Problem with my English
 

After starting my thread in prestigious CSS forum for sit-in in front of FPSC offices, some respected members criticised my English. Although I write articles in World Times magazine and was initially approved for "The Atlantic magazine", but didn't went further because I started preparation for interview because I was confident that I would pass written part of CSS, but unfortunately flunked in English.

When here I was criticized I sent my some précis and comprehensions to my friends who are native English speakers, from the UK and the US, who studied from prestigious universities like John Hopkins University and Oxford, for their comments. They all said that there is no such problem in my English for which I should be failed. Don't know did they give fair reply or they said so that I don't be depress?

I request to senior members and CSPs that please comment that is there really any problem in my English and how it can be solved?

My request is that don't give such comments " Yes your English is weak" or "You don't know the basics of English". Please comment where is the problem, of which level and how it can be solved.


Here I am sharing my 2016 précis and comprehension.

Original text of précis:

During my vacation last May, I had a hard time choosing a tour. Flights to Japan, Hong Kong and Australia are just too common. What I wanted was somewhere exciting and exotic, a place where I could be spared from the holiday tour crowds. I was so happy when Joan called up, suggesting a trip to Cherokee, a county in the state of Oklahoma. I agreed and went off with the preparation immediately.
We took a flight to Cherokee and visited a town called Qualla Boundary Surrounded by magnificent mountain scenery, the town painted a paradise before us. With its Oconaluftee Indian Village reproducing tribal crafts and lifestyles of the 18th century and the outdoor historical pageant Unto These Hillsplaying six times weekly in the summer nights, Qualla Boundary tries to present a brief image of the Cherokee past to the tourists.
Despite the language barrier, we managed to find our way to the souvenir shops with the help of the natives. The shops are filled with rubber tomahawks and colorful traditional war bonnets, made of dyed turkey feathers. Tepees, cone-shaped tents made from animal skin, are also pitched near the shops. "Welcome! Want to get anything ?" We looked up and saw a middle-aged man smiling at us. We were very surprised by his fluent English. He introduced himself as George and we ended up chatting till lunch time when he invited us for lunch at a nearby coffee shop.
"Sometimes, I've to work from morning to sunset during the tour season. Anyway, this is still better off than being a woodcutter ..." Remembrance weighed heavy on George's mind and he went on to tell us that he used to cut firewood for a living but could hardly make ends meet. We learnt from him that the Cherokees do not depend solely on trade for survival. During the tour off-peak period, the tribe would have to try out other means for income. One of the successful ways is the "Bingo Weekend". On the Friday afternoons of the Bingo weekends, a large bingo hall will be opened, attracting huge crowds of people to the various kinds of games like the Super Jackpot and the Warrior Game Special. According to George, these forms of entertainment fetch them great returns.
Our final stop in Qualla Boundary was at the museum where arts, ranging from the simple hand-woven oak baskets to wood and stone carvings of wolves, ravens and other symbols of Cherokee cosmology are displayed.
Back at home, I really missed the place and I would of course look forward to the next trip to another exotic place.

My Précis:

Title: The nostalgia of Cherokee

Précis:
Author writes that in previous May vacation when he wanted to go to a placid place, his friend Joan called him to go to Cherokee. Going by air, they toured Qualla Boundary town of Cherokee, wedged in alpines. It seemed like three centuries in past. Nevertheless of different languages, they found market where there were handicrafts. A young man named George astonished them by welcoming in good English, who invited for lunch. George told that he was a woodcutter and his side business was of a guide. He further told that Cherokees do different businesses, like organising Bingo weekend where people go to play games. Before departure they went to a museum. After return, author was suffering the nostalgia of Cherokee.


Total words: 120

........................................



