[QUOTE=ProgressiveError;500237]It would be very kind if you mention the corrections in brackets against each mistake. :ph34r:[/QUOTE]

Rome was not built in one day

[COLOR="SeaGreen"]Human history is witness, all the great achievements and all the huge successes that required continuous efforts and struggles.[/COLOR] [B](Human history witnesses that all great achievements and successes required continuous efforts and struggles.)[/B] In early times, Rome was one of the [COLOR="seagreen"]great[/COLOR] ([B]greatest[/B])and successful empires of the world. However, it took centuries to bring Rome to that glorious status. None of adept works [COLOR="SeaGreen"]were [/COLOR] [B](was)[/B]achieved in days as there [COLOR="SeaGreen"]is[/COLOR] [B](If first clause is in past its 2nd clause should also be in past.)[/B] no shortcut to success. Therefore, [COLOR="SeaGreen"]a continuous chain of nonstop efforts[/COLOR][B] (Do you not feel redundancy?)[/B]is needed to attain desired goals and objectives.

A bird constructs complex and sophisticated nest in days. Selecting a safe place, collecting specks from near and far, and arranging them to make a comfortable living place is a process of days. Nonetheless, it is a tiny task that requires hard work of days. Therefore to achieve higher aims, struggle and hard work is the key irrespective of days. There is no shortcut. Failures should not become hurdles in the journey of success. Rather, they should be taken as opportunities for further successes.

Behind every [COLOR="seagreen"]success[/COLOR][B] (successful)[/B] story there is long course of struggle as success can’t be [COLOR="seagreen"]achieve[/COLOR] (achieved) in a short tenure. Every journalist asks a simple question from every position holder student, “What is the reason behind your success?” [COLOR="seagreen"]Beside[/COLOR] [B](besides)[/B] other reasons he gets answer, “daily studies”. The answer merely describes the secret of daily (continuous) studies (effort and hard work) to achieve a certain position. Hence, never try to build Rome in a day as it cannot be built. If, however, it is built it would not be of desired level.

[COLOR="seagreen"]I hope, it is done. :) [/COLOR]

[CENTER][COLOR="SeaGreen"][B][FONT="Arial Black"]Brevity Is The Soul of Wit.[/FONT][/B][/COLOR][/CENTER]

[B]Write an expansion on it. :)[/B]

check my expansion
 

[U][B][SIZE="5"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][/U]

[SIZE="4"]This proverb shows general experience of this world. Tension, tortures,tragedies, hungerness e.t.c are the signs of poverty. This proverb was told by Aristolle. When this poverty remains in limits, then it is all right, but when it crosses its limit, then it finally shakes the soul of people, it revolutionzes and causes crime. Due to poverty, rebellions and crimes are produced. A poor man can do each and every crime and revolutionary activity, because he has nothing to loss. No man comes here in this world rebellious or criminal, but these are only conditions which make him criminal and most important factor of them is poverty.
There are various causes of poverty, which give birth to revolution and crime. A poor man takes gun for bread and butter for his family, for marriage of his sister and daughter or due o extremist behaviour of people. Mostly the crimes committed in Pakistan are due to poverty. You might have heared that 2500 years ago a revolution came in Rome and its main cause was poverty. At that time few people were rich and mostly there were poor people and slaves. So poor people were ill-treated and disgraced in every field of life, their women were sold, raped and tortured. But suddenly walls of poverty were broken, then all poor people brought revolution. So hence poverty is considered as father of revolution and crime. As Gandhi says and I qoute " To man with an empty stomach is God", because a man can do each and every thing for acquiring food. Mostly poverty occurs due to bad policies of rulers. If politicians and rulers do not take care of poverty line, then certainely it will lead to production of crimes and revolution, in which politicians and rulers, would themselves be perished.
So from above discussion it is clear that poverty is the main cause of revolution and crime. Due to poverty, a man can do each and every thing in this world for his survival, because he would be at the last stage of his life and at that time, he has to do or die. Then either he will die himself or will kill so many other people.[/SIZE]

