[QUOTE=zuhaib ahmed;456391]Do Check it ASIF3531. I have written day before yesterday. None has checked it. Check it as you say about fantasies and realities. I shall have another way to write on. Thanks

Pearlys, you must check it too.[/QUOTE]
sir, your paragraph is the best one , it is enough to take good marks in exam, but we all are well about our competition, keep it up you possess extra ordinary skills of writing, best of luck...

[QUOTE=Asif3531;456393]Sir, I have checked all your posts, even i have checked your sentence corrections posts. I acknowledged and appreciated your initiative. You have good writing skills. BUT i was successful in figuring out few things related to your style and the stuff you have in your head. I am not criticizing you, as you have good english skills but it doesnt mean you are creative too.


You have to search for those things and correct it on time. As everything has a cost and nothing is free.[/QUOTE]

Dear, Just POINT OUT THOSE FANTASIES AND IMAGINARY THINGS?

I am waiting, find them out and post here.

[QUOTE=alihashmatkhoso;456394]sir, your paragraph is the best one , it is enough to take good marks in exam, but we all are well about our competition, keep it up you possess extra ordinary skills of writing, best of luck...[/QUOTE]

[B][B][SIZE="3"]Hey, Don't Call me SIR. I am much younger to You. And, I have just cleared my Intermediate. So, just preparing and learning. :) And, you gonna Rock On. You will win, indeed. I am damn sure.

May Allah bless you. [/SIZE][/B][/B]

Few minor things, as i have told you that you will have to check for the things yourself.

You love to get into the past and generally ignore the present at the same time.

You love to quote rome and persia, which is good but at the cost of those .....?

You love philosophies, you love to quote Ghandi and rumi in your texts but nothing about Muhammad PBUH, Umar, Ali,

iqbal, sir syed, Khushal, Rehman, liauqat.. You want me to tell more?


Present is Present, try to live in it, own it and its all that you have. Past was experience, Future is unknown but Present is what you have. Its a gift. ALL essays and expressions points towards present.

[quote=asif3531;456398]few minor things, as i have told you that you will have to check for the things yourself.

You love to get into the past and generally ignore the present at the same time.

You love to quote rome and persia, which is good but at the cost of those .....?
[color="darkred"][b][center][size="5"][font="arial black"][/font][/size][/center][/b][/color]
you love philosophies, you love to quote ghandi and rumi in your texts but nothing about muhammad pbuh, umar, ali,

iqbal, sir syed, khushal, rehman, liauqat.. You want me to tell more?


Present is present, try to live in it, own it and its all that you have. Past was experience, future is unknown but present is what you have. Its a gift. All essays and expressions points towards present.[/quote]


[b]haha!

A senior can reply it well. :) [/b]

Those were the minor suggestions and about your writing style, anyone one can tell you about its "Originality".

"Brevity is the soul of wit". An awesome Saying.

[B]I shall[/B] stop here now :dd

[COLOR="Purple"][SIZE="4"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"][B]Call no Man Happy till he is Dead.

Until and Unless, man lives in this materialistic and greedy world, he cannot be Happy. Man is shackled and chained in this magical world. Adam and eve were thrown on earth for punishment. Earth was considered a jail for them. So, how can a man live happily in a jail? Man can be happy when he is freed of the shackles.

Change is constant. If spring comes; flowers bloom up. When autumn enters, flowers wither. A man cannot be happy, even if he has health, wealth and all luxuries of life. In the book, Prince of Abyssinia, by Samuel Johnson. Rasselas, the prince, had everything of world. But, he could not live happily in his palace. He left his palace and tried to find and explore happiness in world. And, He could find nowhere.

Man lives, expects, desires, feels panic and tragedies, never lives happily. Life is nevertheless a tragedy. Hazrat ALi A.S said, "Oh! World, I have divorced you for three times." Until and unless, man desires, he cannot be happy. It can only be expected by a Dead Man. He cannot desire, feel pain and response who is dead.

Rousseau said, "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." Man can not live in gala days because he is chained with chains of responsibilities, expectations, dreams, fears, taxes and desires. Everyman in this world is unhappy unless he dies. That is the only way to break the shackles of mortal and materialistic world.

By: Xuhaib Ahmed Pirzada. 21 July. 7:45 Am. 250 words!

[CENTER]Everyone is requested to check and Mark it. [/CENTER]


[/B][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

call no man happy till he is dead

all i can think about this topic is chacha ghalib ka shair :)
qaid e hayat o band e gham asal main dono aik hain
mout sy pehly admi gham sy nijat pay kiun!!!! :D

قید حیات و بند غم ، اصل میں دونوں ایک ہیں
موت سے پہلے آدمی غم سے نجات پائے کیوں؟

Translation:
The prison of life and the bondage of grief are one and the same
Before the onset of death, how can man expect to be free of grief?

[CENTER][SIZE="4"][B][FONT="Courier New"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Do write on it!

Prosperity Make Friends-Adversity Tries Them. :[/COLOR][/FONT][/B][/SIZE][/CENTER]

[QUOTE=Anum Bashir;456487]call no man happy till he is dead

all i can think about this topic is chacha ghalib ka shair :)
qaid e hayat o band e gham asal main dono aik hain
mout sy pehly admi gham sy nijat pay kiun!!!! :D[/QUOTE]

Zaberdust, A good one. It speaks the very Topic.

[QUOTE=zuhaib ahmed;456594][CENTER][SIZE="4"][B][FONT="Courier New"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Do write on it!

Prosperity Make Friends-Adversity Tries Them. :[/COLOR][/FONT][/B][/SIZE][/CENTER][/QUOTE]

“Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them”

It is a universal truth that when one has success, power, money and everything so everyone tries to make friendship and maintain relationships but when one has none of the above things everyone leaves him. As Adolf Hitler says that keep on working hard regardless of result when you are successful everyone follow you but when you in dark your own shadow will leave you.

