I had tried everything within my premises that are available for me to do in order to live and survive within the space time. It was from studies to romance, from sports to politics, from theory to experiment but the things that I can ponder on and the things which I called as the root causes of pleasure are few i.e.religion, money, sex and power.

One can give immense pleasure to oneself if he has all these things in his/her approach. These things that lie in the mind of majority of people around yourself whom you can see and experience the need for satisfying these things. Within the passage of time the things that become the key elements of your personality are those which affect your everyday life, the experiences that you experience on common days as well as some festivals that come as the part of your life. But the thing that matters the most is religion, money, sex and power.

Let’s know how these things i.e.Religion, money, sex and power influence our lives. In the first place Religion is the faculty of human life which is most sacred and for some people it is the sole reason of living the life. Many times you could come across with a perfectly judged rhetoric that there is no any other thing other than that of performing the religious rituals on daily basis or as per with the requirements of the religion. But inspite of them there is a close connection in which religion is connected with the other key elements highlighted above.

It can be easily enumerated as ,” if some one is doing a job which is against some religious ritual or in sociological terms ‘values’ than that person apart from other factors will soon replenish the cup of some religious drink that will fulfill the inner conflict of the person who is facing that respective situation.” If some one is making money then all the things are right because for performing religious practices you have to get a free time but if the free time is not yet ready to go with you along with the need to practice those things that your religion wants then this faculty of mind makes you as well convinces you that you had not fulfilled some thing that was necessary and that creates the seed of something that is called as the conflict of mind.” Whenever we enjoy the company of friends that are the dear ones and fulfilling the values of the society of our time with some activities like watching movies together or going for some fun from far away to the place where you, for a moment of time, think of offering your religious practice something that will destroy the aurora of the moment in which you are at the specific place of your life then this creates another conflict that mind keeps in pending and whose seed after some time becomes grown up into an element of something that is called as the interior conflict.

If there are plenty of opinions about life and about the different perspectives of life as well doing things in this period whom we called the life of this world then there is a question that arises in mind, why there is Life? The recognition of this question arises with something that comes with the vast experiences and bunch of opinions along with many ‘isms’ followed by powerful and perfectly measured arguments that will unbalance your mind and all the faculties of intellect and at that point you feel yourself struck in some sort of freaky condition thinking yourself abnormal as well as unconditional. Sometimes blaming yourself for all those things that your interior convinces that you had done wrong or vice versa. At this moment you find for a savior the thing that replenish the cup of energy of your sou and fulfill your mind with the power to go into the hunt of Religion, money, sex and power.

At this juncture the pen stops and the mind breaks while sitting on your work table where the universe comes to you and ask from you that compare yourself with the people around you and the way they are living life of their own. Then slowly and gradually you again go towards yourself and think in terms of the elements that compose the basic fabric of mind. At this juncture one begins to shift the attention and divert the thought process of the mind from such a freaky state of mind and starts to think in terms of something by which one could recognize the importance of things around him or her. There he thinks the responsibilities that lie on the shoulders of the person as well as the roles that society gives him to perform.

Now the role conflict begins. If any one who denies the role that society gives him or introduces to him are the questions that are to be answered. Society is something that matters a lot. Volumes have been written for the key structure and comprehension of society. Many great minds have written as well as tried to comprehend this complex whole which is called as society which is a dynamic thing in which changes and the things that are, in the beginning, oppose its basic fabric then becomes its history and make it more comprehensible as well as better.

In world, some most important things are completely invisible whom we can call illusions. For example mathematics, mind, past and future, time and off course society. However these things immense so much power in the life that we hardly recognize them in the life or we at the stage of recognition of these things we come to conclude that we have a very small life left for enjoying this great rule of nature. But i think these things understood by a person who is in his twenties is something which is beyond comprehension.

But the struggle continues!!!

Problems:
This piece lacks coherence, clarity, a suitable voice, has a lot of grammatical mistakes and lacks audience.

Voice:
It is pompous. No one likes to read a pompous piece (Trust me on this one).

Intended Audience:
--You only.
This piece doesn't feel like it is meant to be communicated. It feels more like writer's rumination. Before writing you must always have a picture of your audience in mind, who are you writing for?

You have complicated this piece unnecessarily.
Could've been simpler like "One can get immense pleasure"

It is too subjective

You could simply say that without religion, one feels unfulfilled. Or that the pursuit of money, fame and power wouldn't bring happiness.

It is based on subjective experience, and not on science. Which is fine by me, but the scope of this piece is VERY limited. A lot of people don't see money or religion as important. Also, science tells us that the practices of religion brings you happiness, not its substance. These practices can be undertaken in isolation without the judgment day etc, and still reap the benefit of happiness.

Yes, but only weaklings do this. Had this been true, we wouldn't have progressed in science this far. A great part of science has come by questioning the pre-existing scientific theories.

-It's overgeneralized.

Miscellaneous Problems:
It should be "I HAVE tried within my REACH/GRASP" (Check the meaning of premise).

-"available TO me" not "for me"
-" I can ponder on " Are you sure of this?
-"which I called" It should be "which I CONSIDER" or even "CALL", but not called.
-"It was from studies" Just "From studies"
-"i.e.religion" Remove "i.e."
(I have only checked first paragraph's grammar)

Advice:
-Give more time to thinking and planning before writing. Don't write until you are clear about your stance on the matter.
-Write clearly.
-When writing keep audience in mind. You have an idea, that's good but don't forget that you have to communicate it to others. Communication requires more than just jotting down of an idea - it requires skill to write.
-Your vocabulary is not good. You have used a good variety of words, but some of them are incorrectly used. Like
"enumerated " It should be summarized.
"as well as unconditional" Unconditional is an adjective. Unconditional..... What?
" comprehension of society" Comprehension here is illfitting.
-Work on your grammar.

it seems as if you want to talk about the things which actually give pleasure..but i would like to say that this piece of writing is not much impressive because there is unnecessary repetition of ideas.
P.S..brevity is soul of writing,,you should aim at conciseness.avoid using obscure words/sentences..be clear and precise..

Regards

__________________
consistency is key to success.