[QUOTE=noomee;502243][U][B][SIZE="5"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B][/U]

[SIZE="4"]This proverb shows general experience of this world. Tension, tortures,tragedies, hungerness e.t.c are the signs of poverty. This proverb was told by Aristolle. When this poverty remains in limits, then it is all right, but when it crosses its limit, then it finally shakes the soul of people, it revolutionzes and causes crime. Due to poverty, rebellions and crimes are produced. A poor man can do each and every crime and revolutionary activity, because he has nothing to loss. No man comes here in this world rebellious or criminal, but these are only conditions which make him criminal and most important factor of them is poverty.
There are various causes of poverty, which give birth to revolution and crime. A poor man takes gun for bread and butter for his family, for marriage of his sister and daughter or due o extremist behaviour of people. Mostly the crimes committed in Pakistan are due to poverty. You might have heared that 2500 years ago a revolution came in Rome and its main cause was poverty. At that time few people were rich and mostly there were poor people and slaves. So poor people were ill-treated and disgraced in every field of life, their women were sold, raped and tortured. But suddenly walls of poverty were broken, then all poor people brought revolution. So hence poverty is considered as father of revolution and crime. As Gandhi says and I qoute " To man with an empty stomach is God", because a man can do each and every thing for acquiring food. Mostly poverty occurs due to bad policies of rulers. If politicians and rulers do not take care of poverty line, then certainely it will lead to production of crimes and revolution, in which politicians and rulers, would themselves be perished.
So from above discussion it is clear that poverty is the main cause of revolution and crime. Due to poverty, a man can do each and every thing in this world for his survival, because he would be at the last stage of his life and at that time, he has to do or die. Then either he will die himself or will kill so many other people.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"][B][B]
Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.

Tensions, tortures, tragedies and torments enter in the house where poverty lives in. Poverty shakes the soul of survival. It compels him to revolutionize and commit crime. Poverty makes man rebellion and criminal. The earth, which remains silent for years, bursts up with burning and boiling volcano. In the very way, man who tolerates and bears, breaks the ice and starts being rebellion and criminal with the passage of time.

A poor man takes gun, sometimes for the milk and food of his family, sometimes for the marriage of his sister or daughter, sometimes for the funeral ceremonies of his relative and sometimes being compelled by inflation. No man comes into world being a criminal. It is what poverty makes him. The crime which is increasing day by day into Pakistan is only because of poverty. Poverty is directly proportional to crime.

2500 years ago, a revolution went into Rome, Brought by the Fighter Spartacus and had almost reached to Parish and crash the Rome. That time, only a few people were rich and had all money. Others were the poor and slaves. Their women were sold, raped and tortured. Men were enslaved and huntered by Rich people. Poverty had killed the thousands and a giant revolution came into Rome. Poverty was the father of revolution in Rome.


Gandhi said, "To a man with an empty stomach food is God." Man can do all for his empty stomach. Pakistan should focus over the root cause of crime and revolution. They would know, it is poverty. Every man should be given equal rights and property. As Prophet Mohammad PBUH did.

“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”[/B]

[url]http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compulsory-subjects/english-precis-composition/expansion-paragraph/66071-my-15-expansions.html[/url][/B][/COLOR]

@zuhaib ahmed
 

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.

Tensions, tortures, tragedies and torments enter [COLOR="Blue"]in the house where poverty lives in.[/COLOR] Poverty shakes the soul of survival.[COLOR="Blue"] It compels him to revolutionize and commit crime.[/COLOR] Poverty [COLOR="Blue"]makes man [/COLOR]rebellion and criminal.[COLOR="Blue"] The earth, which remains silent for years, bursts up with burning and boiling volcano[/COLOR].[COLOR="Blue"] In the very way[/COLOR], [COLOR="Blue"]man who tolerates and bears, breaks the ice and starts being rebellion and criminal with the passage of time.
[/COLOR]
[COLOR="Blue"]A poor man takes gun[/COLOR], sometimes for the milk and food of his family, sometimes for the marriage of his sister or daughter, sometimes for the funeral ceremonies of his relative and [COLOR="Blue"]sometimes being compelled by inflation[/COLOR]. [COLOR="Blue"]No man comes into world being a criminal[/COLOR]. It is what poverty makes him. The crime which is increasing day by day into Pakistan is only because of poverty. Poverty is directly proportional to crime.

