Here is my comprehensive outline. In which I tried to cover every single aspect.


On Tolerance

“Read not to contradict and confute; nor to believe and take for granted; nor to find talk and discourse; but to weigh and consider.

Sir Francis Bacon
Of Study
Introduction
a) What is tolerance
b) Evolution of tolerance
c) Stages of tolerance

1) On Tolerance at Macro Level and its current legal status

1.1) Codified constitutions on tolerance by various states
1.2) 1st amendment of the United States Constitution on freedom of speech, religion and right to assembly.
1.3) Indian amendment act 42 on tolerance secular state
1.4) Indian Article 30 of the constitution protection of minorities
1.5) Article 36 of the constitution of Islamic Republic of Pakistan on protection of minorities guarantees tolerant state
1.6) France on tolerance Equality, liberty and fraternity
1.7) Bangladesh on tolerant secular state
1.8) United Nations Charter promotes tolerant and peaceful societies

2) On Tolerance at individual level

2.1) All religions inculcates on tolerant society
2.2) Surah Al A`araf Ayat 179, on intolerant individual
2.3) Holy Prophet saying quoted in Hadith Tirmidhi on power of educated individual to promote tolerant society
2.4) Individual responsibility to counter wrong narrative of religion and misuse

3) Effect of intolerance collectively

3.1) Psychological warfare and division in the society
3.2) Intolerance leads to riots
3.3) Abstain the progress of economic growth of a nation
3.4) Socio-economic impact on populace
3.5) Exploitation by non-state actors for their vested interests
3.6) Negative image of a state in international community

4) Contemporary Issues vis-a-vis intolerance states

4.1) India as intolerant state and violation of Article 30 and 42nd amendment of its constitution
4.2) Emergence of professional malcontents for their self interest.
4.3) Developed countries and their growing racists intolerance against minorities.
4.4) US presidential candidate Donald Trump and challenging 1st amendment of United States
4.5) Bangladesh Politics on revenge and violation of 1974 Agreement between Pakistan and Bangladesh
4.6)

5) Remedial measures for promoting on tolerance needed at state and individual level

5.1) Avoid breaching of constitution which promotes tolerant society
5.2) Uniform Education system must be ensured to avoid conflicting ideologies and create unity among societies.
5.3) Social uplift by strictly adhering to Article 37 and 38 as per constitution of Pakistan
5.4) Shunning personal avidity and work for common cause for populace
5.5) Strategy of benevolence
5.6) Promotion of Holistic Approach
5.7) Religious false narratives must be countered.
5.8) Bolster the mechanism of state institutions to prevent misuse of loud speakers.

Conclusion

Nice and detailed. However, you should omit irrelevent parts like 2.5, 3.6, etc.

__________________
Best of Luck.

Thank you very much dear. In my CSS 2014 attempt I opted for Great nations win without fighting. I request you to please take a look in that essay as well.
I secured 45 marks in this essay.

http://www.cssforum.com.pk/css-compu...tml#post728183

Regards,

on the whole, it is a comprehensive approach.in part 2 you discussed different constitutional articles, i don't think so that you need to write a separate paragraph for each country, try to discuss them under one heading,don't give its subheading.

Thank You very much for analyzing my essay, I will work on weak section accordingly.

Started with Quotation

“The doom of a nation can be averted with the spark of a glowing passion and only those who are passionate among themselves can arouse passion in others”
Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf)

1) Introduction
2) Retrospect and outlook of Great nations
2.1) Germany and its disturbed region of Bavaria
2.2) France and its unstable island of Corsica
2.3) Great Britain and its independent seeking region of Scotland
2.4) Russian Federation and its relations with central Asia (Eurasian countries)
3) Problems of third world states to become Great nations
3.1) Personal avidity and self-Interest
3.2) Geopolitical agenda by means of using forces
3.3) Regional hegemony by means of fighting
3.4) Political unstable and lack of unity
3.5) Lack of vision oriented leaders
4) Current scenario of third world countries.
4.1) India and Kashmir Issue
4.2) Pakistan and its crippled provinces of Balochistan and KPK
4.3) Bangladeshi politics on History to raise nationalism by fighting
5) Effect on third world countries by means of using force
5.1) Psychological distressed
5.2) Division in society
5.3) Projection of negative image on international communities
5.4) Strict rules and sanctions imposed by developed nations
6) How to become a great nation and win without fighting.
6.1) Shunning personal avidity
6.2) Political will to do attitude
6.3) strengthening good relationships with neighbour countries
6.4) Equality before law at all levels
6.5) Need to adopt strategy of benevolence
6.6) Approach to forget the past and focus on the future mutual understanding
6.7) Positive image on main stream media
7) Conclusion
I know you have cleared it but i would like to add few errors you made. First, key words are not repeated in your sub topics which would have provided more strength to your topic and you could have reached your score upto 55.
But marks also depends on the paper's condition. If essay is targeted to be slaughtered, like in 2015, this particular essay would have been given 30 marks or less. But in 2014 majority cleared essay paper.
By the way nice outline.

