Salam to all members , i tried english to urdu translation, there are some mistakes so plz senior members point out my mistakes.

here is paragraph:

The best way of savouring the charms of East Pakistan is to cruise down one of its rivers. If you are in no hurry to rush from place to place or to catch a plane or train, you would glimpse quiet, unspoilt spots whose loveliness is difficult to describe in conventional terms. Perhaps you would come upon a small river island fantastically shaped with some trees and a hamlet or two, tranquility of the scene, the colour of the trees, and the changing patterns of light and shadows, together would weave for you a tapestry not to be forgotten easily.

Urdu Translation:

Mashriqi Pakistan ki dilkashiyon k mazy lainy ka behtreen tareqa hai k is k daryaon mein say aik ki sair ki jay. Agar ap jaldi mein nahi hain k aik jagah se dosri jagah taizi se jaein ya jahaz ya train pakrrein, ap khamoshi se aik nazar dalein. khobsorat nashan jin ki dilkashi ko rawaiti istilah mein byan karna mushkil hai . Shaid ap kuch drakhton ki shakal o surat k chhoty darya k jazery par ajeeb o ghareeb tareqy se pohnch jaein. Aur aik chhoty gaon ya do, arghwani rang ya sunehri rang ki asmani sham k mukhalif siyah(Black) khaka ho.
Manzar ki khamoshi, drakhton k rang, aur roshni aur sayon(Shadows) k badalty huwy naqshy ap k liyay asani se bholny wala nazara bnaein gay ya khhainchein gay.

Let's practice here friends!as time is very short

Once upon a time I wrote this composition

http://www.cssforum.com.pk/punjab-pu...-papers-4.html

Join me please....werna;

"akelay hain tou kia gham hai?"

Write composition on it;

She was lying on bed and her tears had made the pillow wet.Memories everywhere....

__________________
Love is my Shield,Truth is my Sword,Brain is my Crown,Smile is my Treasure and I'm a Queen;
Quitters never win and Winners never quit..!!!

She was lying on bed and her tears had made the pillow wet.Memories everywhere…….
So many pains she has sufferd from in her young age. She is recalling her memories of good times which turned into bad just in one incident. she have lost her husband in a plan crash .
One year has passed..she wached t.v shows in the memory of that plain crash she is shattered.. she really want to yell.. want to cry.. but her eyes are dry.. she is tired of weeping anymore by reminding her husband’s death . as she cant forget those 4 months of her married life.. those 4 months.. the summary of her whole life.. The full stop on her Smile.. Now she is a widower and a mother of a daughter..!

How fast the time flew..
From Miss to Mrs.… From Mrs. to Widower… and now a widow mother..! all in one year..!
She is very afraid to recall that fateful day. That day marked scars on her soul..
That was a fine morning.. he left for airport.. she still remembers that he asked her to finish his cup of tea.. she was thinking he must have reached.. she called him again and again.. he didn’t receive.. she threw her cell.. and switched on the TV.. Morning Shows.. Film.. Cooking show.. Drama.. she had so many choices..While switching the channels.. she got stunned… her hands shivered.… as she saw the news of rainy weather and a plan crash
she fainted and didn’t know what to do, prayed a lot.. and after few hours.. name of her husband started blinking on the screen.. he survived…. he died..!?
she is now weeping and thinking she was such a liar.. she used to say that she’ll die without him.. see how stubborn she was..her heart still beats.. she still breathe.. she is still alive..
Seems like time has stopped..
That crash left so many emotional scars on her soul.she lives daily.. she dies daily, feel like going to him ..but her little Daughter stops her to do so..! as she is just like her father.
And now when she have face many hard realities in such a young age of 24 she while lying on her bed crying and calling her husband back ,as she want her smiles back, father of her daughter back… and says to her lonliness
I am a bird in a cage.. I wana fly.. Lemme fly..

*Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
and spaces between us
You have come to show you go on*

__________________
mujhe chorh de mere haal par tera kia bhrosa aye humsfar
teri mukhtasar si nawazishein mera dard aur barha na dein.