In our daily life, we usually see that when any person gets success we make friendship with him because we have certain interests but when he comes in hot water we usually ignore him. Thomas Hobbes says that man by nature is selfish.

Saddam Hussain former despotic ruler of Iraq, when he was under the patronage of America he enjoyed a lot even his rival country Iran recognized him but when he came in adversity his own generals left him in the lurch.

The recent Arab Spring, which was occurred in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt. When their leaders were prosperous every country tried to make friendship with them but once they came in adversity no one helped them.
:thinking

[QUOTE=kashifali85;456666]“Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them”

It is a universal truth that when one has success, power, money and everything so everyone tries to make friendship and maintain relationships but when one has none of the above things everyone leaves him. As Adolf Hitler says that keep on working hard regardless of result when you are successful everyone follow you but when you in dark your own shadow will leave you.

In our daily life, we usually see that when any person gets success we make friendship with him because we have certain interests but when he comes in hot water we usually ignore him. Thomas Hobbes says that man by nature is selfish.

Saddam Hussain former despotic ruler of Iraq, when he was under the patronage of America he enjoyed a lot even his rival country Iran recognized him but when he came in adversity his own generals left him in the lurch.

The recent Arab Spring, which was occurred in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt. When their leaders were prosperous every country tried to make friendship with them but once they came in adversity no one helped them.
:thinking[/QUOTE]
It was quite good attempt, but you have committed mistakes in punctuating the sentences correctly. Do check it. Another thing which needs attention is grammar. You have made such mistakes in your grammar as: 'Saddam Hussain former despotic ruler of Iraq, when he was under the patronage of America'. This sentence should be written as: "When the former despotic ruler, saddam hussain, was under patronage of America". Similarly, few other sentences like this one need to be corrected.

Regards

[QUOTE=Asif3531;456383]Nope, The main theme of this proverb is related to the realities of life. No man on this earth is happy, each have his own problems. Man on this earth cannot be happy all the time. Death only brings an end to his miseries and give him rest from all sorrows of this world forever.[/QUOTE]


you yourself has lighted the theme very well. Every one has its own style and it does'nt mean he or she has to write acutely according to your own assessnent. If you really go through to this particular expansion then Xuhaib rightly explained it ,focusing man is in jail'' vice versa.secondly, one proverb has multi-themes and these implied to life .so each theme is correct if it is proved logically and rationally.And point out where xuhaib has not use logic because your judgement is flawed but i tend to agree with your stance ''expansion should be based on present '' ,so if there are mistakes ,highlight them. Thirdly ,please write expansion on the following theme so one can get what you are trying to convey!!!



"ab to ghabra ke be khty hn mer jaen
mr ke be chain na pya to kider jae hum

1-contentment

2-concept of hell and heaven

3.envy ..psycho analysis

many more theme this provetb contain but one has to provr one with solid arguments!!

[QUOTE=SADIA SHAFIQ;456713]you yourself has lighted the theme very well. Every one has its own style and it does'nt mean he or she has to write acutely according to your own assessnent. If you really go through to this particular expansion then Xuhaib rightly explained it ,focusing man is in jail'' vice versa.secondly, one proverb has multi-themes and these implied to life .so each theme is correct if it is proved logically and rationally.And point out where xuhaib has not use logic because your judgement is flawed but i tend to agree with your stance ''expansion should be based on present '' ,so if there are mistakes ,highlight them. Thirdly ,please write expansion on the following theme so one can get what you are trying to convey!!!



"ab to ghabra ke be khty hn mer jaen
mr ke be chain na pya to kider jae hum

1-contentment

2-concept of hell and heaven

3.envy ..psycho analysis

many more theme this provetb contain but one has to provr one with solid arguments!![/QUOTE]


[B]Thanks a lot. Quite well explanation. Keep on helping. :)[/B]

[QUOTE=kashifali85;456666]“Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them”

It is a universal truth that when one has success, power, money and everything so [B]everyone tries to make friendship and maintain relationships[/B] [B](KIS K SATH FRIENDSHIP RAKHNA CHAHTAY HAIN)[/B] but when one has none of the above things everyone leaves him. [B]As Adolf Hitler says that keep on working hard regardless of result when you are successful everyone follow you but when you in dark your own shadow will leave you.
[/B] (Is this the correct quotation? I think, it is like; When you are in light, everyone follows you, but when you are in dark, even your shadows leaves you. KUCH IS TARAH K WORDS HAIN. )



In our daily life, we usually see that when any person gets success we make friendship with him because we have certain interests but when he comes in hot water we usually ignore him. Thomas Hobbes says that man by nature is selfish.

Saddam Hussain[B],[/B] former despotic ruler of Iraq, when he was under the patronage of America[B],[/B] he enjoyed a lot even his rival country Iran recognized him but when he came in adversity his own generals left him in the lurch.

The recent Arab Spring, which was occurred in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt. When their leaders were prosperous every country tried to make friendship with them but once they came in adversity no one helped them.
:thinking[/QUOTE]

[SIZE="3"][FONT="Arial Black"][B]
[B][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]Quite well. Try to write exact words of Quotation.

You have given quite good examples and reasons but you didn't conclude it well.

You could give a message regarding topic in the last of Expansion.

