear.. You should expect me to know the difference between an adjective and a noun..
Thanks..

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"So my birth was the first of all my misfortunes". (Jean Jacques Rosseou)