Shakeel your attempt is commendable. However, as you know there is always room for more improvements. I would like to suggest some modifications...
IF you are discussing a,b,c,d points under introduction, so you need not write them over here. Secondly you should give a brief history of status of women right after you introduction.
One should write catchy and comprehensible words in one's outline. I would like to add some more and important points such as:
(a) Domestic Violence
(b) Dowry abuse
(c) Acid Throwing
(d) Head and eyebrow shaving
(e) Honour Killing
(f) Vani
(g) Watta-Satta
(h) Marriage with Quran
(i) Sexual Violence
(j) Sex Ration
(k) Trafficking
(l) Health Indicators
No need to add Islamic injunctions here as examiner asks you to write the status of Pakistani women and not women in Islam. one should remain stick to the point. however, you can write some of these points in your suggestion section.
I would to like to write my points and their wording...
(a) Lack of Education
(b) Poverty
(c) Lack of Implementation of Established laws
(d) Dowry system
(e) Misconception about Islamic teachings
(f) Patriarchal Society
(g) Role of Media
(h) Lack of Women’s Empowerment
(i) Role of Police
need some improvements...
Your Introduction is GOOD, but you can make it more and more interesting. As sometimes your whole essay is judged on the basis of your Introduction. you can borrow your introduction from a good article, magazine or any other source.... let us examine my Introduction:
Woman is one of the best creatures of the universe. She has been equally endowed with in terms of intellect, prudence and rights as man has been. The state of woman in Pakistan as compared to man is awfully miserable. There are many forms of domestic violence against women ranging from psychological abuse in the form of controlling behaviour, economic abuse or pressures and social isolation; physical in the form of torturing, beating or slapping, and sexual abuse in the form of forced sexual intercourse. The traditional, behavioral and social norms that are often prevalent in an Islamic state as Pakistan, creates more difficulties for women. The prevailing systems of Purdah and Izzat are misused to push the social isolation of women and thus, women are more confined to their homes. Furthermore, in Pakistan majority of women consider the behaviour and actions of men in societies as inherited normal actions which really make them more vulnerable to any type of abuse in their home. Other prominent points for domestic violence in the Pakistani culture are societal pressures, imbalance of power between men and women which keeps women as followers of those rules and regulations of society and defiance to follow those rules leads to penalties like acid throwing, honour killings etc.
Overall your attempt is plausible...