Overall, Good One. [/B]

[B][/B][CENTER][B][U]Prosperity Make Friends,Adversity Tries Them[/U][/B][/CENTER]

[LEFT][FONT="Arial Narrow"]It is an undeniable fact that when a man steps up the ladder of success & acquires a lavish life-style,people start befriending him to channel his fortunes for their own good.However,such people with selfish aims are only to stay with him in his heydays not the otherwise. When providence turns the page & that same man faces adversity,he gets the chance to recognize the real face of his so called friends. Though purple-patch of one's life keeps coming & going but this very movement is enough to test who stands beside the loser and who abandons him.
It is a common observation that everyone wants to develop contact with the one who has some clout to influence & manipulate or simply have an enviable socio-economic status.People show great enthusiasm in befriending those who could be future assistance in any form or any way. This is the pull factor that often draws selfish people.Albeit it is strange that when a person goes through hardships,he weeps alone.Nowhere he finds those cronies around who,during his smooth-sailing,never missed a chance to ensure him of their loyalty.
Adversities like a magnifying glass reveal the true substance of one's best friend(s).Adversities teach her victim who to befriend & trust though in a hard way. [/FONT][/LEFT]



please evaluate,mark & guide!!

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456773][B][/B][CENTER][B][U]Prosperity Make Friends,Adversity Tries Them[/U][/B][/CENTER]

[LEFT][FONT="Arial Narrow"]It is an undeniable fact that when a man steps up the ladder of success & acquires a lavish life-style,people start befriending him to channel his fortunes for their own good.However,such people with selfish aims are only to stay with him in his heydays not the otherwise. When providence turns the page & that same man faces adversity,he gets the chance to recognize the real face of his so called friends. Though purple-patch of one's life keeps coming & going but this very movement is enough to test who stands beside the loser and who abandons him.
It is a common observation that everyone wants to develop contact with the one who has some clout to influence & manipulate or simply have an enviable socio-economic status.People show great enthusiasm in befriending those who could be future assistance in any form or any way. This is the pull factor that often draws selfish people.Albeit it is strange that when a person goes through hardships,he weeps alone.Nowhere he finds those cronies around who,during his smooth-sailing,never missed a chance to ensure him of their loyalty.
Adversities like a magnifying glass reveal the true substance of one's best friend(s).Adversities teach her victim who to befriend & trust though in a hard way. [/FONT][/LEFT]



please evaluate,mark & guide!![/QUOTE]
[B]
Quite well! Good use of vocabulary.

You could give good examples.

Overall, more than 10 for this one. :)

And, Did you read expansion of mine on yesterday's topic, CALL NO MAN..........?[/B]

[QUOTE=zuhaib ahmed;456402][COLOR="Purple"][SIZE="4"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"][B]Call no Man Happy till he is Dead.

Until and Unless, man lives in this materialistic and greedy world, he cannot be Happy. Man is shackled and chained in this [B]magical world[/B]. Adam and eve were thrown on earth for punishment. Earth was considered a jail for them. So, how can a man live happily in a jail? Man can be happy when he is freed of the shackles.

Change is constant. If spring comes; flowers bloom up. When autumn enters, flowers wither. A man cannot be happy, even if he has health, wealth and all luxuries of life. In the book, Prince of Abyssinia, by Samuel Johnson. Rasselas, the prince, had everything of world. But, he could not live happily in his palace. He left his palace and tried to find and explore happiness in world. And, He could find nowhere.

Man lives, expects, desires, feels panic and tragedies, never lives happily. Life is nevertheless a tragedy. Hazrat ALi A.S said, "Oh! World, I have divorced you for three times." Until and unless, man desires, he cannot be happy. It can only be expected by a Dead Man. He cannot desire, feel pain and response who is dead.

Rousseau said, "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." Man can not live in gala days because he is chained with chains of responsibilities, expectations, dreams, fears, taxes and desires. Everyman in this world is unhappy unless he dies. That is the only way to break the shackles of mortal and materialistic world.

By: Xuhaib Ahmed Pirzada. 21 July. 7:45 Am. 250 words!

[CENTER]Everyone is requested to check and Mark it. [/CENTER]


[/B][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]


understanding & examples are relevant & too the point.:bow:clap

instead of magical world you could use something more negative..:wacko: just a thought..

overall piece depicts your grasp & application of knowledge :shy
something that i often ignores:sad
good one :thinking

[SIZE="4"][CENTER][B][COLOR="Magenta"]Dear, Friends! Do write on it.

A thing of beauty is joy for ever. John Keats. [/COLOR][/B][/CENTER][/SIZE]

[B][SIZE="4"][COLOR="Magenta"][FONT="Courier New"]A Thing of beauty is joy forever


Beauty is the greatest and the vastest source of joy in this cosmic universe. Each particle in this beautiful and soulful world has essence of beauty _beauty is the parent of joy. It is insurmountable, it roots out grieves and gloom from one's heart, gives blooming joy and takes to the gala and soulful world. It is infinite blessing of GOD which is worthy of admiration and sweetest source of joy.



Beauty is untiring attraction for artists like the infinite gravitation of black holes. Sculptures depict the nature, make idols and whiff the soul of beauty in it. Poets hug beauty of universe and give breath of beauty in their words. Flute man with his flute sings language of soul with essence of beauty. Singers take voice of heavens and sing among souls and angles. And, painter with his colors make the beauty infinite. Work of artist is essence of beauty _where there is existence of art there is presence of beauty and where is presence of beauty there is essence of joy.



World is poured with purest beauty which makes eyes behold it forever, makes tongue to sing songs of praise for it. Compels hands to compose poems for it, makes brains to be in its fantasy, Pulls feet to move towards it, makes body worship and makes soul lover of it. Sky, moon, stars, tress, birds and seasons how beautiful they are! They are real soul of joy _an infinite joy. He who beholds its beauty a moment that moment becomes eternal joy for him which flows in soul like a river.


Nature is full with beauty from a star to a flower there are thousands sources of beauty and each source becomes the eternal joy for man. Beauty of nature in first espy gives sweetest smile to the soul. A smile of beauty changes the lives. Indeed, Thing of beauty is joy forever.

"Beauty is truth and truth beauty." John Keats

Do check and Mark!

