God has given the ability to men to redesign his fate.It does not matter where you born,in what condition,it also does not matter what you were in the past.Because Greatest men in the history were indigent,in miserable state and in pathetic condition in their early days of life but due to their magnificent visions,outclass attempts to mould their future entirely changed their rest of life.Holy Quran also stresses on it and said ' men gets for what he strive for".

Men fails just due to having fear of failure.Also some factions believe that they will get what the already written for them but they overlook the possibility of opening new doors by hard work as sheer luck does not work.You have to go through the gruelling journey to get passionate goal.Nipolean Hill once said"what men conceive and believe,he can".Men should be dare enough to pursue his dreams and never give up till achieving the desired end.

Feel free to criticize.Senior please evaluate my expansion

Examples must be included


Sent from my Lumia 900 using Tapatalk

@Mano..except examples remaining expansion is correct..?

__________________
Every Heart Sings a Song,Incomplete until another Heart Whisper it Back-Plato

You must suggest some sound ways to change the fate i,e determination n hard work ,try again n again n never give up etc...gramtical errors are also there..like men fails..here it should be man


Sent from my Lumia 900 using Tapatalk

it needs a review for grammatical errors as well as examples to make it easy for examiner to pen maximum marks. Words are less too but examples will solve that issue. Simplicity is also absent

__________________
Nahi tera Nasheman K bus Sultani K Gumbaz pe
Tu Shahi h Basera Kar Paharon ki Chatano pe

Thanks..please identify the mistakes so that i could remove them.In addition to it.i will be back with reviewed expansion ,i think that will be more charming than previous one.

__________________
Every Heart Sings a Song,Incomplete until another Heart Whisper it Back-Plato

@Niazi Khan

Let me identify those mistakes. However, in general you try to write long sentences, which is not a good practice.

You have written:
"God has given the ability to men to redesign his fate.It does not matter where you born,in what condition,it also does not matter what you were in the past.Because Greatest men in the history were indigent,in miserable state and in pathetic condition in their early days of life but due to their magnificent visions,outclass attempts to mould their future entirely changed their rest of life.Holy Quran also stresses on it and said ' men gets for what he strive for".

Men fails just due to having fear of failure.Also some factions believe that they will get what the already written for them but they overlook the possibility of opening new doors by hard work as sheer luck does not work.You have to go through the gruelling journey to get passionate goal.Nipolean Hill once said"what men conceive and believe,he can".Men should be dare enough to pursue his dreams and never give up till achieving the desired end.

Suggestions:

1. "It does not matter where you born,in what condition,"
It should be "It does not matter where you "WERE" born.

2. "in what condition,"
This may convey the idea that one was born in miserable labor room conditions.
It should be "in what conditions you were "living or brought up"

3. "Also some factions believe that they will get what the already written for them but they overlook the possibility of opening new doors by hard work as sheer luck does not work."

It should be written as " Some (factions) believe that they will get what "has been" (the) already written for them (but) "thus" they overlook the possibility of opening new doors by hard work as sheer luck does not work "for all".

Add what is written is commas and cross those written in brackets. What is important is that you should understand the cause-effect relationship. For example, you can see that I have replaced "but" with "thus". the reason being that, because if one believes in what has already been written for him (cause) will realize that sheer luck does not work (effect).

Hope it will help.