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My own urdu poetry. Suggest me for improvements. My own urdu poetry. Suggest me for improvements.

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  #1  
Old Tuesday, June 24, 2014
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Default My own urdu poetry. Suggest me for improvements.
جب سے خورشید کا ڈھلتا ہوا چہرہ دیکھا
مجھ کو محسوس ہوا اپنی زندگی کا زوال
کہ اب چلا ہوں مانند اس کہ میں اس دنیا سے
یہ الگ بات ہے چمک نہ سکا اس کی مثال

(Poet : Hammad Ahmad)
Last edited by Sabir Basheer; Tuesday, June 24, 2014 at 11:40 PM.
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Old Tuesday, July 08, 2014
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gud effort...try to make short sentences ..remove extra words...e.g khursheed ka dhalta hua chehra dekha...mehsoos hua zindagi ka zawal...chla hun is misal dunya sy...alag bat na hoska iski misaal..
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