Plz tell me if iam on rite course for precising

[mhmmdkashif]

One particular aspect of CSS which frightens me is precis writing. Here is my attempt at precising the 2010 passage, apprise me if i am doing it right.

The passage:

Of all the characteristics of ordinary human nature envy is the most unfortunate; not only does the envious person wish to inflict misfortune and do so whenever he can with impunity, but he is also himself rendered unhappy by envy. Instead of deriving pleasure from what he has, he derives pain from what others have. If he can, he deprives others of their advantages, which to him is as desirable as it would be to secure the same advantages himself. If this passion is allowed to run riot it becomes fatal to all excellence, and even the most useful exercise of exceptional skill. Why should a medical man go to see his patients in a car when the laborer has to walk to his work? Why should the scientific investigator be allowed to spend his time in a warm room when others have to face the inclemency of the elements? Why should a man who possesses some rare talent of great importance to the world be saved from the drudgery of his own housework? To such questions envy finds no answer. Fortunately, however, there is in human nature a compensating passion, namely that of admiration. Whosoever wishes to increase human happiness must wish to increase admiration and to diminish envy. What cure is there for envy? For the saint there is the cure of selflessness, though even in the case of saint’s envy of other saints is by no means impossible. But, leaving saints out of account, the only cure of envy in the case of ordinary men and women is happiness, and the difficulty is that envy is itself a terrible obstacle to happiness. But the envious man may say: 'what is the good of telling me that the cure of envy is happiness? i cannot find happiness while i continue to feel envy, and you tell me that i cannot cease to be envious until i find happiness.' but real life is never so logical as this. Merely to realize the cause of one's own envious feeling is to take a long step towards curing them.

Here goes nothing

Envy, a deplorable trait

Of all the traits of human nature, envy is the most unfortunate. A feeling of covetousness particular to envy people not only hurts the person harboring such feelings, it implies him to inflict misfortune on others whenever he can. If this passion is let loose, it becomes fatal to all excellence and exercise of excellent skills. Fortunately, however, there is a compensating passion to such menacing passion within the human nature, and it lies in deriving happiness from admiring others. One possible cure for envy is selflessness, as observed by saints, but the real remedy remains in happiness. Mere realizing the cause of envious feelings allows one to leap-over the hurdle placed by envy to impede him from reaching happiness.
(word statistics: original passage: 348, precis: 120, i.e. 4 words more than in required terse)

[rabelmustafa]

you have done it pretty well.

you have written what is important, you have excluded the explanations (which are to be excluded always), and above all, you have chosen the correct title; which gives the complete idea of what the passage is about. very well done.

[rabelmustafa]

Envy and its cure

Envy is the most unfortunate of all traits of human nature. It is an obstacle to to human happiness. If uncontrolled it kills all excellence and the usage of exceptional skill. It not only makes an envious person desirous of inflicting misfortune on others, but renders him unhappy as well.To compensate envy human nature provides the cure. For saints it lies in selflessness; for ordinary men and women it lies in happiness- which is increased by the of admiration of others.However life in real may not be so logical, thus just realizing the cause of envy provides the first step towards the cure.

[mhmmdkashif]

I m grateful for your response, it was helpful confidence booster.

Your sketch is themed on your own comprehension and it is inscribed in your own words, however mine is themed on the original passage wherein I have tried to trim down the extraneous matter while following the original logical sequencing, as well as lingo, of the original para. Which, you think, is the better approach in resolving this problem???

So far titling is concerned, I postulated it from the first line of the paragraph, but in overall context, it seems your title is more suitable.

[rabelmustafa]

As far as approach to making a precis is concerned, my opinion is that it should be such that it meets the objectives of precis writing. which are:
1. Precis should be such that the need to read the original paragraph may not arise.
2. examiner should understand what the precis is about.
3. it should convey the meaning of the paragraph "as a whole". And not that it should go as the original precis paragraph.
which ever way does that, You take that.