If u are a Bollywood fan u have surely heard most of these one-liners a million times!

HERO
Tere saamne teri maut khadi hai Kuttay!!
Tumhare liye meri jaan bhi haazir hai!
Mere paas meri maa ka ashirwad hai!
Apne Aaadmiyon se kaho ki bandookein phhek de!
Dunyaki koi takat hame juda nahi kar sakti!
Mere hotey huay tumhara koi baal bhi baaka nahin kar sakta!
Yeh meri maa keh Kangan hai!
Maa, mujhe Ashirwad de!
Khabardaar joe Usse haat bhee lagaya!
Tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to...
Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu...
Arre, tum to mere bicchade huay bhai ho!


HEROINE
Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do!
Hato. Tum bade woh ho !
Naheen!
Mein tumhare bagair nahin reh sakti!
Maa ne tumhe ghar bulaya hai!
Main usse pyar karti hoon!
Humne pyar kiya hai koi gunah nahin!
Kuchh goonde mere pichhe pade hai!
Baar baar mera pichha kyon karte ho!
Koi Dekh Lega!
Maine tumhe kya samjha, aur tum kya nikley!


HERO'S SISTER
Mere bhaiya ko lambi umar dena, bhagwan!
Mere bhai pe koi aanch na aye!
Khabardar jo mujhe chhua bhi, main apni jaan dey doongi!
Bhaiyya, tum mere liye ek pyaari si bhabhi kab laaonge!
Main kissi ko muh dikhane layak nahi rahi!
Bhagwaan ke liye, meri suhaag mat ujaado!
Chhod do mujhe, bhagwaan ke liye chhod do!


VILLAIN
Undoubtedly, the villain has the most fun. He nearly gets close to beat the hero, kidnap his family in the climax. Sometimes he gets the chance to kill them too!
Tum sign karte ho ke nahi ?
Itni achi cheez bhagwaan ke liye rakhi doon. Kabhi nahin!
Ab Saare Hindustan par hamara raaj hoga!
Batao faarmoola kahan hay?
Tumhari maa hamare kabze main hai!
Kahan jaa rahi ho chhamak chhalon!
In gori gori kalaiyon ko kaam karne ki kya zaroorat hai!
Yahan teri izzat bachane koi nahi ayega!
Yahan teri cheekh sunne walah koi nahin!
Bula tere bhagwan ko-- dekhta hoon kaun ata hai?
Kis maai ke laal mein itni himmat hai jo mujhse takrayega?
Gaddari ki ek hi sazaa hoti hai, maut!
Uski koi kamzori hogi, koi maa ya behan?


VILLAIN'S SIDEKICK
Boss, Maine tumhara namak khaya hain!
Boss! Maal pakda gaya!
Tumhe Boss ne bulaya hain!
Ok Boss!


DOCTORS
Mujh par bharosa rakhiye!
I am sorry!
Iska to bahot khoon bahey chooka hai. Phoren operation karna padega!
Bhagwan ne chaha to sab thik hoga!
Badhai ho, tum baap bannay waalay ho!
Iski haalat bahot najook hai!
Tumhe sakt aaram ki jaroorat hai!
Jaldi se woh dawayee lao!
Ab sabh kuch oopar waley ke haath mein hain!
Ab main kuch bhi nahin kar sakta!
Bacche ko to hum ney bacha liya par maa...


THE LAW
Order... Order...
Kanoon Ko apney haath mein mat lo!
Kanoon jazbaat nahi, saboot dekhti hai!
Kanoon ko saboot chahiye!
Tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai!
Mulzim ko baa izzat bari kiya jata hai!
Milord...


HERO/ HEROINE's FATHER
Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain!
Agar toonay aisa kiya toh - mujhse burra koi nahin hogaaa!
Ek baar iske haath pile kar doon, phir mein chain se mar sakta hoon!
Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein!
Beti to paraya dhan hai!
Mere jeeteji yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti!
Main jald hi dahez ki sari rakam chuka doonga!
Yeh aap kya kah rahen hai, bhai sahib!
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe!
Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha?
Main kahta hoon, Door ho jaa meri nazron sey!


MOTHER
Mera Raja beta!
Mera ashirwad sada tere saath hai!
Tujhe ek maa ki aah lagegi!
Mera beta aisa kabhi nahin kar sakta!
Mera beta teri maut bankar aayega, thakur!
Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta...
Mere bete ki raksha karna prabhu!
Kya apni maa ki baat nahi maanega?
Mera achha beta, jaldi se dudh peekar bada ho jaa!
Is budhi maa ka tumhare siwa aur kaun hai?
Mere Raja bete ko aaj mein apne haaton se khilaaongi!
Hey bhagwan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna!
Maine tere liye gajar ka halwa banaya hai!
Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya...
Mar, Mar isse betay, isse ne tere Devata jaise pita ka khoon kiya!


MOTHER-IN-LAW
Chudeil! Kide pade tere...
Tere baap ke bheje huey iss sari ka too kya karegi. Chal, mujhe dey!
Ey Chudail, ab kaha se mooh kala karke aayee hain?
Aah Haa Haa, Maharani, waha baithey baithey kya kar rahi hain!
Arri Kalmoohi, Kaha mar gayi!
Eh Kulta, tere baap ne ab tak dahej ki rakam nahin chukayi!

Shopkeeper:Oh ho Deepika ji , aaiye aaiye. lijiya aap ka sab saaman taiyar..(Someother soap which is not nirma)

Deepika(Customer) :Nahi Nahi ye nahi woh(pointing at nirma).

Shopkeeper:Par aap to woh, hamesha mehnga wala sabun....(stammerin g)

Deepika(Customer) :Leti thi, par wahi safedi wahi jhag mujhe kam damo mein mile to
koi
woh kyun le, ye(nirma) na le!

