AOA
I am a big loser. I am carrying many dreams with me but till now CSS has been a Too Much High Jump with Crippled legs. I donot know i have not been able to fix my problems as yet and i always end as a sorry person in the Exam Hall. I donot know, where had i lost my stamina, commitment. Only the Dreams to be a CSP have remained and i know only dreams cannot make me cross this CSS-Jump.
To become an officer was a dream of my father who has died. It was his desire to see me as an officer but being a loser, i could not make him proud and I feel sorry and embarrassed before his grave today.

Waves of high intensity arise again and again in my heart to put my level best for css and i muster my all courage and motivation but i donont know this state is short lived and soon all the courage and motivation dies and i lose my momentum. I have not been able to input my best yet. I am again and again losing my courage and not persisting.
I am doing a job as well but not as an officer. After MSc Chemistry, i have not been able to achieve a single success in my life. It is exactly 4 years that i have not done any thing in life except dreaming of CSS.

I want to be sincere to me but i fail again and again. I do not know why have i become so miserable in life? Desperate for some success. i have appetite for success rather starving for success that is yet to come. I am left with final two chances of CSS but time is again creeping on and again August has passed and i have done nothing yet. Every year Months are passing, dreams and ambitious are high but effort is not there. I am frustrated with myself now that why i am so miserable?. I have no serious issues in life which can hamper my css exam beside a full time job and some family responsibilities.

I have not been able to choose the subjects, buying many books of many subjects and keeping them in shelves is my only hobby now. Except Chemistry i know nothing about other subjects in CSS. Went with Indo-Pak, Agri, Forestry & Chemistry in CE-2012 but i know i will fail in a fabulous way.

My question is that:-
WHAT IS THE CORRECT RECIPE OF CSS?
Should a person like me leave thinking to be an officer?
How do people manage CSS preparation with Jobs?
Again August has passed but i am again a sorry person for myself, my deceased father and family because i know this year will also pass and my dreams will remain dreams. I want to help my self but i donot know why i am knowingly committing criminal negligence by letting myself at the mercy of time and going in a deep abyss of failure and disappointments? Should i wrap the drama of css from life and try something else now? Its 4 years that i am dreaming only and not putting myself in real sense. I tried but i failed and failed again and again.

Thank you for your precious time and if possible some guidance, if necessary to all members. Sorry if someone feels my post a disappointment.

you actually don have any target n sincere destination.. . you just deceiving yourself giving excuses of loser.. .
your actual goal or ambitions are somewhere else .
try to find the one.. .
make a crystal clear target (not necessarily css) then proceed for it
your advancement ll not create anyproblem if you ll hv devotion
regards

your first para sums it up....you said it was your father's dream to see you as a csp officer...Think again or do some introspection...is that has become an emotional liability for you to do CSS?Have you gone so deep to fulfill "his" dream that you forgot to understand that dreams are first cherished & owned by yourself than they show you their ability to come/be alive for you.?Think again that is it YOUR dream too?The core of your late father's wish was to see you as a productive or soco-economically settled member of society with a prestigious job(as css is considered as one).So think again that do you LOVE this dream too??
If you really do love this dream rather than as some imposed dream than you may go.If after introspection you get positive answer than remember nothing is impossible & indispensable too...means there is a limit to everything,you can strive hard by believing that Almighty is going to reward you OR if this does not happen you may sum it up as that i am not going to die without this,if it had been meant for me,i would have got that...!
Try to strike balance between your limitations & abilities.Open those books which are hitherto just lacing & gracing your room-self.Start with a compulsory subject & one optional.Set a target of 12 or 15 days to complete those 2 subjects.I mean translate that gushing passion into something fruitful for you.Set target,benchmarks,socialize here in the forum,take part in thread meant for 2013 CE & stay on high pitch till exams.
First make up your mind and you can go through relevant sections of the forum or ask seniors to help you in cooking your recipe of success.First, do some soul searching & then decide.Leave this guilt aside that you could have done this or that,concentrate on what is in your hand or what will come as a consequence of your actions & perceptions.
Css is game of passion,prudence as well as productivity.I mean passion to be a csp,prudence to create/devise your strategy(that leads you to that hot seat) or productivity(knowledge you got & applied in papers) that must comes in result of your passion & prudence .
If you are only carrying a burden but calling it a dream than throw it away.Do what you are good at or you wanted to do before CSS-craze.At the end all that matters is a respectable position in society rather than a distraught you with messed up present & murky future.
Hope sanity prevails or you let it to prevail....!!