2500 years ago, a revolution[COLOR="Blue"] went into Rome[/COLOR], [COLOR="Blue"]Brought by the Fighter Spartacus and had almost reached to Parish and crash the Rome[/COLOR]. That time, only a few people were rich and had all money. Others were the poor and slaves. Their women were sold, raped and tortured. Men were enslaved and [COLOR="Blue"]huntered[/COLOR] by Rich people. Poverty had killed [COLOR="Blue"]the thousands[/COLOR] and a giant[COLOR="Blue"] revolution came into[/COLOR] Rome. Poverty was the father of revolution in Rome.


Gandhi said, "To a man with an empty stomach food is God." Man can do all for his empty stomach. Pakistan should focus [COLOR="Blue"]over the root cause[/COLOR] of crime and revolution. They would know, it is poverty. Every man should be given equal rights and property. As Prophet Mohammad PBUH did.

“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”

[COLOR="Blue"]Your sentences are not complete, most of them are just phrases. Sentences/phrases ive highlighted are either incomplete, missing articles or nt correct english.[/COLOR].

[QUOTE=Natashaaa;502380]Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.

Tensions, tortures, tragedies and torments enter [COLOR="Blue"]in the house where poverty lives in.[/COLOR] Poverty shakes the soul of survival.[COLOR="Blue"] It compels him to revolutionize and commit crime.[/COLOR] Poverty [COLOR="Blue"]makes man [/COLOR]rebellion and criminal.[COLOR="Blue"] The earth, which remains silent for years, bursts up with burning and boiling volcano[/COLOR].[COLOR="Blue"] In the very way[/COLOR], [COLOR="Blue"]man who tolerates and bears, breaks the ice and starts being rebellion and criminal with the passage of time.
[/COLOR]
[COLOR="Blue"]A poor man takes gun[/COLOR], sometimes for the milk and food of his family, sometimes for the marriage of his sister or daughter, sometimes for the funeral ceremonies of his relative and [COLOR="Blue"]sometimes being compelled by inflation[/COLOR]. [COLOR="Blue"]No man comes into world being a criminal[/COLOR]. It is what poverty makes him. The crime which is increasing day by day into Pakistan is only because of poverty. Poverty is directly proportional to crime.

2500 years ago, a revolution[COLOR="Blue"] went into Rome[/COLOR], [COLOR="Blue"]Brought by the Fighter Spartacus and had almost reached to Parish and crash the Rome[/COLOR]. That time, only a few people were rich and had all money. Others were the poor and slaves. Their women were sold, raped and tortured. Men were enslaved and [COLOR="Blue"]huntered[/COLOR] by Rich people. Poverty had killed [COLOR="Blue"]the thousands[/COLOR] and a giant[COLOR="Blue"] revolution came into[/COLOR] Rome. Poverty was the father of revolution in Rome.


Gandhi said, "To a man with an empty stomach food is God." Man can do all for his empty stomach. Pakistan should focus [COLOR="Blue"]over the root cause[/COLOR] of crime and revolution. They would know, it is poverty. Every man should be given equal rights and property. As Prophet Mohammad PBUH did.

“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”

[COLOR="Blue"]Your sentences are not complete, most of them are just phrases. Sentences/phrases ive highlighted are either incomplete, missing articles or nt correct english.[/COLOR].[/QUOTE]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"]Thanks. :)

May I know corrections of these?[/COLOR]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"][B][SIZE="3"]THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

If happiness were created through money and luxuries, rich men would have never been gloomy and sad. Smiles are never permanent. Flowers bloom in the spring and get gloom in the autumn. None can avoid these two seasons of the universe. Undoubtedly, route of happiness gets never completed; it is always under construction.

