Pakistan: A To Z – For Dummies

[muhammadmohsinali]

As Pakistan wobbles between democracy and autocracy, modernity and a return to Zia’s era, balancing itself precariously amid cautious secularism and reckless repression, the world looks on. However, the world has no idea of how to view this country and how to interpret its actions. Reason: a clueless foreign press. I realised this when I came across some slightly ignorant foreign journalists on their recent sojourn to Pakistan. To help these unfortunate few, I decided to create an alphabetical list for Pakistan, a sort of political welcome guide for visiting journalists.

Let’s start from the first alphabet: ‘A’. Pakistan’s greatest challenges begin with this letter. Allah, Army and America. Islam in its entirety has been twisted for political gain in this country. Islamic parties – with hardly any support when it comes to the ballot box – play a significant role in policy-making. The emergence of the Difa-e-Pakistan Council is a case in point. With myriad groups and individuals joining hands against the threats posed by the US and India, this group promises its supporters – and there are many – to ‘ensure the integrity and sovereignty of Pakistan.’

‘A’ also stands for the army; Pakistan’s only alternate to corrupt governments. Pakistan’s army not only defends its people from outer threats but also has a firm hand on the inner dangers brought about by inept “civilian” governments. And for America: the proverbial bad guy. It’s always the ‘American war’ we end up fighting. A is also for Pakistan’s President, Asif Ali Zardari. Entering perhaps his last year in office, there are more and more paradoxes to sort through as the world tries to figure out this leader, who so eloquently speaks of making peace with his enemies but is marred with alleged corruption charges.

‘B’ in Pakistan stands for its forgotten province: Balochistan. Plagued with violence, human rights atrocities and sectarian violence, Balochistan offers many a ground for proxy wars. It is however, a forgotten tale that many do not wish to explore or mend. The fact that Pakistan’s agencies are also fighting an inner war with Baloch separatists, keeps the rest of Pakistan mum on the issue.

‘C’ is synonymous with the Chief Justice of Pakistan. A man who sparked a revolution in Pakistan’s history when he was removed from his position by General Musharraf in 2007 for daring to defy him. He is one man this nation hopes will give them justice.

‘D’ is for drones. For the US, by the US, of the US. Widely condemned by out-of-power Pakistan’s political parties and the ones in power seem powerless to change a goddamned thing. ‘E’ is for energy – which is scarce when needed and in abundance where it’s not required. Pakistan’s courts, it seems, are full of energy while parliament suffers from a lack of it. E is also for Elections – both energy and elections are running on a deadline!

‘F’ is for Fazlur Rehman. The leader of an Islamic party, the JUI-F, the man is a seasoned politician. He has a strong support base and the uncanny ability to swing with the ruling government even while sitting in opposition. He can fake it to make it. Maulana Sahib is changing colours once again...watch this one closely. ‘G’ for GHQ. If you’re pro, you’re sure to visit this place often. If not, you may be forced to visit this place often enough. H stands for our foreign policy. Husain Haqqani, Hussain Haroon, Hina Rabbani Khar and Hermes.

‘I for Imran Khan. He is the change Pakistanis have been yearning for. At least that’s what many of his supporters believe. One of the skills a relatively new politician like Khan possesses is being able to project more than one possibility about himself. One Khan is a visionary, who reframes Pakistan’s policy vis-à-vis with the US and another Khan – who chose Makhdoom Javed Hashmi as his vice chairman – wants to be respected by liberal democrats. He also has the toughness to dictate the dictators (or so he believes). No one knows which side of Khan will win eventually; but if he wins, he will have to reveal his real Imran Khan.

‘J’ for judge-mental. This country seems to be on a pendulum mode swaying between the judges and the mentally unstable. ‘K’ for K..k..k..k...Kayani. The chief of army staff is considered to be Pakistan’s most powerful man. Either you’re him, or you have to be on your ‘K’ for knees to please him.

‘L’ for law and order and legislative assemblies. One is non-existent, the other is spoken about abundantly but still remains a lost cause. ‘M’ for military, mullahs, media and missing persons. One you can’t criticise, one you dare not disapprove of, the other you may not condemn and one you must speak out in favour of. Warning: you just might go missing yourself.

‘N’ is for Nawaz Sharif, the NRO and the National Assembly – all three created by the very establishment that now openly denounces them. ‘O’ for Omar – Mullah Omar and Osama bin Laden. Oops, one was found to be living here for years...Oh God! Let the other one not be hiding here! ‘P’ for Pasha, ‘P’ for Pakistan and ‘P’ for patriotism. Enough said. ‘Q’ for Quetta Shura. Figment of imagination or reality?

‘R’ for Raiwind and Raisani. One, the ‘humble abode’ of Mian Nawaz Sharif, the other, the chief minister of volatile Balochistan. One is a big house: the other, is just a loud mouth! ‘S’ for sectarian killings and Saleem Shahzad. One’s killers cannot be nabbed, the former, don’t exist. ‘T’ for turncoats – their turnaround will turn the fate around of some parties. Eagerly awaited. No regrets, please.

‘U’ for Uncle Sam. It’s always you, Sam! We’re fixated on detecting Sam’s footprints even where our own imprints are obvious. ‘V’ for vendetta. Politics of vendetta. Like they say, “democracy is the best revenge.” ‘W’ for the World Trade Centre, the war on terror and the warriors of God. All which resulted in anarchy and chaos with Pakistan as its epicentre.

‘X’ for the xenophobia that we all suffer from. May it be our religion, our cast, our ethnicity, our language, our provincial boundaries or our fragile sovereignty. We refuse to live and let live and have no tolerance for difference of opinion. ‘Y’ for Yousuf Raza Gilani – why, oh why, Gilani?! Pun intended.

And that brings us to ‘Z’ – President Zardari. He’s the one running the country into a mess. Or so we’re told. He’s the power at the helm of all affairs. Or is he? ‘Z’ also reminds me of Zeus – the all-powerful Greek God famous for manoeuvring minor Greek gods like pawns. Zardari is just one of the players in the power game of this country. Who’s our Zeus is something I don’t need to explain. Not even to foreign journalists.