help required...plz have a look at my paragraph.

[Baig1]

brothers ... i m trying to improve my English.....
but the problem is how should i confirm that whether i am going in a right direction or not...
so please if check my paragraph,and see if there r any mistakes or change required in format of my paragraph writing ..........
previously i was suggested by u people(forum) to diversify topic by including multiple ideas....
friend do u think it is possible to write multiple ideas in just 250-300 words paragraph..
by the my format of writing a paragraph is ...

-introduction(put some light on the topic).
-Body(two examples in favor/against of topic)..
-Conclusion(extract of the paragraph)...
please leave your comments about paragraph....
thanks.......

Every system of government emerges from its economic system:

Economic system is the backbone of a country and a country is run by its respective government, and a government is composed of various systems. So it can be said that if the economy is strong the country will also be strong, and so will be the systems .If the economic system is weak then the particular country will also be having weak systems.
There are many examples present in the world. The United States of America is the global super power; she has largest army of the world, latest infrastructure, strong government, and strong institutions in every sphere of government all this is due to her strong economic position. Her economic system has provided to her every opportunity to make each and every system of the government strong. So it is clear that ,it is her economic system that has made her so strong .On the contrary, we have examples of third world countries which are backward in every aspect as compared to US or other developed countries .the weak government, the weak infrastructure and weak institutions are some of examples which are due to weak economic system. Pakistan being a third world country is engulfed in such a condition. Even the weak economic system of Pakistan has deprived her of an independent foreign policy, which is the inherent right of a country.
So in conclusion it can be said that economic system has a direct relation to the emergence of a system of government.


Beggars are no choosers:

It is fact that those who seek favor should not dictate giver that what do they like. They must accept whatever is given to them and be happy. As they have buried their inner conscience and killed their courage to do their work by themselves and achieve their objectives. It can be an individual, an institution or a country which has to accept whatever offered that may be against its will, rules or wishes.
A person engulfed in financial problems when lends some money from a bank or a moneylender has no option left with him and accepts all the conditions of lender. These conditions may bring hardship to him and make his life worse. Similarly if any institution that becomes weak and looks outward for help; take the example of a factory that lost control over its internal security due to strike and calls on police for rescue. Then the factory administration becomes weak and has no option left with them. Police may use force against workers which may go from baton-charge to tear gas and firing bullets if situation goes out of control. The possible damage caused is borne by factory administration and they have no say left with them in this matter. And when a country becomes weak itself to deal with her problems and asks the other countries to help then it loses over certain of its freedom. Pakistan is the case in point, most of the time she looked towards IMF for her financial support and she has lost her economic independence. Similarly independent foreign policy has been hijacked by US in favor of strategic and military support.
So in conclusion it can be said that those unable to meet their requirements by themselves and have no strength to go beyond their reach to achieve their aims should accept wholeheartedly whatever offered to them.

[second veiw 786]

Dear brother i have read ur paragraph with an eagle eye. dear u only portary one aspect of economics system. (Only military of United States). And exclude all other major system such as socio-ecomics system, effective performance of institution n etc. dear u should paint impact on their subjects. Moreover, dear u can nt illustrates an example of U.S. Due to economics crisis this year U.S has axed about 700,000 jobs. And wars have lead US in to a disastrous economics crisis. Dear i aim is only to correct u. That if u employ these facts in ur paragraph i may looks obsecure. Another flaw in ur paragraph is the repetition of same words. pls try to avoid this repetition. over all ur paragraph is quite gud.
Pls correct me if i am wrong.
regards
second veiw 786.