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Originally Posted by princeling
ursula please evaluate this essay as well as its introduction. i posted that before but no body commented.need your evaluation .thanks in advance
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Having a cursory look at your essay, and i found the following errors;
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Hence, while science has brought innumerable comforts in human life , it has also threatened the emotional , spiritual , mental and phsycial safety of mankind.
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Subordinate clause
while is joined with adverb
hence,which is wrong.
Remember that's your thesis statement as well.So, more mistake would be consider more flagrant.
Furthermore your headings needs to be
brief and to the point
All points are valid but not to the point.Make them condensed one with particular emphasis on the essence of each headline,
like,
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3.psychological and mental problems have increased manifold due to financial complications and sudden rise of financial crisis
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Replace it with
evil nexus between modern financial manipulation and psychopathology Term modern already links up your heading with scientific advancements
Apply the same mechanism to all headings
Some good points in your essay
All material is relevant, and it depicts your true insight and knowledge related to the topic
I like your intro,keep it up
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supergenius;908931]@URSULA Tell me another thing. The intro ( I mean the first paragraph of essay) should be focused around the percetion taken from title and your stance, either for it or against it, or it should begin with the perception and also briefly cover your outline i.e a teaser to the body of essay?
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Apology for my mistake,since I didn't understand your statement
Secondly not in all essays you can take
do or die sort of situation except in contrasting essays like Everything is fair in
love and war.[contrast and comparison]Either you will favour fight or move in favour of love.It doesn't apply to all.Kindly read the post of Mustansar in my aforementioned link.
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Originally Posted by Ammar9
THE WAR ON TERROR HAS CONTRIBUTED TO GROWING ABUSE OF HUMAN RIGHTS.
INTRODUCTION.
Man has been struggling for a long time for universal provision of basic human rights and this struggle is still going on. Man of ancient times had no concept of basic human rights . History reveals that holy prophet Muhammad (SAW) was the first person who advocated and emphasized the importance of human rights in his last sermon. However, in West , Magna Carta laid foundation of basic human rights and gradually the whole world acknowledged the importance of these rights. Now, legally ,human rights are provided to every human being via Universal declaration of Human rights but their abuse is rampant in every part of the world. There are many forms of violations of human rights and War is one of them . War always proved out to be a cause of violations of human rights and in recent past the war has contributed to the abuse of human rights. The violations of human rights in the name of the war on terror are not unknown and they are clearly visible and prominent in many forms. Arbitrary detention, violations of international conventions , imprudent use of drones , torture ,extra ordinary rendition , destruction of homes of innocent people ,Absence of fair trail and use of Terrorist label without confirmation and evidence ; all lends credence to this claim that War on Terror has significantly and clearly contributed to growing abuse of human rights.
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I simply say read first one quarter of your intro,or simply cut it and paste in ms word and than link it to the title,Is it relevant to the topic. Ofcaurse not,dear through this technique you can do the practice of relevancy of essay writing to the mentioned topic.[i had already highlighted the irrelevant material of your intro]
It has even worked for me as well.
Hope , you people have learnt from the mistakes of others.
Not a bad idea to decide a topic and all of us share our point of view ,here on this forum,humm
I'd already mentioned a topic but nobody has noticed.I expect this time response would be
affirmative
It was
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Kindly you people put scholarly light on
It is not wealth that creates roads but it is the roads that leads to the creation of wealth.
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