seniors please check this introductory paragraph for Energy Crises

[shabak]

The deteriorating situation of energy is becoming a nightmare for already ''terror- stricken nation''.Instead of any betterment, energy crises is becoming bad to worse.From the current situation it seems that a more dark future for the Pkistani's is in the offing.This terrible situation is also shaking the foundations of the government .People are becoming violent and uncertainty can be witnessed on their faces.Economy of the country is crippling and the industrialists are trying to shift their industries in other countries.Due to this persistent energy breakdown, overall condition of the country is inching towards complete destruction of the system.Therefore, it is the right time to understand the writing on the wall and in lieu of paying mere lip service some concrete steps must be taken.

[khankhajjak]

very nice brother, keep on practising ..... good thoughts along with good presentation of idieas....

[Alexkahn]

A good effort.My humble suggestion would be to use more simple language.

[shabak]

thanks for commenting but with due respect i think it is simple enough--is it?

[azmatullah]

its really nice effort, but try to include thesis statement in your introductory paragraph

[Alexkahn]

Originally Posted by shabak

thanks for commenting but with due respect i think it is simple enough--is it?

Yes it is..But I think it can be further improved as regards simplicity..May be I am wrong but that's what I observed

[shabak]

plz suggest thesis statement sir it would b so kind of u.