[QUOTE=infinite optimism;983820]The author's holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary,The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages.They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks.He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump.Their last destination was an art museum.The visit left him with a lot of memories.

Orig=144
Precis=76

This is a meagre effort on my part.You guys can comment on it.[/QUOTE]


First of all I am also new in the horizon of CSS exam. You yorself asked for assessment about your meager effort. You yourself mean it. Please read my comments and yoy will find the meaning in between lines what I said. If you are again asking to assess your piece of writting. Then Ok, let's take a look at your blunders in composition;

As I stated above your title is neither appropriative nor artistic one. It is not a mare memoir of author, it comprises whole scenario of a civilization and its cultural tradition along with other things. Your title is relavent but not comprehensive.

Your first compond sentence is wrong.

[I]The author's holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary,The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages[/I].

Itna barra sentense hota hay kya woh bhi ghalat? Take a look at it, how many mistakes are there including puntuations?
[I]
The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages[/I]

Again wrong sentense; the sentense is not conjucted correctly.

[I]
They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks[/I].

They met with George hoga.

[I]He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump[/I].

He told is wrong. You can not narrate here with TOLD.

I think it is enough and am not going to assess your write-up more.

Please don't take my words on heart. You wanted me to do that. If had I intention to criticize you, I would have done it in the very first comment. I am a new aspirant like you, I am also in learning stage. Instead of making wrong judgments, we should help out one another because no one is perfect in anything.

[QUOTE=Greenboat;983855]First of all I am also new in the horizon of CSS exam. You yorself asked for assessment about your meager effort. You yourself mean it. Please read my comments and yoy will find the meaning in between lines what I said. If you are again asking to assess your piece of writting. Then Ok, let's take a look at your blunders in composition;

As I stated above your title is neither appropriative nor artistic one. It is not a mare memoir of author, it comprises whole scenario of a civilization and its cultural tradition along with other things. Your title is relavent but not comprehensive.

Your first compond sentence is wrong.

The author holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary.The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century,with mountains and old villages

Itna barra sentense hota hay kya woh bhi ghalat? Take a look at it, how many mistakes are there including puntuations?
[I]
The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages[/I]

Again wrong sentense; the sentense is not conjucted correctly.

[I]
They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks[/I].

They met with George hoga.

[I]He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump[/I].

He told is wrong. You can not narrate here with TOLD.

I think it is enough and am not going to assess your write-up more.

Please don't take my words on heart. You wanted me to do that. If had I intention to criticize you, I would have done it in the very first comment. I am a new aspirant like you, I am also in learning stage. Instead of making wrong judgments, we should help out one another because no one is perfect in anything.[/QUOTE]

Except for punctuation mistakes, which are typing errors,nothing made sense to me.Thank you anyway,looking forward to discussing things with you.
By the way,have you ever heard of interrupters,extra information which can be put after a comma.Do tell me how the first sentence is wrong.

The author holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend.visited Qualla Boundary.The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century,with mountains and old villages.

Punctuation errors have been removed,now tell what is wrong?

Sorry to Jamal Nasir brother for keeping his thread hostage!

Being too specefic is not necessarily artistic.

Meet is both int and tran verb,meet sb,check dictionary.

Many thanks my dear brothers Greenboat and infinite optimism for analysing my writings. Dear I have already said in other threads that CSS forum is the best platform to learn something, instead of quarreling with one another we should learn something from it.

@Greenboat dear next time I'll try to use idioms in it. Waiting for your comments on comprehension.


@Infinite optimism brother thanks for commenting on my World Times essays and these are not typing mistakes, it's almost same of that which I wrote in the exam. As you are suggesting, now I'll also focus on punctuation. Brother, original text was of 436 words, it was required to make précis of 120 words or less, so I made of 120 words. I don't know from where you got the text of 144 words and made the précis of 76 words. Don't you think that your précis is too short, it should be one third of the original text? If you made from 144 words then it should be of 48 words and you should use synonyms, but you used original words.

Can some CSPs or King makers like Raz or Last Island give comment about it?

[QUOTE=jamalnasir;983863]Many thanks my dear brothers Greenboat and infinite optimism for analysing my writings. Dear I have already said in other threads that CSS forum is the best platform to learn something, instead of quarreling with one another we should learn something from it.

@Greenboat dear next time I'll try to use idioms in it. Waiting for your comments on comprehension.


@Infinite optimism brother thanks for commenting on my World Times essays and these are not typing mistakes, it's almost same of that which I wrote in the exam. As you are suggesting, now I'll also focus on punctuation. Brother, original text was of 436 words, it was required to make précis of 120 words or less, so I made of 120 words. I don't know from where you got the text of 144 words and made the précis of 76 words. Don't you think that your précis is too short, it should be one third of the original text? If you made from 144 words then it should be of 48 words and you should use synonyms, but you used original words.

Can some CSPs or King makers like Raz or Last Island give comment about it?[/QUOTE]

My mistake,the original text was 433 words long.Yes,i realized that my precis was too short.As far as original words are concerned,if each word has to be omitted,i will take care of that.However,in my view,it is debatable.

How many attempts are you left with?we will surely dissect topics in great details down the road.

As you said,if CSPs are available to comment on our efforts,it would be a huge help.

"Although I write articles in World Times magazine and was initially approved for "The Atlantic magazine", but didn't went further because I started preparation for interview because I was confident that I would pass written part of CSS, but unfortunately flunked in English."


Brother I don't think I can guide you properly but i would like to point out a mistake. There is something wrong with your grammar.
In the above sentence you have written "didn't went", this is grammatically wrong. You should have written "didn't go". I have read your other posts as well and I can't explain you your mistakes but there is definitely something wrong with your sentence structure.
I advise you to go to a professional English Language teacher who can guide you in a better way. I don't want to discourage you in anyway but you definitely need to seek professional guidance.

@Infinite optimism I Have last chance to appear, but haven't yet planned for the last attempt.

@Jawad Khalid thanks for pointing it out. It was not my error, but it was a blunder. As everyone knows that second form of verb is not used with "didn't". It's one of the basic rules, but I'm surprised how I comitted that mistake? I'll take care of it Inshallah.

[QUOTE=infinite optimism;983857]Except for punctuation mistakes, which are typing errors,nothing made sense to me.Thank you anyway,looking forward to discussing things with you.
By the way,have you ever heard of interrupters,extra information which can be put after a comma.Do tell me how the first sentence is wrong.

The author holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend.visited Qualla Boundary.The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century,with mountains and old villages.

Punctuation errors have been removed,now tell what is wrong?[/QUOTE]

Again! you made punctuation mistakes in the same sentense, let me do it in my way.

The auther's holiday dilemma came to an end when he visited Qualla boundry along with his friend. The beautiful senses of the nature and their customs were depicting the culture of 18th centuary.

Seniors or any CSP, please tell me if I am wrong?

Still waiting for the comments of King makers