__________________
Best of Luck.

Yes indeed. Infact no one knows what examiner exactly look for however, what I believe that examiner probably go for uniqueness so that his interest develops at first place and engage in reading whole outline. Anyway, that was 2014 attempt, but since then I have entangled myself by developing essay style particularly outline followed by reasoning, facts and figures within the confinement of topic. I really appreciate your suggestion and I will rectify myself where-ever flaw is noticed.

I opt this essay from 2015 paper. Kindly take a look.

WAR ON TERROR HAS CONTRIBUTED TO GROWING ABUSE OF HUMAN RIGHT.

“The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes little longer. The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously. The task of a leader is to take his people from where they are to from where they are not”

American Diplomat and Statesman
Henry Kessinger

Introduction:

a) Convoluted definition of Terrorism
b) How to define war on terror?
c) What is terror?
d) Terror as deterrence tool
e) What is human right?
f) Conventional state terror and asymmetric non-conventional terror
g) Large and small scale war on terror gives birth to human rights violation
h) Human rights as per Geneva convention 1949

1) Retrospective and outlook of war on terror and growing number of Human rights violation.

1.1) French Reign of terror and Human Rights abuse in the height of 18th century
1.2) Adolf Hitler aggressive policy contributed to growing abuse of Human Rights (1939-45)
1.3) South African Apartheid and enforced legislation on Racial segregation (1948-94)
1.4) War on terror and Human Rights Abuse in Vietnam War (1965-75)
1.5) Cold War serves as a catalyst on Human Rights abuse (1979-89)
1.6) Sri-lankan prolong 26 years military campaign against Tamil
1.7) Israeli state human rights abuse against Palestinian

2) War on Terror based on distorted religious representation bolster abuse of human rights.

2.1) Sectarian Clash within society promotes human rights abuse
2.2) Abuse of human rights leads to large scale sectarian conflict; Iran-Iraq war (1980-88)
2.3) lack of knowledge about Religion fuels massive growth in abuse of human Rights
2.4) Soviet Intervention in Afghanistan and initiating Jihadist movement in state level promote
Abuse of Human Right against ethnic minorities
2.5) War on terror create Power vacuum enables vocational malcontents to settle personal grudges based on false religious narrative like so called Islamic State of Iraq and Syria

3) War on terror and its catastrophic effect on growing number of human rights abuse in state level

3.1) Sanction imposed by developed countries
3.2) International Isolation
3.3) Socio-economic Crises
3.4) Trade embargo to choke financial lifeline
3.5) Portrayal of negative image in international community
3.6) Psychological division in the society
3.7) Political instability and lack of unity
3.8) Religious intolerance

4) Remedial Measures to curb abuse of war on terror to abstain human rights violation.

4.1) Stern efforts needed to counter false narrative based on religion
4.2) Need to strengthen information warfare to explicate correct constitutional and religious
narrative.
4.3) strictly adhere to international Law and United Nations Charter based on tolerance and
Human rights to get diplomatic as well as international support
4.4) Strategy of benevolence
4.5) Incorporation and implementation of Common Article 3, Geneva Convention 1949,
With additional protocol II in Military manual must be ensured.
4.6) Accountability of responsible individuals and equality of law must be guaranteed
4.7) Inculcation of Education to promote healthy tolerant society
4.8) safeguard the security of person as per Article 9 Constitution of Islamic Republic of Pakistan

Conclusion.

WAR ON TERROR HAS CONTRIBUTED TO GROWING ABUSE OF HUMAN RIGHT.

“The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes little longer. The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvellously. The task of a leader is to take his people from where they are to from where they are not”

American Diplomat and Statesman
Henry Kessinger

Introduction:

a) Convoluted definition of Terrorism
b) How to define war on terror?
c) What is terror? these are the same thing, more or less. Avoid repetition.
d) Terror as deterrence tool
e) What is human right?
f) Conventional state terror and asymmetric non-conventional terror
g) Large and small scale war on terror gives birth to human rights violation BINGO point. But it should have been the last part of intro.
h) Human rights as per Geneva convention 1949... should have been written after e point to make the rhythm right.
HOW many words or paras will you consume on your intro if you are writting 3000 words essay?

