Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!!

Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter."

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!


2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?


3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?


4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?


5. At least there's one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!


6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing


7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!


8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.


9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?


10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!


11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!


12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?


13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!


14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?


15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!


16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.


17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.


18. He has a mind like a steel trap-always closed!


19. You are a man of the world-and you know what sad shape the world is in.


20. He is always lost in thought-it's unfamiliar territory.


21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.


22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!


23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?


24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!


25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.


26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.


27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!


28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?


29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.


30. How would you like to feel the way you look?


31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?


32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in the next 10 years?


33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.


34. I don't know who you are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.


35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.


36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?


37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!


38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.


39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?


40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!


41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!


42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!


43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

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The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta,
held as a votive, not in vain, for the value
and veracity of such shall one day vindicate
the vigilant and the virtuous.
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