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  #11  
Old Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Default Comment on my essay

plz comment on my outlines and ignore typing mistakes.
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  #12  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princess 1 View Post
Essay that you ptresent is all about terrorism.

buit every essay consists of three parts

Issues

, causes

remedies



Dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism

1-Issues
a-9\11 attack Superpowee wants war a not doialogue (good point)
b-dialogue reduces tentions after bombai blast (good point)
c-Palestine issue is absence of Successful dialogue. (infact many fruitless dialogues)
d-Afghanistan has internal conflict and no urge of dialogue (it's not an internal conflict anymore, it has spilt over to the neighboring countries and there is an urge for dialgoue)
e-Iraq is politically destabilzed due to lack of consensus
f-India is not agree on peaceful dialogue on Kashmir issue

What do you basically want to prove in the first part of your essay? where is the introduction to the word dialogue?

2-Causes (Causes of terrorism? Who asked in the first place)
a-Kiosk after cold war (soo...??)
b-kashmir issue is cause of mumbai blast (whats your point?)
c-Hamas and Fateh have not one voice for palestine
d-political paties conflict in Afghanistan
e-US involvement in iraq political affairs
f-United nation could not force India for dialogue

3-Remedies

a-unity of muslim world
b-role of ulema
c-role of UN
d-role of OIC
e-Rehabitation and education facilituies in war zone
f-Enlightment

Well a nice effort but it was a bit out of context.

As you have pointed already there is a difference between an essay on Terrorism and this particular essay. but you have made the same mistake your essay seems to be an essay on terrorism or sectariansim but not dialogue and terrorism..we always want an essay to be in the flow i.e. we don't jumps here and there...so the logical path shall be:

what is a dialogue..define a dialogue..
when, where, how, why a dialogue..

what is this war on terrorism about, a brief introduction of what has happened till now..
what are the results of the efforts by different nations till now...

how and why can dialogue fit in the present context..
any examples in the history..
dialogues with whom and when and on what grounds?

What benefits dialgoues will bring?
If not dialogue what else?

Conclusion

please check for points in front of your outline!!!
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  #13  
Old Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Default Thanks abbasbut plz suggest me

My teacher is phd in english he said that an essay should contain three parts

ISSUES

CAUSES


REMEDIES





i join this tuition one week ago thats why my concept is not clear realy i want criticism

Dialogue can be internal means between political parties and with insurgents.

keeping in view ipersent world issues

i present issue of 9\11 and palestine aand mumbai and Kashmir that these issues can be solved with dialogue instead of force.

after it i write causes that kiosk after cold war was the reason of 9\11 and America say no to ddialogue because it want to initiate war on terror
Hammas and fateh are two politrical parties but due to lack of successful dialogue between them Israel is taking advantage
then India is not willing for dialogue but he want to keep this issue out of scene.
then i wrote remedies

Role of ulema
role of media
education
reconstruction of war trodden area
PLZPLZPLZ tell me m i right ,comment on my view

Last edited by Andrew Dufresne; Wednesday, June 30, 2010 at 10:14 PM.
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  #14  
Old Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Originally Posted by princess 1 View Post
PLZPLZPLZ tell me m i right ,comment on my view
young lady...i haf already done that na...
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  #15  
Old Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Default @ AbbaS

Issues
causes
remedies


i took issues of 9\11 palestine kashmir and iraq that dialogue could possible bit not yet made

then write causes why kiosk after cold war america say no to dialogue initiate war on terror.hammas and fateh colud not reach in successful dialogue.because dialogue could between parties then i give remedies .

Plz andrwew i want to clear my pont donot delete my post ok
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  #16  
Old Wednesday, June 30, 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princess 1 View Post
Essay that you ptresent is all about terrorism.

buit every essay consists of three parts

Issues

, causes

remedies



Dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism

1-Issues
a-9\11 attack Superpowee wants war a not doialogue
b-dialogue reduces tentions after bombai blast
c-Palestine issue is absence of Successful dialogue.
d-Afghanistan has internal conflict and no urge of dialogue
e-Iraq is politically destabilzed due to lack of consensus
f-India is not agree on peaceful dialogue on Kashmir issue

2-Causes
a-Kiosk after cold war
b-kashmir issue is cause of mumbai blast
c-Hamas and Fateh have not one voice for palestine
d-political paties conflict in Afghanistan
e-US involvement in iraq political affairs
f-United nation could not force India for dialogue

3-Remedies

a-unity of muslim world
b-role of ulema
c-role of UN
d-role of OIC
e-Rehabitation and education facilituies in war zone
f-Enlightment


okay miss princess....let's take your essay step by step. i hope by the end of it you ll have a clear idea what this essay demanded.

let's analyze your start:

1-Issues
a-9\11 attack Superpowee wants war a not doialogue
b-dialogue reduces tentions after bombai blast
c-Palestine issue is absence of Successful dialogue.
d-Afghanistan has internal conflict and no urge of dialogue
e-Iraq is politically destabilzed due to lack of consensus
f-India is not agree on peaceful dialogue on Kashmir issue

the title was (almost) dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism. now the start of a good/perfect essay demands us to do things:

1- Give the basic definitions or declare what definition of a topic are you considering for example there can be many definitions for a single word. so this means you give a little definition or introduction to the main theme. here you will define what a dialogue is and what terrorism is...