BY:
XUHAIB AHMED THE TRAVELLER[/FONT][/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]

[B]Man probes into space but not into himself
[/B]
In the above mentioned lines the wise man is trying to elaborate the reality, that space which was considered unconquerable and was an unsolved puzzle of history. Is now due to scientific advancement being probed. On the other hand man is getting far from himself. All energies are directed outward, to discover what is on mercury or any other planet and moon. On the contrary man has failed to discover self. He is unaware which energies are working inside him. He does not know the functioning of his mind. Like when he sleeps or wakes up he is unaware of the whole process. He is also unaware of the force which is making functional all the immunal system of body. With eyeing to uncover the space he is also spiritually backward, but he knows how to survive in the space and which instrument and gear is required to move in the space. The more man is unearthing the space, the more he is getting away from self. So the writer has rightly said that man has probed into space but not into himself............

Seniors Please check and highlight my weaknesses........

[QUOTE=Malik Iqbal;457210][B]Man probes into space but not into himself
[/B]
In the above mentioned lines the wise man is trying to elaborate the reality, that space which was considered unconquerable and was an unsolved puzzle of history. Is now due to scientific advancement being probed. On the other hand man is getting far from himself. All energies are directed outward, to discover what is on mercury or any other planet and moon. On the contrary man has failed to discover self. He is unaware which energies are working inside him. He does not know the functioning of his mind. Like when he sleeps or wakes up he is unaware of the whole process. He is also unaware of the force which is making functional all the immunal system of body. With eyeing to uncover the space he is also spiritually backward, but he knows how to survive in the space and which instrument and gear is required to move in the space. The more man is unearthing the space, the more he is getting away from self. So the writer has rightly said that man has probed into space but not into himself............

Seniors Please check and highlight my weaknesses........[/QUOTE]


Quite well.
[B]
that space which was considered unconquerable and was an unsolved puzzle of history.[/B]

Does writer say this?

You have much focused on SPACE rather than SELF.
You had to focus on SELF rather than SPACE.

It is like:

[B]You read novel but not your college course.[/B]

Means, I want to say you to READ YOUR COLLEGE COURSE.

Same, Man SHOULD PROBE INTO SELF was the key point.


Overall, quite well done.

[B]Sweet are the uses of adversities[/B]........

In this statement the wise man is trying to explain that a person learns more during his hard time than in his days of being in saddles. Difficulty comes not to overwhelm man, but to make him conscious and realize him his weaknesses and limitations. He knows the value of time and resources which he has wasted or not utilized and has not saved nine for rainy day. He then strives hard in order to come out of the crisis and break the shackles of dependence. For instance, after the catastrophies of Second World War Japan was almost finished. This great nation without losing hope rises from the ashes and strives hard to attain their lost glory and regain their status in the world. Know there is no match of the said state technologically on the planet and have prepared them for the sunny day. The nation or people who do not learn lesson from their mistakes and difficulties. So history repeats itself, but at a much higher cost.

[QUOTE=Malik Iqbal;457667][B]Sweet are the uses of adversities[/B]........

In this statement the wise man is trying to explain that a person learns more during his hard time than in his days of being in saddles. Difficulty comes not to overwhelm man, but to make him conscious and realize him his weaknesses and limitations. He knows the value of time and resources which he has wasted or not utilized and has not saved nine for rainy day. He then strives hard in order to come out of the crisis and break the shackles of dependence. For instance, after the catastrophies of Second World War Japan was almost finished. This great nation without losing hope rises from the ashes and strives hard to attain their lost glory and regain their status in the world. Know there is no match of the said state technologically on the planet and have prepared them for the sunny day. The nation or people who do not learn lesson from their mistakes and difficulties. So history repeats itself, but at a much higher cost.[/QUOTE]

Good Effort!

My advice would be to increase the word count, make atleast two paragraphs, include some quotation, give one more example.

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456773][B][/B][CENTER][B][U]Prosperity Make Friends,Adversity Tries Them[/U][/B][/CENTER]

[LEFT][FONT="Arial Narrow"]It is an undeniable fact that when a man steps up the ladder of success & acquires a lavish life-style,people start befriending him to channel his fortunes for their own good.However,such people with selfish aims are only to stay with him in his heydays not the otherwise. When providence turns the page & that same man faces adversity,he gets the chance to recognize the real face of his so called friends. Though purple-patch of one's life keeps coming & going but this very movement is enough to test who stands beside the loser and who abandons him.
It is a common observation that everyone wants to develop contact with the one who has some clout to influence & manipulate or simply have an enviable socio-economic status.People show great enthusiasm in befriending those who could be future assistance in any form or any way. This is the pull factor that often draws selfish people.Albeit it is strange that when a person goes through hardships,he weeps alone.Nowhere he finds those cronies around who,during his smooth-sailing,never missed a chance to ensure him of their loyalty.
Adversities like a magnifying glass reveal the true substance of one's best friend(s).Adversities teach her victim who to befriend & trust though in a hard way. [/FONT][/LEFT]



please evaluate,mark & guide!![/QUOTE]

Your expression is good and you have nicely divided the expansion into short paragraphs.
Expansion is supposed to be around 250-300 words so increase your word count.
You have given your point of view but not supporting events / examples to substantiate your stance. You may include some real life examples to justify your point of view.
If you can have a quotation related to the topic, its even better.

