Kindly critically analyze my Expansion of Idea

First deserve and then desire:


Touching the sky, reaching heights of successes , glory in life and have a comfort, prestigious, name and fame is every ones dream, a few make dream come true; because of their utmost effort, commitment, hard working and sheer dedication.
People who tend to only dream with no action results in failure to achieve their countless desires.
People who are lazy, greedy, lustfull and want to become rich overnight, use the illegal means to achieve their wishful desires without practical ways of struggle and hardworking.
Desiring is easy but deserving is most challenging one, as saying and doing are two different things. Desire demands do the more and more until you deserve to get it.
Quaid-e-Azam, desired the nation based on the ethos of Islam, He struggled day and night and brought the people under the flag of Islam and deserved to be the nation, according to their desires and finally claimed a nation on earth named Pakistan.

@Spiderman

Nice expansion, with novelty of ideas. Some suggestions:

1. First sentence is unusually long. It has repetition of same idea. At the same time, some logical mistakes as well, for example "glory in life and have a comfort, prestigious, name and fame is every ones dream". If you see the sentence after the words "and have a comfort......" . It is not making sense.

2. Please clearly state the facts, for example, the last sentence "Quaid e Azam .....". Well Quaid e Azam desired a country for a nation. He didn't desired for having a nation, simply because nation was already in existence.

3. A general suggestion. Don't over use commas.

Regards

Dear Sir,

Thank you very much for your kind response, you have rightly piointed out my weaknesses which includes long sentence, logical interpretation and punctuation.