In the book, Prince of Abyssinia, by Samuel Johnson. Rasselas, the prince, had everything of world. But, he could not live happily in his palace. He left his palace and looked for happiness in the world. And, naturally, he could find it nowhere. Likewise; one cannot have long-lasting happiness and merriments. As Spanish proverb states , "There is no happiness, there are only moments of happiness"

Everyone wants and looks for happiness. Happiness is not an apple which falls itself or one easily plucks it off. It is a road which is rocky, rigid, dried and thorny. One has to stand insurmountable and work hard to across it but he shall find himself frequently unhappy on the road unto happiness. As an olden proverb is, “Call no Man Happy till he is Dead.” Indeed, man lives, expects, desires, feels panic and never lives permanently happy life.

One must try to do those works which give smiles to one's soul. The works which are for betterment of humankind. Every individual should strive to help in constructing the road to happiness. This process of constructing shall go on until and unless there is life on earth.

Do Check It! [/SIZE][/B][/COLOR]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"][B][CENTER][SIZE="3"]An expansion by Proffessor Muzaffar Bukhari![/SIZE][/CENTER][/B][/COLOR]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"][CENTER][B][SIZE="3"]
TRUTH MAY BE ECLIPSED BUT NOT EXTINGUISHED[/SIZE][/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]

[B][COLOR="SeaGreen"][SIZE="2"]The word 'truth' is an abstract noun, but we use many adjectives to describe it: the plain truth, the simple truth, the honest truth, the sober truth, the exact truth, etc. From these phrases it emerges that truth is associated with plainness, simplicity, honesty, sobriety, accuracy, etc. — all desirable, ethically correct virtues.

However, we also use expressions like the bitter truth and the naked truth and this hints at the fact that truth is not always palatable. It is often an impediment, an embarrassment, a disappointment or even a threat. When truth becomes an unwanted stumbling block, man resorts to a cover-up, called a lie. If we probe the anatomy of a lie we come up with all that is undesirable, imperfect, corrupt, negative and vicious in human nature. Truth is light and every falsehood symbolises darkness and every time we lie we are actually attempting to obscure light and bring on darkness.

What we must discover is whether one can succeed in snuffing out the candle of truth altogether. Is the prevailing darkness final or does the darkness at noon give way to light as is observed in an eclipse? An eclipse is a natural phenomenon when a temporary shadow is cast on the sun or the moon. After a predictable time-span, the shadow passes and the sun or the moon begins shining in all its glory. It is to be seen whether the same is the case when an untruth tries to eclipse the truth. History gives us countless examples proving that truth has sometimes been obscured, but never obliterated. Shakespeare's plays often underscore the triumph of good over evil, virtue over vice, truth over falsehood. Tolstoy believed that truth, beauty and goodness combined was a force potent enough to
vanquish evil for ever. In the modern everyday world too there is fresh evidence daily of the subversion of truth for various reasons. Scams and scandals rock economic and political foundations at frequent intervals but the very fact that they are labelled as such indicates that the eclipse will be over and the truth will soon be out. Philip Lee Ralph says: People still believe, deep in their hearts, that truth is stronger than falsehood and will triumph over it: that integrity is better than expediency, that right is better than might.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008[/SIZE][/COLOR][/B]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"][CENTER][B]How to Expand an Idea[/B][/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR="seagreen"]Expansion is a process which is almost opposite in nature to précis-writing.[/COLOR]



[COLOR="seagreen"]Expansion: What it means?[/COLOR]

Expansion is a process which is almost opposite in nature to précis-writing. In the latter case a large passage is condensed into a smaller one, whereas in the former case, a proverb or a maxim or a quotation or any idea given, is expanded or amplified. This undoubtedly, is a more difficult process. Expansion means an enlargement into one paragraph or more of the idea contained in a line or two. What we really expand is the idea given. We do not simply state the idea in different words, we enlarge and elaborate the idea, give illustrations to prove it, explain its application and generally make it concrete and vivid by adding accessory and relevant details.