She was lying on bed and her tears had made the pillow wet.Memories everywhere…….
So many pains she had sufferd from in her young age!She was recalling her memories of good times which turned into bad just after an incident.She lost her husband in a plane crash .
One year had passed.She was watching t.v shows in the memory of that plane crash.She got shattered again. She really wanted to yell, wanted to cry but her eyes were dry.. She was tired of weeping anymore by recalling her husband’s death . She couldn't forget those 4 months of her married life which were summary of her whole life.Her happy life got a full stop. Now she was a widow and a mother of a daughter..!

How fast the time flew;From Miss to Mrs, From Mrs. to widow and now a widow mother, all in one year..!She was too afraid to recall that unfortunate day,that marked scars on her soul.
That was a fine morning.He left for airport.She still remembered that he asked her to finish her cup of tea.She thought that he must have reached.She called him again and again but he didn’t receive.She threw her cell and switched on the TV;Morning Shows, Film, Cooking show, Drama,she had so many choices..While surfing the channels suddenly she got stunned,her hands started shivering as she heard the news of rainy weather and a plane crash.
she got fainted and didn’t know what to do.She prayed a lot and after few hours,name of her husband started blinking on the screen.. he survived…. he died..!?
...................................You have come to show you go on!
_________________________


Dear First of all I must say,you have very good creative writing skill

For taking an initiative

Your story was very heart-touching and you interpreted a woman's feelings so well

Now come to technical mistakes;

1)You should use past tense because you are telling story.Once there was a girl,lying on bed...thinking about memories..why?what happened with her?It is you who is telling so you are story narrator,a third person,telling about something which has passed,not happening now.Right?

2)Your story should be divided in paragraphs.You can see my composition for example(link has been shared above)

3)Your sentence structure should be continuous.It means don't break sentences.It's good in Urdu story writing but not in English specially when it is being written for exam not for personal interest.For example see your sentence;
as she cant forget those 4 months of her married life.. those 4 months.. the summary of her whole life..

4)Don't use so many dots(......)They are impressive but again I will say,for urdu stories and for personal English stories,not for exam.One single dot should be there at the end of sentence.

5)Your main emphasis was upon interpretation of emotions.That is good but besides emotions there should be interesting story.For example you could write,

She remembered the day when he proposed her.That was the most beautiful day of her life.The person she loved the most,asked her,"Will you be mine?".She remembered how naughty he was!Everyone liked his jokes which he used to tell during the lecture.Whenever anyone else tried to get close to her,he started quarrelling with her without explaining the reason and she got the reason later.Smile touched her lips when she recalled his possessiveness

(Ehh Cute love story I wrote)

Come on others!Show your hidden talent as my friend did

__________________
Love is my Shield,Truth is my Sword,Brain is my Crown,Smile is my Treasure and I'm a Queen;
Quitters never win and Winners never quit..!!!

How tragic a ten years old girl might have felt having been dealt a miserable hand by her uncle and aunt.
Sadia was one of the happiest doll girls in the world as she was the only child to her happy parents.
Her Father was a millionaire businessman who loved his daughter more than anything else in his life. He drove pleasure from the smiling face of sadia and for her single smile he was ready to risk his all property even his life either. Sadia got her every wish completed just after she voiced it to her dad. He spread a beautiful carpet of all possible happiness beneath the mild feet of her baby daughter. Mother of Sadia was a housewife and was, in fact, a great lover of her baby daughter. Her love, care and concern for Sadia had no limits. Sadia was ,thus, recipient of such an extreme degree of parental love and care.
She lived nine years of her exciting life full of love and bliss with her family.
“NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD” this rule of nature finally applied to her happiness and finally a black day dawned in her life.
One day she was going to enjoy a holyday picnic arranged by her father during her summer holidays. Sadia, her Mother and Father were on thier way to the summer holidays camp outside the city that their car met a terrible accident with a fully loaded truck. This accident blew wrath in Sadia’s life and she was completely ruined because her parents lost their lives in it. Though Sadia survived the accident she was yet left as a dead body as her soul was in her parents who died that day. This horrible incident opened a new chapter of sorrows and grief in her life.
Since she was a child her uncle, a known greedy and opportunist by nature, hurried to take her responsibility only because she was heir to a millionaire father. Since then she lived with her uncle’s family. Her uncle and aunt treated her like a servant and assigned her a secondary value in their family. She had to listen a rough language in response to her wish that she ever made to uncle. Once a kid princess now began to suffer scolds , ill treatment and physical pain too at the hand of a merciless family.
These episodes of sorrowful life take her to the glorious past of blissful memories when she lived like a queen with her parents .These sweet memories of past when come in conflict with the bitter reality of present, her heart is filled with sorrow and her eyes with tears and nothing can stop her tear rain………………

