SALAM MISS_NAQVI; or (APPI if you allow me too)
I hope you will not mind as I am broaching up a healthy discussion as per my little understanding; and request you that if you find anything incorrect in logic or opinion then please admonish and correct me:
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You have described first paragraph in 44 words. Used good vocabulary to colour it but its verbose as well.
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This is not a paragraph. Please read again my precis, I have made a whole paragraph of 165 words. Here, I would like to further define what is a paragraph
"A group of sentences developing a single idea from a topic sentence." or "A series of sentences which are about one aspect of a topic."
and here is my topic sentence
"However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors."
Above "topic sentence" summarizes the ambit of discussion in the precis. It contains all the essential words covering all the major points of precis.
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...In the whole passage father of nation has not being used for Jinnah so how you can use it…? While writing précis we are bound to the information given in the passage. It has no value how much we know about the topic. I have given my suggestions in the last post so go through them once.
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As you know very well that we can use a single word or a phrase that clarify the meaning of the group of words or sentences. Sometimes, we can define the whole theme of the given paragraph by using single word or phrase, for example, in heading you use such words that represents whole of the meaning of the paragraph. Who told you that we must stick to the words of orginal passage?
Now, I tell you why I have used "father of nation", read the following part of the original paragraph...
"Perhaps the main thing to learn from Jinnah’s early independence campaigns is that even people who seem to suffer from a slave mentality can learn to stand up to overwhelming power............... that Jinnah has done for us is to show us how to stand up on our own feet. He has put backbone into us. I think Jinnah wanted all men to believe that, if they have faith in some great cause, they are not strong enough. ‘You are as strong as you think you are’ he would say, “you are as strong as I am”."
Above part of the paragraph said that Jinnah taught nation how to stand up on its feet; put backbone into us; gave confidence by saying "you are as strong as I am"....
Tell me, who does all these things? definitely a "Father" as we take it figuratively....so, why have you declared that "father of nation" is my own opinion? if you still say that my use of
"father of nation" is biased then it is an injustice.
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... I don’t mean that you shall always make a précis by separating it into paragraphs it means to take a help and divide it in a way that you can precise every point of the passage. I started practice after long time thus given you the passage that was quite easy and can be separated comfortably but sometime it happens that a paragraph deals only with examples thus we cannot make a précis this way.
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It is a matter of individual writing style. As you already know topic is very simple and even total word precis required is small; for me there is no need to elaborate a simple one into two or more paragraphs.
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....("For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised." )Your bolded line can be reduced further but next line is really impressive.
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This is not a reason to shorten the first sentence, as you have said it is lengthy.... In this way, one can say all the sentences are lengthy. Just see, whether the whole precis describes the essential points of the parargahp or not. See the transition word "although" that is connecting the two sentences and the next sentence clearly contrasts the logic of the first sentence.
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"Well knitted passage there should be a round of applause for you . Here I would like to say that these lines are excellent but you were unable to leave an impression in initial sentences so always care for making impression in a very first line."
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My whole consideration was to make precis as simple as possible to read and comprehend.... as that is the most important quality of the precis .... otherwise, the original passage is itself very impressive from top to bottom.
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I request you to please do not limit your discussions merely making precis or analysis. Let's also discuss grammatical mistakes or errors, it would be beneficial for all of us. Sometimes we say that I have written it hurriedly, that's why mistakes could be expected, but we, the CSS aspirants, should endeavor to make no mistakes.
RED = mistakes
BLUE = ADDITIONs
BOLD = COMMENTS
Now, come to the analysis of your suggested precis
There are two possibilities of celebrating great man’s birthday; one by making monument and putting it at height and other is
to peep into his life as human and take inspiration to eye with life. MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". IT SHOULD BE "to peep into his life as human and to take inspiration with an eye to his life" (NOTE: "with an eye to something" means having something as a purpose or objective) Jinnah should be appreciated as
a model man AWKWARD PHRASE; IT SHOULD BE "an ideal" by separating him from leadership rather
than seeing him as sculpture of greatness that is hanged high for momentary admiration without any inspiration and action. Jinnah also owes shortcomings
to share human nature THE PHRASE GIVES MEANING THAT JINNAH'S NATURE IS NOT OF HUMAN. ORIGINAL PASSAGE CLEARLY STATES THAT "he had his human failings, his errors of judgment and all the rest, like any other man." but it does not lessen his perception. His greatness lies in the paramount principles that lead him to live
a life with no compromise and
thought provoking inspiration for upcoming generations. AGAIN MISTAKE OF "PARALLEL STRUCTURE". "THOUGHT" IS NOT PARALLEL WITH "LEAD".
Jinnah’s independence campaign taught lesson of courage and sublime faith for standing against those who
are were barrier to the cause. He poured new life by showing the importance of will power for achieving a cause.
Jinnah’s trust on man realized his dream into reality. SENTENCE IS "ILLOGICAL" BY USING "man". IT SEEMS JINNAH WAS ITSELF NOT A MAN OR HE RELIED THE WHOLE HUMANITY IF WE TAKE MAN FOR ALL HUMAN BEINGS He introduced concept of Unity to give equal opportunities to all and his followers
hold HELD this message
efficiently. AGAIN "UNPARALLEL SENTENCE" BECAUSE YOU HAVE USED PAST TENSE "TAUGHT" IN THE FIRST CLAUSE BUT "HOLD" IN THE SECOND. MOREOVER, SOMETHING CANNOT BE HELD "EFFICIENTLY", BUT CAN BE DONE "EFFICIENTLY". HERE YOU SHOULD USE "ENTHUSIASTICALLY OR FERVENTLY OR ARDENTLY"
(Words 166)
OVERVIEW OF YOUR SUGGESTED PRECIS
* There are total 8 big sentences in your precis, out of which 4 sentences start with "Jinnah"; 2 with "he"; 1 with "his". Doesn't it seem dull or monotonous to repeat many sentences starting with same words.
* There is no "transition" words or phrases; therefore, your precis is not cohesive.
* Use of word "inspiration" too many times.
* So many "parallel structure" mistakes.
Thanks with an apology if you disliked my rejoinder...