No nation can reach the height of glory unless your men are side by side with women. Women are victim of old customs. It is a crime against humanity that women are shut up in the four walls of our houses as prisoners.

M.A Jinnah

I think that this quotation can be quoted at the start essay and one end with

" women empowerment is arguably the greatest social change of the present century". The Economist

There is a very poor and sudden start. It looked like a 10th grader's attempt. the blue italic sentences, words, phrases or dots are either grammatically wrong or lacking the context of usage...

I would honestly suggest you to approach a professional teacher otherwise you will lose your time...

Regards

__________________
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”

Seniors kindly check my essay, i have written introduction, some paragraphs and conclusion as well. writing a complete essay is not possible because of lack of time. Kindly, be critical and precise... everyone could comment, i would not mind whatever suggestions are given-- good or weak

Essay: Status of Women Rights in Pakistan

“No Nation could rise to the height of glory unless your women are side by side with men. We are victims of old customs. It is a crime against humanity that our women are shut up in the four walls of houses as prisoners. There is no sanction anywhere for the deplorable conditions in which women live here”.

Jinnah fully realized the dismal conditions of women in Pakistan and it was his firm belief that without improving the status of women the Pakistani society wouldn’t able embark on the road to progress. It was his vision a half-century ago and unfortunately the society of Pakistan is yet unable to meet this challenge. He was well-aware of the withered conditions of women, especially in the backward regions of country, and of tyrannical social customs. So, in his several addresses to the nation he stressed upon the need of revitalizing the role of women in the society.

“Women in Pakistan are facing multiple challenges resulting from tyrannical social norms, anachronistic traditions and failure of government to bring about any institutional reforms” HRCP

Although, successive governments have repeatedly raised the empty rhetoric of women emancipation, nothing tangible could ever be achieved in this context. Women in Pakistan are still living in withered and deplorable conditions and nothing considerable could have been done for women empowerment and women equality. They are backward in every field of life.
The level of education amongst the women is pathetic. Their participation level in the professional careers is at the lowest ebb, if compared with their counterparts in other regional and developed countries. On the domestic front, they face oppression at the hands of dominant males in various forms.

In its annual report, human rights commission of Pakistan has aptly illustrated grievances of Pakistani women. According to this report 900 women became victim of rape last year and 600 were killed in the name of honour. This report has enlisted different incidences of violence against women showing the appalling conditions of women in Pakistan. Recent two important incidents of violence against women are sufficient to realize the seriousness of issues pertaining to women. In first incident, five women were buried alive in Nasirabad and in the second one a pregnant lady was thrown in front of hungry dogs. Every year thousands of such incidents are reported in the newspapers and filed in the police stations depicting the poor status of women rights in Pakistan.

It is no wrong saying that most serious problem to women is lack of access to education as well as limited facilities at state level for women education. It is rightly said that educate a man, you educate a person and educate a woman, you educate a family. Educate the family, you educate the nation. The literacy rate of women in Pakistan is around 36 % which is very low compared with male literacy rate. Additionally, there are great disparities region to region in the country regarding the literacy rate. In balochistan, interior Sind and tribal regions of country literacy rate of women is negligible. Notwithstanding, separate women colleges, schools and universities are established, their number is too low, especially there is dearth of higher education facilities for women. Women universities and colleges could be counted on finger. ....................

The End of Essay:

The past two centuries have witnessed a remarkable change regarding women rights. Today women are side by side with men in every walk of life either professional or domestic. The Western world has proved that without women development national development is merely a dream that never comes to the reality. How a nation could sustain development without the participation of 50% if its workforce? In fact, all this should be realized by every sensible citizen of Pakistan society. The civil society should press the government for taking steps to improve the status of women rights in the country. Non-government organizations and human rights organizations should hold workshops and initiate other programs to create mass awareness in the society. At least, the access of women to education should be improved so they get enough power to fight for their rights. We should also work together to remove the misconceptions about religion that is a strong factor leading to women abuse. If we are able to improve the socio-economic role of women in the country, we can jump to the road of economic prosperity and development—a fact which is testified by history and present.

Women empowerment is arguably the biggest social change of our times.
The Economist

Quote:

Originally Posted by irfan_ali Essay: Status of Women Rights in Pakistan “No Nation could rise to the height of glory unless your women are side by side with men. We are victims of old customs. It is a crime against humanity that our women are shut up in the four walls of houses as prisoners. There is no sanction anywhere for the deplorable conditions in which women live here”.

