Originally Posted by farhan1111

secondly, panacea-a remedy for all diseases, is a single word. you wrote " one of the finest panacea" so it dreates vague impression

Originally Posted by Natiq

I cannot believe this to be true. These kind of things are usually taught in the "academies". By longer, I didn't mean VERY long sentences, just reasonably moderate. Sometimes you can easily conjoin two or three sentences by using conjunctions and punctuation. One can communicate the same thought through both shorter or longer sentences, but the latter will give a better literary and rhetorical effect. It makes you look like a well-read person who can effectively debate on the complexity of issues. As far as errors are concerned, I agree but it just needs a bit of practice to be proficient, (which off-course you are doing). Besides, in the examination when you are so short of time and having so many thoughts flooding your mind, you would like to write as much as possible in the given time; and for this one longer sentence instead of three short ones will save your time too. A break in sentence is also a break in thought, which means more hampering in your flow.

Take this:
Japanese, say, were defeated in World War II. However, they did not lose their hope. Today, Japan is one of the major contributors to global economy.

If I want to conjoin, I can rewrite as:
The Japanese were heavily defeated in World War II, but despite the total devastation of their country they did not lose hope; and today, Japan is one of the major contributors to the global economy.

Also notice that I have added some superlatives for rhetorical effect, because here adding stress is not only justified but draws a more accurate picture of how Japan actually looked like at that time.

Originally Posted by Chauhdary12

AOA

@zareenkhan
Very good expansion. But normally or commonly expansion comes with this title "Hope is the buoy of life"



But there, "one of the finest panacea" is used for 'hope', means hope is one of the finest cure. So, in my view, nothing wrong in that sentence.

Originally Posted by zareenkhan

Please evaluate this expansion.

HOPE IS THE WAY OF LIFE.

Hope is one of the most delicious ingredients of life. It defines the ways on which life is led. It is only hope that encourages people to acheive their desired aims. For defeated, it is the only power that enables them to stand once again in the face of tyranny. For destitutes, it is the only thing they possess. Hope, therefore, constitutes the way of life.

One of the most characteristic attributes of hope is encouragement. It prompts people into translating their dreams into reality. Hope provides them energy to walk along the thorny tracks of life. It means that where there is hope, there is a struggle. For instance, there was a hope among the people of India to live freely. They desired a homeland without foreign domination. In order to acheive independence from British, everyone struggled in the way of freedom. Thus, it can be said that hope compells people to struggle for their lives.

Not only this, hope is one of the finest panacea for the wounds inflicted upon people by time. When people are defeated, it is only hope that makes them fight once again. History bears unmistakable testimony to it. Japanese, say, were defeated in World War II. However, they did not lose their hope. Today, Japan is one of the major contributors to global economy. In such a way, hope plays a decisive role in the lives of people.

Therefore, importance of hope in life stands unquestionable. Hope determines the horizons of the progress and prosperity. Hope helps people overcome their fears and makes them inscribers of their own destiny. Hope lets people live their lives. Verily, hope is the way of life.

Originally Posted by xaara~hussain

Overall analysis:

It’s good to see that you have power to pursue the topic given in a good and methodical way and it was a good effort. Ending was good.

But if few things made better, it would be a very decent effort.

1. The sizzling narrative style required in expansion, if you know what I mean. You can say ‘maza nahi aya parh k’
2. The repetition of a concept was there in almost every para
3. Spelling mistakes
4. Hope ki aik example bohot petty hai laikin yahan bri achi set hoti hai. Chiyoonti ka baar baar deewar chrhte girna laikin himmat na harna, this gives a lesson of hope to a super creature like us.
5. India wali example ki bjaye Kashmir/Palestine ki example do. K they are living in hope. Current scenario ki example would be great.

and how about life's recipe in opening sentence instead of simple 'life'?

panacea ki jaga panaceas hoga. achieve k spelling rut lo, mere wali mistake hai
compells nahi compels.

Originally Posted by zareenkhan

I'm not good at spellings.
And where were you by the way? I've been waiting for your comments for so long.
Aur pata nhn kyn mujhe current scenario ki examples yad nhn parti.
Anyways, thanks.

Originally Posted by zareenkhan

Please evaluate this expansion.

HOPE IS THE WAY OF LIFE.

Hope is one of the most delicious ingredients of life. It defines the ways on which life is led. It is only hope that encourages people to acheive their desired aims. For defeated, it is the only power that enables them to stand once again in the face of tyranny. For destitutes, it is the only thing they possess. Hope, therefore, constitutes the way of life.

One of the most characteristic attributes of hope is encouragement. It prompts people into translating their dreams into reality. Hope provides them energy to walk along the thorny tracks of life. It means that where there is hope, there is a struggle. For instance, there was a hope among the people of India to live freely. They desired a homeland without foreign domination. In order to acheive independence from British, everyone struggled in the way of freedom. Thus, it can be said that hope compells people to struggle for their lives.

Not only this, hope is one of the finest panacea for the wounds inflicted upon people by time. When people are defeated, it is only hope that makes them fight once again. History bears unmistakable testimony to it. Japanese, say, were defeated in World War II. However, they did not lose their hope. Today, Japan is one of the major contributors to global economy. In such a way, hope plays a decisive role in the lives of people.

Therefore, importance of hope in life stands unquestionable. Hope determines the horizons of the progress and prosperity. Hope helps people overcome their fears and makes them inscribers of their own destiny. Hope lets people live their lives. Verily, hope is the way of life.