Good luck :)

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456270][B][U][FONT="Arial Black"]Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy
[/FONT][/U][/B]

Hero & villain are two characters that never leave us alone because either we are to act like the one or to take side of one. however,the romanticism that is attached with the word "hero" never fails to charm us & to make us feel greatly attractive toward this word & theme of heroism. Nonetheless,being a hero does come with a price-tag that is not in the pay-range of ordinary souls or we may say that when their is a hero,their is or are tragedies & trials by life_that goes a step beyond to test their mettle. the word 'hero' itself symbolizes the theme of being superior from all.so when we perceive someone as hero,this is certainly because of something exceptional done by him.this something exceptional may be his courage,bravery,spirit of fight against all odds or any task that an ordinary man may feel too hefty to be undertaken by him.thus somewhere we all connect this word hero with some sort of milestone or benchmark which is a must to cross or achieve to gain the title.
being a hero or person of unique abilities & achievements is not a piece of cake. striving to conquer something hitherto invincible or staying impregnable despite volley of teething problems is a constant journey. those who choose this path are extraordinary souls in ordinary bodies. though this earned them an eternal fame or laurels. however,a hard earned & maintained fame. once a person put on the shoes of a 'hero' after hackneyed struggle another battle ensues. battle to keep one's prestigious position or success.
when we go down the history lane & start glancing over life stories of all great people we know,we come across unique stories of sufferings,struggles & success. nelson mandella & aung san suu kyi are two great names of modern political world.they are hero for their people in their own way. mandella earned this fame after a long fight for the rights of his nation.he suffered imprisonment for 27 years.aung san suu kyi arrested for around 15 years in 20 years.again a persistent stance against trials thrown in by life. thus these long years of battling for the right thing & negating all luxuries offered by self-centredness fetched them the halo of glory.
thus the romanticism the word 'hero' exhibit is not without cost. jealousies, bottlenecks,traps,ploys,conspiracies & what not that come to hinder the path of a hero.it seems life too show it's stiff side before taking a hardworking man into her comforting lap.but after giving him taste of her cozy side,she again turns demanding.life is a teacher that never ceases to take exams & those who claim to be hero,for them life too shows her super skills of erecting barriers & animating nightmares.so,show me a hero & i will write you a tragedy.



please do check[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456344][CENTER][B][U][FONT="Arial Black"]Call No Man Happy Till He is Dead[/FONT][/U][/B][/CENTER]


A human heart is full of desires & quest for everything he covets is in human nature. Nonetheless,desires have strange property that the more they are fulfilled the more they get multiplied. This continuous running after one's desires reduced a man into an unhappy & unsatisfied being who only gets peace after death.
Urge to amass & amplify one's gain is not new & unusual. Competing with fellow humans is not bad in itself but this makes life a machine fueled by one's own peace. This ultimate toll of having countless desires stops when one stops breathing.
When we start entertaining an idea to accomplish something or to achieve something special this peddles us to work hard. When that goal has been achieved,immense joy follows in. The sense of achievement itself propels a man to take further stride. Then comes another goal another cherished dream & wheel of struggle again picks motion. This activity start treading a path that takes away happiness & satisfaction by replacing them with greed & ungratefulness.
As all human beings are or majority of them tends to drift into this endless cycle of desires,dreams & demands. Thus they all somewhere in their heart feel a gap a void that stays unfulfilled or in some cases gets wider.Only after death this void gets filled & peace comes in. Thus it is apt that call no man happy till he is dead because precisely that is the state where he no more feel the need to improve.


total time:30 minutes

kindly check & mark[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=usman khalid;457677]Your expression is good and you have nicely divided the expansion into short paragraphs.
Expansion is supposed to be around 250-300 words so increase your word count.
You have given your point of view but not supporting events / examples to substantiate your stance. You may include some real life examples to justify your point of view.
If you can have a quotation related to the topic, its even better.

Good luck :)[/QUOTE]

thanks for evaluating...if it's possible,kindly read & rate above quoted expansions too...so that i get better idea.

regards

[B]Man is Architect of his own fortune[/B]

In this statement of wise man is trying to explain that man himself is responsible for his development. Luck has nothing to do with it; it is man struggle that counts. He designs his own future what he sows today will be harvested in future. So it solely depends upon what he strives for. In order to be successful in life there is a dire need to burn midnight oil. Good planning is also a component of future achievements.

There are people in the history, who belong to an ordinary family background. They did not only design their destiny, but also changes the course of history. Like, the former United States president Abraham Lincoln, who was a son of slave, he with his planning and efforts managed to break the shackles of slavery. He not only managed to get at the helm of the affairs of his state, but also save his country from civil war.

People who wait and depend on others have a very small share in future. They get what is left by others. Bill Gates one of the richest and successful businessman was not a wealthy person. He did not wait for a miracle to be happened or depended on others to lend countenance to him. He himself stepped forward and work hard, now he has not only say in the US, but all over the world. So from the said discussion it is clear that man himself is architect of his own fortune…………………….


[B]
Seniors please check and assess me..............[/B]

[QUOTE=Malik Iqbal;457689][B]Man is Architect of his own fortune[/B]

In this statement of wise man is trying to explain that man himself is responsible for his development. Luck has nothing to do with it; it is man struggle that counts. He designs his own future what he sows today will be harvested in future. So it solely depends upon what he strives for. In order to be successful in life there is a dire need to burn midnight oil. Good planning is also a component of future achievements.

There are people in the history, who belong to an ordinary family background. They did not only design their destiny, but also changes the course of history. Like, the former United States president Abraham Lincoln, who was a son of slave, he with his planning and efforts managed to break the shackles of slavery. He not only managed to get at the helm of the affairs of his state, but also save his country from civil war.

People who wait and depend on others have a very small share in future. They get what is left by others. Bill Gates one of the richest and successful businessman was not a wealthy person. He did not wait for a miracle to be happened or depended on others to lend countenance to him. He himself stepped forward and work hard, now he has not only say in the US, but all over the world. So from the said discussion it is clear that man himself is architect of his own fortune…………………….


[B]
Seniors please check and assess me..............[/B][/QUOTE]


though i am not a senior but still want to comment....very sensible piece of writing & natural flow in style :))

[QUOTE=Malik Iqbal;457667][B]Sweet are the uses of adversities[/B]........

