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Originally Posted by secondopinion02
SALAM MISS_NAQVI; or (APPI if you allow me too)
This is not a paragraph. Please read again my precis, I have made a whole paragraph of 165 words. Here, I would like to further define what is a paragraph
"A group of sentences developing a single idea from a topic sentence." or "A series of sentences which are about one aspect of a topic."
and here is my topic sentence
"However, the best way to pay homage and to celebrate the important dates attached with the father of nation, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, is to scrutinize more closely his unique life and endeavors."
Above "topic sentence" summarizes the ambit of discussion in the precis. It contains all the essential words covering all the major points of precis.
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Well brother here u r unjust and just making a critic comment. When I m talking about paragraph it means that you have described one paragraph of the passage chosen for
précis in 44 word that is elaboration of ideas. If you think that I don’t know the definition of sentence or paragraph it would be unfair.
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As you know very well that we can use a single word or a phrase that clarify the meaning of the group of words or sentences. Sometimes, we can define the whole theme of the given paragraph by using single word or phrase, for example, in heading you use such words that represents whole of the meaning of the paragraph. Who told you that we must stick to the words of orginal passage?
Now, I tell you why I have used "father of nation", read the following part of the original paragraph...
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No I will not say its wrong bcaz you have justified it in a logical manner and I do accept my carelessness while going through your
précis.
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"Perhaps the main thing to learn from Jinnah’s early independence campaigns is that even people who seem to suffer from a slave mentality can learn to stand up to overwhelming power............... that Jinnah has done for us is to show us how to stand up on our own feet. He has put backbone into us. I think Jinnah wanted all men to believe that, if they have faith in some great cause, they are not strong enough. ‘You are as strong as you think you are’ he would say, “you are as strong as I am”."
Well I mean the same that you can opt for any of the style.
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"For a long time, he has been made a showpiece worthy of merely sightseeing as well as admiration and nothing more. Although, his life, as closely analyzed, is not without failures and disorders, but it is in a perfect harmony with his paramount principles of righteousness with which he never compromised." Your bolded line can be reduced further but next line is really impressive.
This is not a reason to shorten the first sentence, as you have said it is lengthy.... In this way, one can say all the sentences are lengthy. Just see, whether the whole précis describes the essential points of the paragraph or not. See the transition word "although" that is connecting the two sentences and the next sentence clearly contrasts the logic of the first sentence.
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Well brother you have taken my point into the wrong sense. I didn’t mean that first line’s length is not up to the mark but I mean to say that it can be reduced further. When I was going through your passage it seemed that you have command over language and you know how to knot words to make a comprehensive sentence. But there were 2 sentences that were not parallel to the whole paragraph that’s y I pointed it out.
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"Well knitted passage there should be a round of applause for you. Here I would like to say that these lines are excellent but you were unable to leave an impression in initial sentences so always care for making impression in a very first line."
My whole consideration was to make précis as simple as possible to read and comprehend.... as that is the most important quality of the précis.... otherwise the original passage is itself very impressive from top to bottom.
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I am agreed to you that passage was so simple and easy and I haven’t said that
précis should be difficult or incomprehensible. I think these words were to appreciate your command over language and coherence that you have shown in the
précis.
will reply u further by tomorrow. Inshahallah