Comprehension 2016


Original text:

The New Year is the time for resolution. Mentally, at least most of us could compile formidable lists of ‘do’s and ‘don’ts’. The same old favorites recur year in and year out with the children, do a thousand and one job about the house, be nice to people we don’t like, drive carefully, and take the dog for a walk every day. Past experience has taught us that certain accomplishments are beyond attainment. If we remain deep rooted liars, it is only because we have so often experienced the frustration that results from failure. Most of us fail in our efforts at self-improvement because our schemes are too ambitious and we never have time to carry them out. We also make the fundamental error of announcing our resolution to everybody so that we look even more foolish when we slip back into our bad old ways. Aware of these pitfalls, this year I attempted to keep my resolution to myself. I limited myself to two modest ambitions, to do physical exercise every morning and to read more in the evening. An overnight party on New Year’s Eve provided me with a good excuse for not carrying out either of these new resolutions on the first day of the year, but on the second, I applied myself assiduously to the task. The daily exercise lasted only eleven minutes and I proposed to do them early in the morning before anyone had got up. The self-discipline required to drag myself out of bed eleven minutes earlier than usual was considerable. Nevertheless, I managed to creep down into the living room for two days before anyone found me out. After jumping about in the carpet and twisted the human frame into uncomfortable positions. I sat down at the breakfast table in an exhausted condition. It was this that betrayed me. The next morning the whole family trooped into watch the performance. That was really unsettling but I fended off the taunts and jibes of the family good humoredly and soon everybody got used to the idea. However, my enthusiasm waned, the time I spent at exercises gradually diminished. Little by little the eleven minutes fell to zero. By January 10th I was back to where I had started from. I argued that if I spent less time exhausting myself at exercises in the morning. I would keep my mind fresh for reading when I got home from work. Resisting the hypnotizing effect of television, I sat in my room for a few evenings with my eyes glued to a book. One night, however, feeling cold and lonely, I went downstairs and sat in front of the television pretending to read. That proved to be my undoing, for I soon got back to the old bad habit of dozing off in front of the screen. I still haven’t given up my resolution to do more reading. In fact, I have just bought a book entitled ‘How to Read a Thousand Words a Minute’. Perhaps it will solve my problem, but I just have not had time to read it.

Questions:

1. Why most of us fail in our efforts for self-improvement?

2. Why is it a basic mistake to announce our resolution to everybody?

3. Why did the writer not carry out his resolution on New Year’s Day?



My answers:

Answer 1. Most of us fail in self-improvement because we cannot manage time to implement on our plan of self-improvement. On the other hand we reveal our plan by telling to others, when we cannot carry on it properly we completely abandon it while being ashamed.


Answer 2. It is a basic mistake to announce our resolution to everybody because if we could not implement it properly and deviate from our resolution, then instead of bucking us up, they start taunting and teasing, due to which we completely relinquish our resolution.


Answer 3. The writer could not carry out his resolution on new year's day because he attended an overnight party on new year's evening and made it his excuse for not waking up early in the morning on the first day of the new year so he skipped his planned routine on the very first day of the year.

I have read your precis. It is well attempted; must be passed. Your title is also apprpriative and you did not make mistake in the very first sentence as well. The flow and vocabulary is better but it could have been even more better if you had usedsome idioms. The standered of vocabulary is fine. Baki I will comment on your comprehension later on.

Candidates are delibrately criticizing you, your composition is not thut bad. In my opinion you are slaughtered in the buthering tradition of FPSC.

As far as you are talking about highly qualified candidates who assesed your composition and papers, they all are right. My friends including M.Phil English literature, another candidate graduated from abroad reputed institution with distingsioned and many others were brutally buthered in composition paper. On the other hand, below average candidates managed to pass composition. This is all fragile assesment done by FPSC and nothing else.

If you have attempt at your dispodal, I would suggest you to go for it, prepare well. In Pakistan, CSS means to gamble your life.

Dear!let me be very specific.Vocabulary is not that impressive.Besides,i found some terror,tell me if they are typing mistakes.

Qualla boundary,a town(comma is missing)

Nevertheless of different languages(contradicting adverb,cant see any use here,also Comma after nevertheless is not there)

Told that(tell is a transitive verb,not an intransitive)

As i have already commented on your essay in JWT magazines.Your essay was very good in terms of writing.

A memoir of a visit.
 