In this statement the wise man is trying to explain that a person learns more during his hard time than in his days of being in saddles. Difficulty comes not to overwhelm man, but to make him conscious and realize him his weaknesses and limitations. He knows the value of time and resources which he has wasted or not utilized and has not saved nine for rainy day. He then strives hard in order to come out of the crisis and break the shackles of dependence. [B]For instance, after the catastropheis of Second World War Japan was almost finished. This great nation without losing hope rises from the ashes and strives hard to attain their lost glory and regain their status in the world.[/B] [COLOR="DarkRed"](You started this idea in Past, it was better to End in Past.)[/COLOR] [B]Know[/B] [COLOR="DarkRed"](NOW)[/COLOR] there is no match of the said state technologically on the planet and have prepared them for the sunny day. [B]The nation or people who do not learn lesson from their mistakes and difficulties. [/B] [COLOR="DarkRed"](WHAT DOES HAPPEN TO THEM?)[/COLOR] [B]So history repeats itself, but at a much higher cost.[/B][COLOR="DarkRed"](Re-arrange it, it confuses; don't you think so?) [/COLOR]
[COLOR="DarkRed"][/QUOTE] [SIZE="3"][B]

Word limit is 250-300. Your are 170.

Try to divide your expansion into three or four Paragraphs.

1 Para. Meaning and Central Idea.
2nd and 3rd Para. Examples, justification and quotation.
4th. Conclusion with an appropriate message.[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR]

Overall Good efforts. :)

[QUOTE=Malik Iqbal;457689][B]Man is Architect of his own fortune[/B]

In this statement [B]of[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"](OMIT OF)[/COLOR] wise man is trying to explain that man himself is responsible for his [B]development[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"]ONLY DEVELOPMENT??? )[/COLOR] . Luck has nothing to do with it; it is [B]man[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"]MAN'S[/COLOR] struggle that [B]counts[/B] ([COLOR="Magenta"]IS COUNTED[/COLOR]). He designs his own future what he sows today will be harvested in future. So it solely depends upon what he strives for. In order to be successful in life there is a dire need to burn midnight oil. Good planning is also a component of future achievements.

There [B]are[/B] [B][COLOR="Magenta"]WERE[/COLOR][/B] people in the history, who [B]belong[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"]BELONGED[/COLOR] to an ordinary family background. They did not only design their destiny, but also [B]changes[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"]CHANGED[/COLOR] the course of history. Like, the former United States president Abraham Lincoln, who was a son of slave, he with his planning and efforts managed to break the shackles of slavery. He not only managed to get at the helm of the affairs of his state, but also [B]save[/B][COLOR="Magenta"] SAVED [/COLOR]his country from civil war.

People who wait and depend on others have a very small share in future. They get what is left by others. Bill Gates one of the richest and successful businessman was not a wealthy person. [B]He did not wait for a miracle [B]to be happened [/B]or depended on others to lend countenance to him[/B]. [COLOR="Magenta"](IS IT NOT BETTER TO WRITE LIKE: He neither waited for miracle to happen nor depended on others to lend countenance to him.)[/COLOR] He himself stepped forward and [B]work hard[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"]WORKED HARD[/COLOR] [B].[/B] [B]N[/B]ow he has not only [B]say[/B] [COLOR="Magenta"](what does this mean here)[/COLOR] in the US, but all over the world. So from the said discussion it is clear that man himself is architect of his own fortune…………………….


[B]
Seniors please check and assess me..............[/B][/QUOTE]

Good one. [B]Learn uses of Tenses.[/B]

Best Of luck.

[SIZE="4"][B][LEFT][CENTER][COLOR="Magenta"]Write On IT!

Time and Tide Waits For No Man.[/COLOR][/CENTER][/LEFT][/B][/SIZE]

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456270][B][U][FONT="Arial Black"]
Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy
[/FONT][/U][/B]

Some (Not all) of the suggested corrections have been coloured. Some mistakes are repeating so not all of those have been coloured. You may easily locate the uncoloured with the help of suggested corrections.

Hero [COLOR="Orange"]&[/COLOR] (Better to use 'and' in formal English writing) villain are two characters that never leave us alone because either [COLOR="Orange"]we are to act like or take side of the one.[/COLOR] however,the romanticism that is attached with the word "hero" never fails to charm us [COLOR="Orange"]&[/COLOR] to make us feel greatly attractive toward this word [COLOR="Orange"]&[/COLOR] theme of heroism. Nonetheless,being a hero does come with a price-tag that is not in the pay-range of ordinary souls or we may say that when their is a hero,their is or are tragedies [COLOR="Orange"]&[/COLOR] trials by life[COLOR="orange"]_[/COLOR]that goes a step beyond to test their mettle. [COLOR="orange"]The[/COLOR] word 'hero' itself symbolizes the theme of being superior from [COLOR="orange"]others[/COLOR].so when we perceive someone as [COLOR="orange"]a[/COLOR] hero,this is certainly because of something exceptional done by him.[COLOR="Orange"]This[/COLOR] something exceptional may be his courage,bravery,spirit of fight against all odds or any task that an ordinary man may [COLOR="orange"]feel too hefty to be undertaken.[/COLOR] (No need to add 'to him' here) [COLOR="orange"]Thus[/COLOR] somewhere we all connect this word hero with some sort of milestone or benchmark which is a must to [COLOR="orange"]cross a hurdle or gain a title.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="orange"]Being[/COLOR] a hero or person of unique abilities [COLOR="orange"]&[/COLOR] achievements is not a piece of cake. [COLOR="orange"]Striving[/COLOR] to conquer something hitherto invincible or staying impregnable despite volley of teething problems is a constant journey. [COLOR="orange"]Those[/COLOR] who choose this path are extraordinary souls in ordinary bodies. though this earned them an eternal fame or laurels. however,a hard earned & maintained fame. once a person put on the shoes of a 'hero' after hackneyed struggle another battle ensues. battle to keep one's prestigious position or success.
when we go down the history lane & start glancing over life stories of all great [COLOR="orange"]people, we come across[/COLOR] unique stories of sufferings,struggles & success. [COLOR="orange"]Nelson Mandella[/COLOR] & Aung San Suu Kyi are two great names of modern political world.they are [COLOR="orange"]heros[/COLOR] for their people in their own way. mandella earned this fame after a long fight for the rights of his nation.he suffered imprisonment for 27 years.aung san suu kyi [COLOR="orange"]remained under arrest[/COLOR] for around 15 years in 20 years.again a persistent stance against trials thrown in by life. thus these long years of battling for the right thing & negating all luxuries offered by self-centredness fetched them the halo of glory.
thus the romanticism the word 'hero' exhibit is not without cost. jealousies, bottlenecks,traps,ploys,conspiracies & what not that come to hinder the path of a hero.it seems life too show it's stiff side before taking a hardworking man into her comforting lap.but after giving him taste of her cozy side,she again turns demanding.life is a teacher that never ceases to take exams & those who claim to be hero,for them life too shows her super skills of erecting barriers & animating nightmares.so,show me a hero & i will write you a tragedy.

