Originally Posted by Hamaadtahiir

Is there any way of knowing that how many students actually passed the essay paper? This doesn't imply clearing the whole css exams. I mean apart from 379 acing candidates, how many more have passed the essay exam?

Originally Posted by Xing Lee

Topic: The War on terror has contributed to the growing abuse of human rights

I was woefully unprepared. The paper was the first time I had probably ever written a serious essay, that too of 2500-3000 words. Thought I'd make an outline at the end but then totally forgot about it.

Other than that, I kinda argued against the topic. Not totally though, I did acknowledge that just like all wars generally contribute to the growth of violation of human rights, so has the war on terror, but at the same time I argued that it was important to distinguish between what is actual abuse of human rights & what is false propaganda by both parties of the war through their proxies like the so called human rights council of Pakistan & Jamaat-e-Islami type goons etc. For example, I said that torture on prisoners of war for the sake of humiliating them because of hatred for them and their culture, like what happened in Abu Ghiraid & constantly happens in Gitmo, is a violation of human rights, but torturing them for the sake of genuinely getting information about some terrorist attack that could kill perhaps a 100 people is not a violation of human rights, but, in fact, is a valiant effort to save the right of 100 innocent people to life. If the guy tortured was innocent & he didn't know anything even then torture is justified for this cause. All I can say about that guy is that "shit happens"; he was most probably in the wrong place at the wrong time. So its all very subjective, you can't start chanting abuse of human rights violation for everything under the sun which even remotely looks bad like the so called "missing persons phenomena" or something.

Deaths of terrorists along with their relatives & apparently civilian support network like the tajirs of IED bazaar of SWA are not human rights violations because of their close association & affinity with terrorist eco system and also to save the lives of 100s of other innocent people. I conceded that death of children is regrettable in any situation but left the moral question for the examiner on what should be done if there is a confirmed intelligence report of a terrorist hideout where planning for a major attack on innocent people is being planned & that is the only window of opportunity for getting them before they attack but they also have their children with them there. Should there be a counter terror strike on them where their children would also most probably die or should the government try to save the right of life of 100s of other innocents who might die because of the terrorist attack if its allowed to happen? Which option would be an abuse of human rights? In my opinion killing a few to save more is the only rational choice in this scenario & doesn't constitute human rights violation. Children are human shields and as the guy above, are in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I also suggested that wives of fugitive terrorists should kill their husbands themselves or somehow inform the authorities of their whereabouts otherwise their own deaths by the way of a jet strike or something would not constitute a human rights violation because of their direct support of terrorism. They are a vital part of terrorist eco system.

Overall my essay flowed like a conversion with the examiner on main events which are attributed to human rights violations which, in my opinion, include 9/11 itself, handover of Afghan ambassador Mullah Zaeef to US by Pakistan at the outset of the attack on Afghanistan, later PAF & NATO bombings in Af-Pak region, drone attacks etc. I didn't give out any facts or figures but merely tried to paint the said events from the point of views of all parties involved & their opinions of how what they do does not constitute human rights violations & what I conclude from a holistic point of view about it.

Paragraphs were long as hell & the closing was botched because of a lack of time at the end & looked really cringe worthy. Yikes!

Initially I was pretty upbeat after pouring my heart out in the essay but since then I've come to a realization that the examiner is probably not going to like my overconfidence & the very informal style of writing and will fail me without even giving me a chance.

Originally Posted by Aik Admi

Demonstrative, welcome to the thread. Your experience with essays? Suggestions? Tips?

Originally Posted by Demonstrative

Ummm, I don't remember it as such but I'll try to jot down the few points I could recall. I find banalities repulsive so I never had recourse to things like what is war, what is peace etc etc.

My outline followed more or less the pattern given below:

1. Intro
"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children."
Dwight D. Eisenhower

2. What makes a nation great:

"According to your thought, the greatness of nations lies in their politics, their parties, their conferences, their alliances and treaties.

But mine proclaims that the importance of nations lies in work—work in the field, work in the vineyards, work with the loom, work in the tannery, work in the quarry, work in the timberyard, work in the office and in the press."
-Kahlil Gibran
2.1 Labor (Hardwork implied)
2.2 Justice and Equity
2.3 Education
2.4 Economic Prosperity
....

3. How Wars Preclude Nations from becoming Great:
3.1 Diversion of Intellectual Capital
3.2 Diversion of Financial Capital
...

4. Examples from the Annals of History:
4.1 China:
4.2 Japan
4.3. Syria:
4.4. Egypt: The Rise and Fall
4.5 . Pakistan- Then and Now
"We blame our times, though we are to be blamed,
No fault has time but only us.
We scold the time for all the shame,
Did it have tongue, it would have scolded us."
- Imam Shafi

"Be still sad heart and cease repining,
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining."
- H W. Longfellow


5. Conclusion

It was something on these lines. I never expected to end it like that but for the want of time, I had to. Please note that I never incorporated any quotations in my outline (though I have seen candidates doing that quite often).

I don't think flowery expression is synonymous with those complex sentences. I started my essay with something like ...blood gushing through streets, smoke sucking through air, fire licking the buildings, whinning mothers, crying babies, weeping fathers and swirling bodies are the fruits of war (excuse me if it sounds meaningless here, not that it had any meaning there, lol).

Here is an example of a repulsive expression: The horrid and gruesome macabre that one witnesses in the restive and morose swathes of land are the upshot of the blood and carnage wreaked by wars and melees.

I hope I am clear.