Xishan, there are 4 basic components of an Essay. First you have to identify the issue, i.e. what the issue really is, what problem examiner wants to get resolved. Secondly, you go for the extent of the issue, that how broad the issue is, its scope, area, various facets and probable ramifications. Third you identify the root causes and Fourth includes the recommendations for their solution. Your essay covers somewhat the first, second and fourth portion but you have totally missed the third one, as I already said you can't address an issue until you recognize the root-causes. And here the causes would not be for terrorism but that why War on Terror is resulting in Violation of Human Rights. It would involve the violations from both sides. For the West the probable reasons are their hegemonic designs, still following modern ethos of conflict and not complying with the Post-modern ethos of compromise, their dual standard, islamophobia and xenophobia etc. And as far as the other party is concerned, illiteracy, socio-economic injustices, no participation in decision making process, cultural invasion, extremism etc has added to the problem. And keep one thing in mind, there are multiple ways of passing an essay, you can never limit your scope but atleast your essay should include all the basic elements and should explore major relevant facets.