please do check[/QUOTE]

Good one!

However, here are some suggestions:

Reduce the word count of expansion upto maximum of 300 words.
Capitalize the first alphabet of the first word of a new sentence.
Capitalize first alphabet of any particular noun. If the noun comprises of more than one word, capitalize first alphabet of all the words. (i.e. Nelson Mandela)
Use 'and' in place of '&' in formal English writing.

[QUOTE=pearlyS;456344][CENTER][B][U][FONT="Arial Black"]Call No Man Happy Till He is Dead[/FONT][/U][/B][/CENTER]


A human heart is full of desires & quest for everything he covets is in human nature. Nonetheless,desires have strange property that the more they are fulfilled the more they get multiplied. This continuous running after one's desires reduced a man into an unhappy & unsatisfied being who only gets peace after death.
Urge to amass & amplify one's gain is not new & unusual. Competing with fellow humans is not bad in itself but this makes life a machine fueled by one's own peace. This ultimate toll of having countless desires stops when one stops breathing.
When we start entertaining an idea to accomplish something or to achieve something special this peddles us to work hard. When that goal has been achieved,immense joy follows in. The sense of achievement itself propels a man to take further stride. Then comes another goal another cherished dream & wheel of struggle again picks motion. This activity start treading a path that takes away happiness & satisfaction by replacing them with greed & ungratefulness.
As all human beings are or majority of them tends to drift into this endless cycle of desires,dreams & demands. Thus they all somewhere in their heart feel a gap a void that stays unfulfilled or in some cases gets wider.Only after death this void gets filled & peace comes in. Thus it is apt that call no man happy till he is dead because precisely that is the state where he no more feel the need to improve.


total time:30 minutes

kindly check & mark[/QUOTE]

Good one! However, try to include some real life examples to supplement your stance.

[QUOTE=usman khalid;458479]Good one! However, try to include some real life examples to supplement your stance.[/QUOTE]

other than this what would you suggest me to further enhance my style of writing???

[QUOTE=pearlyS;458483]other than this what would you suggest me to further enhance my style of writing???[/QUOTE]

Your style of writing is quite good. Writing simple sentences and ocassionly introducing some good vocab words is recommended. No need to complicate things. The simpler, the better. Keep on writing the way you are doing and IN SHA ALLAH you ll keep on improving.

[B]Show me a hero,I will write you a tragedy[/B]


''Do not seek ease in thy journey of life.
Rather explore signs what is ordained for you.
Face thy mishaps with courage ,
like one's slamming towards your corpse.''

It is oft -quoted that ,''life is not a bed of roses''.life is a compund of happiness and sufferings ;the more you face the sufferings you will be granted with internal rest.so ,it manifests itself brave persons have undergone a series of misfortunes but they changed the path of their luck with endless efforts.

The one who aims high ,got their destined heaven .It seems life has choosen them in order to examine what they can do . Our beloved Holy prophet (p.b.u.h) experienced cruelities of infidels then any other man or prophet . So ,The tragic path of His life has given him a title of ''Rahmat -ul-alameen'' ,and Haider .

Common man has become hero among large masses by converting the miseries of life .This phenomena demands heroic endevour . The up and downs are common in every body 'life but what lacks is wit and bravery .Tipo sultan was martyred and named as hero. Because ,he faced misfortunes and even faced death like one who is going to embrace friend .


All men have equal rights but it is History that tells us a different thing . Many of them were assassinated,put behind the bars ,fired but were reluctant to their cause .Their will power ,to face the tragedy of life have made them hero.

Storms captured me to weigh my courage,
and you assumed it ,i am in difficulty,
I have beaten thy ruthless waves,
I have made my own destiny,
I am the hero of my own life.

It does not imply that hero is never beaten but the one who has been hard done by life .when the scale of tolerance hightened will power then fate knelt down towards the man like a maid

[QUOTE=SADIA SHAFIQ;458748][B]Show me a hero,I will write you a tragedy[/B]


''Do not seek ease in thy journey of life.[COLOR="Magenta"][/COLOR]
Rather explore signs what is ordained for you.
Face thy mishaps with courage ,[COLOR="DarkRed"][/COLOR]
like one's slamming towards your corpse.''

It is oft -quoted that ,''life is not a bed of roses''.life is a compound of happiness and sufferings ; you face the sufferings you will be granted with internal rest
[B](It was better to write like; The more one faces the sufferings the more one is granted with internal rest.)[/B] .so ,it manifests itself[B].[/B] [B]B[/B]rave persons have undergone a series of misfortunes but they changed the path of their luck with endless efforts.

