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check my precis also check my precis also

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  #1  
Old Friday, April 19, 2013
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Default check my precis also
original passage from 1989 css paper

Title: Spirit Of Freedom

In ancient times, Greek was the highly civilized nation. They were also threatened by the powers like Barbarous and Persia. But they could not harm the Greek. The spirit of freedom made them unconquered. The Athenians were free people while Egypt, Babylon and Persia was very rich and powerful.Due to strength of freedom, Greek defeated the Persian power.They were the leaders of all amazing victories. Greece did not fall down,because they were gifted with the spirit of freedom.

total words:81
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Old Friday, April 19, 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anam naqvi View Post
original passage from 1989 css paper

Title: Spirit Of Freedom

In ancient times, Greek was the highly civilized nation. They were also threatened by the powers like Barbarous and Persia. But they could not harm the Greek. The spirit of freedom made them unconquered. The Athenians were free people while Egypt, Babylon and Persia was very rich and powerful.Due to strength of freedom, Greek defeated the Persian power.They were the leaders of all amazing victories. Greece did not fall down,because they were gifted with the spirit of freedom.

total words:81
Unimpressive.

1)You have ignored the fundamentals of Precis Writing.
2)Why have you mentioned all the names-Egypt,Babylon,Persia,ets-you can use just "super powers" instead.
3)Grammar mistakes are there,like was is used where were is required ets.
4)Sentences are broken.(almost 8 sentences you have composed while it could be just in 3 sentences)
5)Dearth of coherence and smooth flow.

Look at the following:
The spirit of freedom made Greeks a highly civilized nation in ancient times in which material power was considered to be the guage of strength.They defeated super powers of the time and proved that free men were fully potent.The force of mind and body of the free people allowed them to dominate rest of the world.

Stay blessed.
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The Following User Says Thank You to Durrani Abid For This Useful Post:
anam naqvi (Friday, April 19, 2013)
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