@Pureapak Excellent effort

Your sentence structure is very good as well as written expression

There are a few mistakes including typo,hope you wouldn't mind

And in last lines you used present tense,it didn't suit because the line I wrote was also in past tense.If you think it suits,I'm no one to object

Kindly tell me,you used "Blew wrath",is it Idiom?


How tragic a ten years old girl might have felt having been dealt a miserable hand by her uncle and aunt.
Sadia was one of the happiest doll girls in the world as she was the only child to her happy parents.
Her Father was a millionaire businessman who loved his daughter more than anything else in his life. He drove pleasure from the smiling face of sadia and for her single smile he was ready to risk his all property even his life either. Sadia got her every wish completed(Fulfilled) just after she voiced it to her dad. He spread a beautiful carpet of all possible happiness beneath the mild feet of her baby daughter. Mother of Sadia was a housewife and was, in fact, a great lover of her baby daughter. Her love, care and concern for Sadia had no limits. Sadia was ,thus, recipient of such an extreme degree of parental love and care.
She lived nine years of her exciting life full of love and bliss with her family.
“NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WORLD” this rule of nature finally applied to her happiness and finally a black day dawned in her life.
One day she was going to enjoy a holiday picnic arranged by her father during her summer holidays. Sadia, her Mother and Father were on their way to the summer holidays camp outside the city that their car met a terrible accident with a fully loaded truck. This accident blew wrath in Sadia’s life and she was completely ruined because her parents lost their lives in it. Though Sadia survived the accident yet she was left as a dead body as her soul was in her parents who died that day. This horrible incident opened a new chapter of sorrows and grief in her life.
Since she was a child,her uncle, a known greedy and opportunist by nature, hurried to take her responsibility only because she was heir to a millionaire father. Since then she lived with her uncle’s family. Her uncle and aunt treated her like a servant and assigned her a secondary value in their family. She had to listen a rough language in response to her wish that she ever made to uncle. Once a kid princess now began to suffer scolds , ill treatment and physical pain too at the hand of a merciless family.
These episodes of sorrowful life took her to the glorious past of blissful memories when she lived like a queen with her parents .Those sweet memories of past when came in conflict with the bitter reality of present, her heart got filled with sorrow and her eyes with tears and nothing could stop her tear rain………………

__________________
Love is my Shield,Truth is my Sword,Brain is my Crown,Smile is my Treasure and I'm a Queen;
Quitters never win and Winners never quit..!!!

@Farrah

I welcome your corrections with a round of applause
i feel obliged to see such a detailed scrutiny of my passage at your part.
yes i mis spelled the words you well pointed them.

blew wrath is a made expression
break it into blow and wrath.
blow means to explode while the wrath is antonym to happiness.
both here give the meaning,"accident permeated her life with displeasure"

about the concluding sentences which were written in present i would say
"Weeping was a routine for sadia .. when you noted and every time when she remembers her past memories"
for this considerations i gave a present touch at the end of the story....
i dont know it is according to rules or not.
becuase this is the first story i have ever writen....

regards !!

Thanx for showing a big heart

Well according to my knowledge wrath means anger,rage not displeasure or sadness.

Don't you agree?

__________________
Love is my Shield,Truth is my Sword,Brain is my Crown,Smile is my Treasure and I'm a Queen;
Quitters never win and Winners never quit..!!!

yes i do....

but a single world does not necessarily take a single meaning... does it ?

you may check it from oxford concise thesaurus dictionary for your confirmation.


regards..

Couldn't find.Can you please post link?

__________________
Love is my Shield,Truth is my Sword,Brain is my Crown,Smile is my Treasure and I'm a Queen;
Quitters never win and Winners never quit..!!!