What is wanted is that the idea given should be clearly developed. But expansion is by no means an essay. In an essay we have a larger scope and greater freedom, but in expanding an idea we keep strictly to what is given, and do not introduce and digressions. An expansion is at times called a ‘miniature essay’. But it cannot be a miniature essay in the strict sense of the term.

AT times ‘Amplification’ or ‘Elaboration’ or some other similar term is used to describe this process. But the process is the same, and students must not be scared by these words.

[COLOR="seagreen"]What is expanded?[/COLOR]
For purpose of expansion generally epigrammatic sayings, maxims or proverbs containing some interesting ideas or hidden meanings are given. There is no point in asking a student to expand the idea in a passage where it has already been elaborately developed. A student may be asked to expand epigrammatic sayings of this type: The first stroke is half the battle. Expansion is a idea is to think out its bearings and applications, to arrange ones thoughts on it, to exclude all that is irrelevant to it.
[COLOR="seagreen"]
How to Expand?[/COLOR]
Note carefully the following instructions:
1. Read the line containing an idea very carefully and think over it for a few minutes. Try to grasp the idea with all its implications. If it is not clear at first devote some more time to it. You should not start writing before you have fully grasped the idea.
2. having grasped the idea and its implications, try to think out its bearings, and all the illustrations, parallels, and accessory details, everything calculated to make it clear and concrete. Jet down the ‘points’ as they come to your mind.
3. Arrange these ‘points’ in the right order. The paragraph or paragraphs which will contain these points must have unity and coherence, like all good paragraphs. That is why nothing far-fetched or irrelevant, should be introduced. The freedom which one enjoys in writing an essay is not allowed in expansion.
4. As we establish or prove the idea given we should clearly indicate the steps leading up to it.
5. One illustrations and, if possible, one quotation, should be normally given. Too many illustrations or quotations spoil one’s expansion.
6. The length of an expansion should be strictly according to the given directions. It is normally from 250 to 300 words.
[COLOR="seagreen"]
What must be avoided?[/COLOR]
The following things should be borne in mind.
1. Never start writing before understanding the idea fully.
2. Never introduce “I” in your expansion. Always write in the third person, or in the first person plural i.e. ‘we’.
3. Avoid quotations, illustrations or references about which you are not sure.
4. Try to cut out all irrelevant matters, frills or figures of speech. Don’t write Urdu verses.
5. The language should be as simple as possible.
6. Care should be taken to revise what is written and, if necessary, a fair copy should be made.
Below we are giving a ‘Specimen of Expansion.’
[COLOR="seagreen"]
Knowledge of Power[/COLOR]
Note: The idea is simple enough.
A man of knowledge possesses great influence.

He is a very powerful man in society. A man of knowledge knows his fellowmen, understands them, and can easily lead them. He also knows himself and can direct his faculties well. He is naturally a man of resource who may after strike out a plan of safety in times of danger. He lays all science, art and nature under tribute. He enslaves the mighty elements of nature.

[COLOR="seagreen"]But how are we to arrange our ideas?[/COLOR]
We should first of all give the reasons which go to prove that knowledge is power. Then we should give some illustrations and quotations. It may not be a bad arrangement if these illustrations and quotations are given along with the reasons explained.
[COLOR="seagreen"]
Expansion[/COLOR]
People may think that it is might that rules. Indeed, even now there are many worshippers of brute power. But a little thinking will show that it is knowledge that rules the world. A man of knowledge possesses immense influence. He has the knowledge of the men and matters around him which mystify or baffle the ignorant. If he is a scientist, he studies the phenomena of nature and chains the mighty forces of nature and enlists them to human service. Thus today the forces of nature give us light, energy, comfort and power. A man of knowledge understands his fellow men and judges them rightly. That is why it becomes easy for him to lead them. He inspires confidence which an ignorant man, however, powerful he otherwise may be, is incapable of doing. In times of danger the man of knowledge proves himself to be a man of resource. Lastly, such a man knows himself and understands himself. There is no knowledge greater than the knowledge of self. Knowing oneself means mastering one’s passions and controlling one’s faculties. These give one immense power.

