Quote:
Originally Posted by aniya warraich
I cant check it in toto. However, ill mention some mistakes that I observed.
1. There needs to be coherence between paragraphs. Each and every single paragraph needs to be coherent; each and every single line within a para should be in continuity with the last. The last line of a para should close the point that it meant to elaborate from the outline.
e.g. the fourth para and its thesis statement dont make sense to me!
2. There are some grammatical mistakes. Plus the usage of colons, semicolons would add to the beauty of an essay. You havent used any I think.
3. The last line of the first para doesnt make sense. Such mistakes in the first 3 pages of your essay would turn out to be fatal.
4. The fourth line of your third para is too long. Long sentences without proper punctuation result in unforgivable mistakes that the examiner takes serious offence to! Write small sentences preferably; clauses in long sentences should be properly separated by appropriate punctuation.
5. Altogether new system or all together new system?
6. A dire need for reforms is the need of the hour? Using need two times is unnecessary. Work on the form of sentences.
I hope this helps in improvement.
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Aniya, that was an eye-opener!
Thanks a lot for pointing out the mistakes and most importantly, taking out time to do so
Well some were due to typing errors on the mobile I am afraid, like in the first paragraph there was to be a semi colon instead of a full stop for the last sentence:
"All is well that ends well, they say, and we still have time to improve the system of governance that truly facilitates the people; a system which delivers the bare necessities of life and promises a good future for Pakistan."
Overall you pointed out very valid errors and I will try to avoid using long sentences.
Could you, or any other member, please point out some of the grammatical mistakes in the sentences?
And yes, overuse of "need" in one sentence
I guess I will have to change this essay ALTOGETHER!