1) Retrospective and outlook of war on terror and growing number of Human rights violation.
Nice touch to the historical perspective. But examples of current era would have been more attractive because the essay states that WAR ON TERROR 'has' contributed. The word 'HAS' signals to the current era. To escape the wrath of examiner it would be on a safe side to stick to current examples.
1.1) French Reign of terror and Human Rights abuse in the height of 18th century
1.2) Adolf Hitler aggressive policy contributed to growing abuse of Human Rights (1939-45)
1.3) South African Apartheid and enforced legislation on Racial segregation (1948-94)
1.4) War on terror and Human Rights Abuse in Vietnam War (1965-75)
1.5) Cold War serves as a catalyst on Human Rights abuse (1979-89)
1.6) Sri-lankan prolong 26 years military campaign against Tamil
1.7) Israeli state human rights abuse against Palestinian

2) War on Terror based on distorted religious representation bolster abuse of human rights. Excellent.

2.1) Sectarian Clash within society promotes human rights abuse
2.2) Abuse of human rights leads to large scale sectarian conflict; Iran-Iraq war (1980-88)
2.3) lack of knowledge about Religion fuels massive growth in abuse of human Rights
2.4) Soviet Intervention in Afghanistan and initiating Jihadist movement in state level promote
Abuse of Human Right against ethnic minorities
2.5) War on terror create Power vacuum enables vocational malcontents to settle personal grudges based on false religious narrative like so called Islamic State of Iraq and Syria

3) War on terror and its catastrophic effect on growing number of human rights abuse in state level Diversity brings charm to your essay and here it is your charm of the essay.

3.1) Sanction imposed by developed countries
3.2) International Isolation
3.3) Socio-economic Crises
3.4) Trade embargo to choke financial lifeline
3.5) Portrayal of negative image in international community
3.6) Psychological division in the society
3.7) Political instability and lack of unity
3.8) Religious intolerance

4) Remedial Measures to curb abuse of war on terror to abstain human rights violation. Should have been a small part of your essay as the thesis statement doesn't require remedial measures. It just wants you to prove how has the war on terror contributed to the growing abuse of human rights.

4.1) Stern efforts needed to counter false narrative based on religion
4.2) Need to strengthen information warfare to explicate correct constitutional and religious
narrative.
4.3) strictly adhere to international Law and United Nations Charter based on tolerance and
Human rights to get diplomatic as well as international support
4.4) Strategy of benevolence
4.5) Incorporation and implementation of Common Article 3, Geneva Convention 1949,
With additional protocol II in Military manual must be ensured.
4.6) Accountability of responsible individuals and equality of law must be guaranteed
4.7) Inculcation of Education to promote healthy tolerant society
4.8) safeguard the security of person as per Article 9 Constitution of Islamic Republic of Pakistan

Conclusion.
Remarks. You could have explained the growing abuse going right now. Instead of historical perspective, you could have written the contribution of war on terror to the growing abuse of human rights. And then quoted several examples. Moreover, you could have also utilized the historical perspective by inserting it in the inside of your arguments in a manner for example, while explaining how US's War on Terror has led to the increase of human rights violation in Afghanistan, it can be related to Vietnam's example and ..., similarly you can explain many other examples. Your diversity on topics is just great.

__________________
Best of Luck.

Thank you very much dear. Yes, you noticed it appropriately. Shuffling and adjustment are required. I am pondering on these sectors as well however, whatever I mentioned in my Introductory outline had something already in my mind. Kindly look into it my intro para, because I almost tried to cover all points mentioned, but still I believe there is a room for progression and I will be glade for your contemplation in it.

Thank you once again.

Introduction:

a) Convoluted definition of Terrorism
b) How to define war on terror?
c) What is terror? these are the same thing, more or less. Avoid repetition.
d) Terror as deterrence tool
e) What is human right?
f) Conventional state terror and asymmetric non-conventional terror
g) Large and small scale war on terror gives birth to human rights violation BINGO point. But it should have been the last part of intro.
h) Human rights as per Geneva convention 1949... should have been written after e point to make the rhythm right.
HOW many words or paras will you consume on your intro if you are writting 3000 words essay?


Introduction

War on terror undoubtedly serves the purpose of nation to clear the menace of terror with which it gets threatened, but preliminary factor is that it significantly increases abuse of racial discrimination, psychological vulnerability, torture, ill treatment, religious intolerance which leads to stern abuse of human rights by trespassing basic country`s constitutional spirit as well as legal framework widely acknowledged by international communities however, the substantive factor is to understand convoluted definition of terrorism, because the UN has no internationally agreed explanation of terrorism thus, is it justified to wage war based on terror when there is no firm settlement regarding terrorism?. Terror is basically unlawful use of force or violence against person or property to intimidate either state or individual is called terrorism. Broadly Speaking, terror mainly acts as a deterrence tool to be used by those who possess massive power in their arms to flex military muscles upon lesser states falls under the category of conventional confrontation between states which then further deteriorated into asymmetric warfare. Consequently, serves as a catalyst by growing abuse of human rights negligence conspicuously noticed against the fundamental spirit of Geneva Convention 1949 along with the violation of protocol II set in military manuals agreed by all signatory members.