The one who aims high ,got their destined heaven.[B](Those who aim high get their destined heaven.)[/B] It seems life has [B]choosen[/B] [B](chosen) [/B]them in order to examine what they can do . Our beloved Holy prophet (p.b.u.h) experienced cruelties of infidels [COLOR="Magenta"]then[/COLOR] (THAN) any other man or prophet . So ,The tragic path of His life [COLOR="Magenta"]has given[/COLOR] [B](GAVE)[/B] him a title of ''Rahmat -ul-alameen'' ,and Haider .

Common man has become hero among large masses by converting the miseries of life .This [COLOR="Magenta"]phenomena[/COLOR] [B]( Phenomenon is singular and phenomena is plural.)[/B] demands heroic endevour . The up and downs are common in every [B]body's[/B] life but what lacks is wit and bravery .Tipo sultan was martyred and named as hero. Because ,he faced misfortunes and even faced death like one who [B]is[/B] [B][/B]going to embrace friend .


All men have equal rights but it is History that tells us a different thing . Many of them were assassinated,put behind the bars ,fired but were reluctant to their cause .Their will power ,to face the tragedy of life [COLOR="Magenta"]have[/COLOR] [B](HAS)[/B] made them hero.

Storms captured me to weigh my courage,
and you assumed it ,i am in difficulty,
I have beaten thy ruthless waves,
I have made my own destiny,
I am the hero of my own life.

It does not imply that hero is never beaten but the one who has been hard done by life .[B]when the scale of tolerance heightened will power then fate knelt down towards the man like a maid.[/B] (Should this sentence be not in present?)[/QUOTE]

[COLOR="DarkRed"][B]
Some grammatical mistakes are coloured and written in bold.
Quite well written. Good use of verses. But, two four line verses in expansion take quarter of words count. :)
Overall, well-done. Keep it up, Sis G![/B][/COLOR]

Suggested corrections have been highlighted.

[QUOTE=SADIA SHAFIQ;458748][B]Show me a hero,I will write you a tragedy[/B]

''Do not seek ease in thy journey of life.
Rather explore signs what is ordained for you.
Face thy mishaps with courage ,
like one's slamming towards your corpse.''

It is oft -quoted that ,''life is not a bed of roses''. [COLOR="magenta"]Life[/COLOR] is a compund of happiness and sufferings ;[COLOR="Magenta"]the more you face the sufferings, the more you will be granted with internal rest.[/COLOR][COLOR="magenta"]so ,it manifests itself [/COLOR] (Is it a separate sentence or part of the sentence?) brave persons have undergone a series of misfortunes but they changed the path of their luck with endless efforts.

The one who aims high, [COLOR="magenta"]get destined heaven[/COLOR]. It seems [COLOR="magenta"]as if[/COLOR] life has choosen them in order to examine what they can do . Our beloved Holy prophet ([COLOR="magenta"]P.B.U.H[/COLOR]) experienced cruelities of infidels [COLOR="magenta"]more than that of any[/COLOR] other man or prophet . So ,[COLOR="magenta"][COLOR="magenta"]the[/COLOR] tragic path of His life has given him a title of [COLOR="magenta"][COLOR="Orange"]''Rahmatal-lil-alameen'' [/COLOR][/COLOR],and Haider .[/COLOR] (Actually this doesn't make sense. Why would tragic path give Him this title? ALMIGHTY ALLAH conferred upon Him this title and sent Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) as blessing for the whole universe)

Common man has become hero among large masses by converting the miseries of life [COLOR="magenta"](By converting miseries into what?)[/COLOR] .This [COLOR="magenta"]phenomenon [/COLOR]demands heroic [COLOR="magenta"]endeavor[/COLOR] . The [COLOR="magenta"]ups[/COLOR] and downs are common in every [COLOR="magenta"]body's[/COLOR] life but what lacks is wit and bravery .Tipo sultan was martyred and named as [COLOR="magenta"]hero because he [/COLOR](This the same sentence so don't separate two clauses) faced misfortunes and even [COLOR="magenta"]faced the death as if he was embracing a friend.[/COLOR]

All men have equal rights but it is History that tells us a different thing. Many of them were assassinated,put behind the bars ,fired but were reluctant to their cause .Their will [COLOR="magenta"]power to face (no comma is required here) [/COLOR]the tragedy of life have made them hero.

Storms captured me to weigh my courage,
and you assumed it ,i am in difficulty,
I have beaten thy ruthless waves,
I have made my own destiny,
I am the hero of my own life.

It does not imply that hero is never beaten but the one [COLOR="magenta"]who has been hard done by life [/COLOR]. (Meaning is not clearly interpreted, what do you mean by 'hard done by life'?) [COLOR="magenta"]when the scale of tolerance heightens will power then fate is on its knees towards the man like a maid[/COLOR] (Use present tense here)[/QUOTE]

Good effort!

[B]Some suggestions:[/B]
Reduce the use of poetic verses. One set of verses written in the beginning of this expansion should be enough.
Take care of sentence structure, tenses, punctuation marks.

@ zuhaib and usman ,

thanx a lot for pointing out my mistakes .There are synatax and grammatical mistakes and incomplete sentences which should be cared now.And ,surely i will do it . I published my expansion without revision and now I have seen numerous mistakes . Well , I am obliged and thankful . So , will write an other one hoping it will present a clear picture .IA,...


Ra Hamat Ul Alameen 'is a title ,no doubt conferred by Allah.but there is a reason of it.Our beloved prophet(S.A.W) faced all the mis deeds of coffers and never decided to avange .and this quality of good attitude is heroic .That's why i have said like that.


@last para
i want to say ''life plays a crucial rule in the making of a hero ,implying he has to face more above then average person ''