Regards

__________________
Hey Life,I'm my own cheer leader so u can't take advantage of homeground..got it u moron??? Huh ~sheryl Almazari~

According to my personal practical experience, it is easy to prepare for CSS exams with a job rather than being free. But again it depends upon nature of the person.

what i have analyzed from ur case is that u are lacking in 3 things
1.a clear cut ambition in life
2.commitment to achieve that aim
3.self confidence.
dear css is not the only aim which is to be achieved in life or if u dont become a csp u 'll be loser.No,this is not the true there are thousand of other goals which u can achieve easily.first of all, have a clear cut ambition in ur life i.e whether in reality u want to be a csp or just u r blindly following others.if not then have some other aim, u can excel in ur current job by focusing it get many promotions by hardwork and get a prestigous job in ur or any other organization.so first decide ur aim and then stop thinking about anything else and then give a pure and honest commitment to it.if it is css then stop thinking about results just start preparation.u can find alot of info at forum about how to start preparation and step by step guidance and finally dear have confidence on ur self.just remember ''i can and i will' men karsakta hun aur karun ga.give ur best and leave rest on Allah.for sure he'll give u best rewards of ur efforts but only if u have worked hard.
gud luck. insan insan ka sath chor deta ha par ALLAH insan ka sath kabhi nahe chorta

i am thankful for the support. i surely want to do css but cannot persist long and continue studying regularly.

Same is the case with me...but the only difference is that my father didn't say it to do....i was unable to know whhat i can be in which field i have interest

Chintoo jee,dn't be so nervous yar...what is css???han. Is dunya my bary bary badshah ay and guzur gai...dn't make css as the only option,there are a no. Of other things which one can do...candidly speaking, jenious log to css krty he ni,q k on k irady css sy bht buland hoty hen.. Aitazaz ahsan , dr. Aisha sadiqa,dr.moeed pirzada etc are the clear examples,they resigned after serving for some years.(aitazaz was a topper bt he didnt join css)..now,look at them where they are...indeed,css officers in k agy peechy pirty hen...hosla buland rko hmari bhae...bht simple alfaaz my smjaya,hope ap smj gy hongy...taataa...

It depends on one's ability to "pick" things that how much time one should employ daily(considering when revising syllabus atleast twice before exams).So look what are your weak points & what span of time you require to turn them into otherwise.About regularity or persistence i would say that some balance is required to achieve something better.The choice is yours as investing less time is not a problem,problem is being topsy turvy(in preparation) & expecting a treasure(success in CSS or any exam).


Regards

__________________
Hey Life,I'm my own cheer leader so u can't take advantage of homeground..got it u moron??? Huh ~sheryl Almazari~

And one thing more chintoo bhae, my papa who is senior police officer wishes me to be a police officer.A few days ago i said " papa ap hmi hmesha khty hen k hm officer bnain,hy na"..he replied"han beta"...than i said "papa officer bnna bhtr hy ya ik acha insan bnna??" he replied,ofcourse acha insan bnna..phr hm ny kha phr q aj kal k walidan apny bacho ko sirf officer dekna chaty hen,wo apny bachon ko acha insan bnny ki talkeen q ni krty???papa hmari trf dekty rhy,and hmari sir py hath pher k office chaly gy..ony ehsas hogea k bachy ko officer bnnay sy acha awal osy acha insan bnny ki talkeen krni chae.yakeenn ik acha insan bnna he sb sb kuch hy,na k sirf ik officer bnna...mtlb is poori story ka ye k ap k papa ko zada sakoon os time ni mly ga jb ap ik officer bnaingy balky os time mily ga jb ap ik achy and aala kirdar k insan bnogy....taataa and stay blessed.