So the men of knowledge have always achieved wonders. Ulysses, the Greek hero, contributed more to the capture of troy by his wisdom than Ajax did by his strength, or Achilles did by his courage. It was Archimedes the savant, (a very knowledgeable person) who saved Syracuse from Marcellus and his soldiers when the combined efforts of the army and fleet of King Hiero of Syracuse could do very little. Roger Bacon, the medieval scientist, was thought to have supernatural powers, because of his immense knowledge. The Bible says ‘Wisdom strengthens the wise more than ten mighty men which are in the city.’ Hence, it can safely be said that ‘Knowledge is Power’.

[COLOR="seagreen"]Prof Muzaffar Bokhari (Retd)[/COLOR]

[QUOTE=zuhaib ahmed;502329][COLOR="SeaGreen"][B][B]
Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.

Tensions, tortures, tragedies and torments enter[COLOR="Blue"] in (enter the house where poverty lives in.)[/COLOR] the house where poverty lives in. Poverty shakes the soul of [COLOR="Blue"]survival[/COLOR]. It compels[COLOR="Blue"] him(who is 'him' referring to? You haven't mentioned the person or thing in any of your earlier sentences my dear.) [/COLOR]to revolutionize and commit crime. Poverty makes man rebellion and criminal. The earth, which [COLOR="Blue"]remains (tense confusion. consider revising)[/COLOR] silent for years, bursts up with [COLOR="Blue"][COLOR="Blue"](a)[/COLOR] [/COLOR]burning and boiling volcano. In the very way, [COLOR="Blue"](a) [/COLOR]man who tolerates and bears[COLOR="Blue"] (tolerates and bears what?)[/COLOR], breaks the ice and starts being rebellion and criminal with the passage of time.

A poor man [COLOR="Blue"]takes (is it the right verb Zuhaib? I would have preferred 'picks')[/COLOR] gun, sometimes for the milk and food of his family, sometimes for the marriage of his sister or daughter, sometimes for the funeral ceremonies of his relative[COLOR="Blue"](s)[/COLOR] and sometimes being compelled by inflation. No man comes into [COLOR="Blue"](the/this) [/COLOR]world being a criminal. It is what poverty makes him. [COLOR="Blue"]The crime which is (crimes which are)[/COLOR] increasing day by day [COLOR="Blue"]into (Wouldn't only 'in' do?)[/COLOR] Pakistan is only because of poverty. Poverty is directly proportional to crime.

2500 years ago, a revolution [COLOR="Blue"]went into (consider revising this verb)[/COLOR] Rome, [COLOR="Blue"]B[/COLOR]rought[COLOR="Blue"] (a capital letter in the middle of a sentence???? Zuhaib bhai kya ho gya he apko?)[/COLOR] by the Fighter Spartacus and had almost reached to [COLOR="Blue"]P[/COLOR]arish and crash [COLOR="Blue"]the[/COLOR] Rome. That time, only a few people were rich and had all money. Others were the poor and slaves. Their women were sold, raped and tortured. Men were enslaved and [COLOR="Blue"]huntered (is it a genuine verb?)[/COLOR] by [COLOR="Blue"]R[/COLOR]ich people. Poverty had killed [COLOR="Blue"]the[/COLOR] thousands and a giant revolution came in[COLOR="Blue"]to[/COLOR] Rome. Poverty was the father of revolution in Rome.


Gandhi said, "To a man with an empty stomach food is God." Man can do all for his empty stomach. Pakistan should focus [COLOR="Blue"]over (focus takes 'on', thus focus on)[/COLOR] the root cause of crime and revolution. They would know, it is poverty. Every man should be given equal rights and property. As Prophet Mohammad PBUH did.

“When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”[/B]

[url]http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compulsory-subjects/english-precis-composition/expansion-paragraph/66071-my-15-expansions.html[/url][/B][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
I hav tried to give the corrections as well, as far as my knowledge of English enabled me to..