Of politicians and pizza Najmul Hasan
Rizvi (Issues)

9 August 2011Many Pakistanis now want a bigger country because they think administrative talent of a host of political wizards is going waste because of non-availability of suitable posts, Mr Right said spreading a newspaper on the table.

“Well, up to now, we have been good at devising ways to make our country smaller,” I said. “And there is no evidence to suggest that we are capable of adding even an inch of land to our territory by any means. The only way to make our country look big is to adhere to the golden principles of Unity, Faith and Discipline as enunciated by its founder.”

“They say they can make the country bigger by dividing it into more provinces,” Mr Right explained. “The idea has attracted many stalwarts of provincial autonomy and grassroots democracy who say small size provinces will improve governance and make the administrative machinery efficient.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the size of the provinces,” I pointed out. “It’s the second-hand administrative machinery which is causing trouble. Let’s replace its worn-out parts.”
“Sorry, we have stopped talking about new machines, power plants, planes and railway engines, because this shows our lust for commissions and kick-backs,” Mr Right said.

“But by suggesting to remove the worn-out parts of the administrative machinery, I mean to kick out those ‘dead horses’ who are unable to pull the country’s political cart,” I clarified. “It’s not the machine; it’s the man behind the machine that counts.”

“This is most alarming because when the politicians agree on something the country is divided,” I said. “The call for new provinces is not new as once it was proposed to have 17 such units but the proposal was shot down by the government. Now we hear that not only the ruling party but many opposition groups too are inclined to accept the proposal.”

“For politicians, creating new provinces is like cutting a pizza into pieces,” Mr Right remarked. “One can have as many pieces as one likes.”

“But the problem here is that the politicians are still undecided about the number of provinces they wanted to have in the country,” I said. “They are confused and divided over the actual number.”

“This is because if they agree to three new provinces in Punjab and a new province in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, the people of Sindh and Baluchistan might not like it. Everybody now wants the chief minister of the province from his own area,” Mr Right said.

“But all the people supporting the creation of new provinces must also realise that the public treasury can hardly bear expenses of a new army of provincial governors, legislators and ministers,” I said.

“I don’t agree with you,” Mr Right said. “This new corps of provincial administrators can strengthen our defence forces, if trained properly. One should not worry about financial burden too as we have a very efficient state bank which has the capacity to print new currency notes with an amazing speed. The bank can even set up a new paper mill to meet the shortage of paper, if any.”
“There was a time when the whole of today’s Pakistan was served by only one governor and a small cabinet when it was known as West Pakistan, I don’t know why the same area now requires such a big number of administrators? I said. “The current rulers who have the knack for ‘crisis management’ might help the opposition to keep the number of proposed provinces realistic.”
“Very appropriate,” Mr Right said. “A blonde ordered a pizza at a pizza outlet and the booking clerk asked if she wanted six or 12 pieces. She replied, Six please, I could never eat 12 pieces. The rulers must try to keep the number of the new provinces as small as possible, for obvious reasons, of course.”
Najmul Hasan Rizvi is a former Assistant Editor of Khaleej Times