The author's holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary,The beautiful scenes were depicting the culture of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages.They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks.He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump.Their last destination was an art museum.The visit left him with a lot of memories.

Orig=144
Precis=76

This is a meagre effort on my part.You guys can comment on it.

[QUOTE=infinite optimism;983820]The author's holiday dilemma came to an end when he,along with his friend,visited Qualla Boundary,The beautiful scenes were depicting the cultures of the 18th century.,with mountains and old villages.They met George whose shop was ridden with primitive gadgets,such as bayonets and tomahawks.He told the tourists about Bingo Weekend,a show arranged to earn money during tourism slump.Their last destination was an art museum.The visit left him with a lot of memories.

Orig=144
Precis=76

This is a meagre effort on my part.You guys can comment on it.[/QUOTE]
Is your vocabulary impressive?

To be very honest I liked his precis than that of yours.
YOUR title is also not artistic one.
How many marks did you attain in composition?

[QUOTE=Greenboat;983804]I have read your precis. It is well attempted; must be passed. Your title is also apprpriative and you did not make mistake in the very first sentence as well. The flow and vocabulary is better but it could have been even more better if you had usedsome idioms. The standered of vocabulary is fine. Baki I will comment on your comprehension later on.

Candidates are delibrately criticizing you, your composition is not thut bad. In my opinion you are slaughtered in the buthering tradition of FPSC.

As far as you are talking about highly qualified candidates who assesed your composition and papers, they all are right. My friends including M.Phil English literature, another candidate graduated from abroad reputed institution with distingsioned and many others were brutally buthered in composition paper. On the other hand, below average candidates managed to pass composition. This is all fragile assesment done by FPSC and nothing else.

If you have attempt at your dispodal, I would suggest you to go for it, prepare well. In Pakistan, CSS means to gamble your life.[/QUOTE]

Studying from abroad does not mean that you will have greatest writing skills.There are no statistics to back your claim.I have seen many students graduating abroad and they look upon Pakistani students with contempt.You should have found better reasons to excuse.

[QUOTE=Greenboat;983823]Is your vocabulary impressive?

To be very honest I liked his precis than that of yours.
How many marks did you attain in composition?[/QUOTE]

I have not attempted yet,Mr Abroad Pakistani.I was not comparing.Comment on his vocabulary was my own opinion.

Sorry errors,not terror:dd

[QUOTE=infinite optimism;983826]I have not attempted yet,Mr Abroad Pakistani.I was not comparing.Comment on his vocabulary was my own opinion.[/QUOTE]

By the way I am not abroad Pakistani. I am just a simple Pakistani.

I just gave my opinion what I felt realisticaly. I am not authority at all, you can disagree with me. Probably you dont have idea that what kind of efforts he made. I DONT KNOW who is he? But looking at his write up, which itself tells the story of slaughtering.

Wese apko idea nahi abhi ke bilawaja fail hokar kya feel hota hai jab sari efforts ek pal me khak me miljati hain. Abhi ap ek do attempt dain phir apko FPSC walo ka pata lagna hay then I will ask you!

[QUOTE=Greenboat;983832]By the way I am not abroad Pakistani. I am just a simple Pakistani.

I just gave my opinion what I felt realisticaly. I am not authority at all, you can disagree with me. Probably you dont have idea that what kind of efforts he made. I DONT KNOW who is he? But looking at his write up, which itself tells the story of slaughtering.

Wese apko idea nahi abhi ke bilawaja fail hokar kya feel hota hai jab sari efforts ek pal me khak me miljati hain. Abhi ap ek do attempt dain phir apko FPSC walo ka pata lagna hay then I will ask you![/QUOTE]

You slammed my precis without giving any reason.I have already lauded his effort on his essay in JWT.But you are whining and moaning,being an extra sentimental.So now, i can guess why you have been failed,because of being whiny,for Objectivity and backing your arguments are key in CSS.You criticized my effort,again without any reason,to show that you are sympathetic towards him,i guess that was the only reason.You are commenting uselessly.