20 the examiner does not want to wait till the end to read your conclusion or to grasp the idea that which side of the topic are you going to support or write about.so your very first paragraph should show what you will talk about and how will you put it.

you on the other hand have started with examples. that is most inappropriate. change your start. and why have you divided your essay in issue, causes and remedies. this essay could be tell them about what you will tell them, tell them and tell them what you told them anyways the start should have an introduction and should impart a fair bit of information to the examiner.

your part should have been to impart the necessasity or the uselessness of a dialogue. it shall depend upon which side you take in the essay. for example if you are for the topic you could right about the mounting civilian causualties throughout the world. the inability of the US to root out Al-Qaeda altogether and other information. Tell the examiner about the history of dialogues on the international dialogues. for examiple the issue between Ireland and England etc etc. even the recent dialogues with the Taliban in AFghanistan could be your touchstone. if you are against the topic you can say that the terroristis follow no religion nor surrender to any civil or divine laws why have a dialogue with such beasts etc etc. this will be the part of essay where you will make or break the essay.

The last part of your essay seems fine...you could identify the stakeholders...how the dialogues should be conducted...under what circumstances and what conditions. who could act as the mediators.. possibily identify the roles of the leading Muslims nations and UN etc.

Give the conclusion in the end...remember to tell them what you have already told them but in a voice that is appealing and attractive!!!

hope this does it...in your essay the sequence seems to be out of line and things are haphazzard.
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  #17  
Old Thursday, July 01, 2010
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Default @ Abbas

I get the point but plz tell me What are issues means if the topic is dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism what r ISSUES for it plz tell me THEN causes and remedies plz write dfown ISSUES CAUSES REMEDIES plz tell me would we take issues from world r what r related ISSUES OF THIS TOPIC
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  #18  
Old Thursday, July 01, 2010
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Originally Posted by princess 1 View Post
I get the point but plz tell me What are issues means if the topic is dialogue is the best way to combat terrorism what r ISSUES for it plz tell me THEN causes and remedies plz write dfown ISSUES CAUSES REMEDIES plz tell me would we take issues from world r what r related ISSUES OF THIS TOPIC
dear princess...i juss simply fail to understand why you have to take this essay in the ISSUES CAUSES AND REMEDIES Context. such a structure can be applied for topics such as "unemployment in Pakistan", or "The state of higher education in pakistan"...

The logical order for penning down the information will be:

What is a dialogue?
Definition of a dialogue.
Why do we employ it?
Should we employ it at this junction to combat terrorism? (this will basically explain your standing on this particular topic)

A brief description on the war on terror.
Discuss the inability of ISAF to control insurgency in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Discuss the civilian and military losses to the countries involved in combating terrorism.
if everything else has failed till now dialogue may be an option.

Dialogue between warring parties is not new.
Example: Ireland and England.
Example: 1948 War on Kashmir and the subsequent intervention of the UN (between India Pakistan).
Example: Dialogues between the Karzai Government and the Taliban (backed actively by UK and dormantly by the States).

Criticism against dialogues could be:
Example: The dialogue and peace process between State of Pakistan and the Talibans in Swat.
Example: North Korea and USA over Nuclear Arsenal.
Example: Israel and Palestine.

Your own support for a dialogue:

1- Wars alone never an option to settle issues (ideological, ethical, religious, political etc). one war leads to another. Arabs not able to move Israel in a battlefield but on a dialogue table they may force Israel to show leniancy towards the Palestine issue.

Why dialogues fail?
lack of will by both the parties: come to table due to external pushes rather than inner inclination.
weak checks and balances by the world monitoring bodies like UN, OIC etc.
weak understanding of the core of the issue.
unfair proposals during a dialogue.
political/economical interests of stronger nations
etc etc

why should we go to a dialogue and with whom? (pakistani Prospect)
all those people who are Pakistani by birth/nationality and are opposing the security forces.
dialogue to be facilitated by the local elders.
expulsion of all foreign nationals.
Role of ulemma and mashaikh to be enhanced.
understanding their point of view and bringing our foreign policies in line with the realities.


Conclusion
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  #19  
Old Thursday, July 01, 2010
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Default @ Abbas

Thank you very muh .plz tell me in case of unemployment what will be issues.Mean i want to know ,what data comprises issues.plz tell me about issues.You realy help out me in a very good way thanks
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Old Thursday, July 01, 2010
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dear we already have those essays discussed in the English Essay section. kindly go through them they shall be helpful inshallah...in case you need some clarification i am always there for any help..


P.S Do pray for my upcoming result
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