-Name of the person whose statement you are quoting need to mentioned.

Quote:

Jinnah fully realized the dismal conditions of women in Pakistan and it was his firm belief that without improving the status of women the Pakistani society wouldn’t able embark on the road to progress. It was his vision a half-century ago and unfortunately the society of Pakistan is yet unable to meet this challenge. He was well-aware of the withered conditions of women, especially in the backward regions of country, and of tyrannical social customs. So, in his several addresses to the nation he stressed upon the need of revitalizing the role of women in the society.

We are not discussing Jinnah's Pakistan here, try to focus on women rights rather then Mr. Jinnah.

Quote:

They are backward in every field of life. The level of education amongst the women is pathetic. Their participation level in the professional careers is at the lowest ebb, if compared with their counterparts in other regional and developed countries. On the domestic front, they face oppression at the hands of dominant males in various forms.

Use of stereo type structures of sentences do not appeal too much. If you have written a simple sentence, try to follow it with by changing the narration or voice of the sentence. For example examine this one:

Whatever field it may be, they are backward and that attributes to the alarming level of illiteracy amongst them. If compared with their counterparts in other regional and developed countries, their participation level in the professional careers is at the lowest ebb. On the domestic front, they face oppression at the hands of dominant males in various forms.

Quote:

In its annual report, human rights commission of Pakistan has illustrated grievances of Pakistani women. According to this report 900 women became victim of rape last year and 600 were killed in the name of honour. This report has enlisted different incidences of violence against women showing the appalling conditions of women in Pakistan. Recent two important incidents of violence against women are sufficient to realize the seriousness of issues pertaining to women. In first incident, five women were buried alive in Nasirabad and in the second one a pregnant lady was thrown in front of hungry dogs. Every year thousands of such incidents are reported in the newspapers and filed in the police stations depicting the poor status of women rights in Pakistan.

- When refreing to yearly reports, do not forget to mention their year of publication viz "Human Rights Watch Report for the year 20XX Reports that ....". Similarly when comparing statistics, compare data on yearly basis clearly mentioning year.

Quote:

It is no wrong saying that most serious problem to women is lack of access to education as well as limited facilities at state level for women education. It is rightly said that educate a man, you educate a person and educate a woman, you educate a family. Educate the family, you educate the nation. [COLOR="Green"]The literacy rate of women in Pakistan is around 36 % which is very low compared with male literacy rate. Additionally, there are great disparities region to region in the country regarding the literacy rate. In balochistan, interior Sind and tribal regions of country literacy rate of women is negligible. Notwithstanding, separate women colleges, schools and universities are established, their number is too low, especially there is dearth of higher education facilities for women. Women universities and colleges could be counted on finger. ....................

-Instead of saying "It is no wrong saying" try "It will not be wrong if said"
-You are using time and again references to the lower rate of illiteracy but not giving any quantitative data?? Compare and highlight the contrast in their literacy rate in Pakistan and across the world/other developing countries.

Quote:

The End of Essay: The past two centuries have witnessed a remarkable change regarding women rights. Today women are side by side with men in every walk of life either professional or domestic. The Western world has proved that without women development national development is merely a dream that never comes to the reality. How a nation could sustain development without the participation of 50% if its workforce? In fact, all this should be realized by every sensible citizen of Pakistan society. The civil society should press the government for taking steps to improve the status of women rights in the country. Non-government organizations and human rights organizations should hold workshops and initiate other programs to create mass awareness in the society. At least, the access of women to education should be improved so they get enough power to fight for their rights. We should also work together to remove the misconceptions about religion that is a strong factor leading to women abuse. If we are able to improve the socio-economic role of women in the country, we can jump to the road of economic prosperity and evelopment—a fact which is testified by history and present.

-Instead of "that never comes to the reality" you may use"that can not be materialized or realized".
-conduct or arrange instead of "hold"
-Remove misconception pertaining to misuse of religious laws not religion itself.

__________________
Thanks & Regards
Faseeh

it needs a lot of time to pin point each and every mistake, your essay is not well-organized and systematic. I wonder if you could make outline first. It would be helpful for you to follow the topic more systematically then. Please make an outline of the essay and post it over here. then write again. In my humble view, this essay does not have that spark to score high. It's not that I am an authority in essay writing, but others can criticize your work well, thats all about it. and I am also thinking of writing an essay now

so, make an outline of this first.

Thanks Faseeh for your valuable comments on my essay. You have rightly pointed out the mistakes. I would try hard taking care of them next time.