Shopkeeper:Man gaye!!

Deepika(Customer) :Kise?

Shopkeeper:Aapki par ki nazar aur nirma super dono ko !!!

Now the song starts... ;-)

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

DUDH SE SAFEDI NIRMA SE AAYE

RANGEEN KAPDA BHI KHIL KHIL JAYE

SABKI PASAND NIRMA

WASHING POWDER NIRMA

NIRMA....... ......... ...
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LOGO KO KUCH BHI BHEJO PADHNE LAG JATE HAIN........ KAM KAAJ NAHI HAI NAHI HAI TO KUCH BHI PADH LOGE

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will

a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero).

In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.

When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).

Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
a) pots
a) barrels
a) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
a) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
a) the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:

a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.

b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.

c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.




regards

faryal shah

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay".
Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" every time he sees Shahrukh.

Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.

Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained in every dance sequence in the world.

The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing,there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in the CD.

The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta.

The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.


Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case, Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks!

This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in an art gallery.

Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship. Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan troubled them.

Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Anu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.

Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.

"Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekh na chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahoootdoor le le."

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Since Amitabh Bachchan's is out for Kaun Banega Crorepati, here are a few persons who could audition for the show.

Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.

Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?

Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.

Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.

Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.

Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.

Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.

Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

(dekh tere bhagwaan ki haalat kya ho gayi insaan
kitna badal gaya bhagwaan
kitna badal gaya bhagwaan )
bhukhon ke ghar mein phera na daale
sethon ka ho mehmaan
kitna badal gaya bhagwaan
unhi ki pooja prabhu ko pyaari
jinke ghar lakshmi ki sawaari
jinka dhandha chor bazaari
hamko den bhuukh aur bekaari inko de wardaan
kitna badal gaya bhagwaan
dekh tere bhagwaan ki haalat kya ho gayi insaan
kitna badal gaya bhagwaan
sun kar is paapi ko taano
badal na liijo apano thikaano
he bhagwaan
mhaaro thaaro prem puraano
ham hain thaile tum ho khazaano
bharte rahiyo daas ki jholi dete rahiyo daan
tumhaari jay jay ho bhagwaan
ra : o kitna badal gaya bhagwaan
kitna badal gaya bhagawaan
dhan waale hain bade machhandar
sone ke banwaaye mandar
bhagwan rahate inake andar
khari khari kahata hai kalandar
ban baitha hai is duniya mein dharam se dhan balawaan
kitana badal gaya bhagawaan
do : kitna badal gaya bhagawaan
dekh tere bhagawaan ki haalat kya ho gai insaan
kitana badal gaya bhagawaan
ra : bhuukhon ke ghar mein phera na daale
sethon ka ho mehamaan
kitna badal gaya bhagawaan

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Itni shiddat se maine paas hone ki koshish ki hai,
k har teacher ne mujhe marks dene ki saazish ki hai,
Ye exams bhi apne hindi filmon ki tarah hote hain,
ant tak sab kuch achha ho hi jata hai-HAPPYS ENDINGS.
Agar tum kisi paper mein paas hona chahte ho,
to saari kaaynat tumhe usko paas karane me lag jati hai,
aur agar aisa nahi hota.. to exam abhi khatam nahi hue,
SUPPLY abhi baaki hai mere dost........................

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

hahahaha. faryal u have an excellent sense of humor. really, frigh log kuch bhi parh letay hain. ab jab k hamari (36 common)CTP feb,2009 may hai aur mere pass to waqt hi waqt hai, i normally read everything. but your dialouges by hero and heroin etc r quite good

What if Chartered Accountants start producing movies ???

1. Munnabhai C.A.

2. Hamara Ledger Aapke Paas Hai

3. Kaho na Depreciation Hai

4. Journal Se Balance Sheet Tak

5. Kabhi Credit Kabhi Debit

6. Hum Tax de Chuke Sanam

7. Kya Yehi Credit Period Hai?

8. Main A/cs ki Diwani Hoon

9. Maine Audit kiya

10. Maine Audit kyun kiya

11. Jab Jab Discount Mile

12. Petty Cash Apna Apna

13. Bill hai ke Pass hota nahin

14. Hum hai Accountant bekaar ke

15. Jo Tally hua wohi Trial Balance

16. Bus itna as BYAZ (Interest) hai

17. Tally 7.2 instal karke rakhna

18. Balance sheet ki kasam

19. Kyu Tally ho gaya na

20. Calculater sirf mere liye.



regards

faryal shah

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh
diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c
mein msg de dena.

Dharmendra - Kutte Kaminey, Agar tuune apni maa ki doodh piya hai to
message chodde, warana mein tujhe jinda nahin chodunga.

AJIT's voicemail - Sari duniya mujhe white LION ke naamse janti hai,
jabtak tum messages chhodoge hum bharat se bahut dur ja chuke honge,
robert helicopter chalu karo !!

Ajit : "Smart move". Phone kiya aapne baaahot aaachha kiya Apka nam chod dijiye aur Mona apka phone louta degi ! Please Hiron ki aawaj sunte hi record karna !

Shatru : jis haram-zade ne call kiya hain ... mein us haram-zade ko zindanahi chodunga... jaan se maar dunga

Shatru - AAahoy ! Ye Chenu ka answering m/c hai ! Seedhi taraha se message
chhod de warna mai teri haddi pasli ek kardunga, ! haaa

Shatru - Apne Mangal ko phone kiya hai, koi phate hue tash ke tirpanve
patte ko nahin ! Nam chod dena Ham patta khud jaan lenge !

Raj Kumar : Jaani. Shisheke gharome rahane wale pathar nahi pheka
karate.Tum pathar mat pheko message chodo. Hum jara jaldi me hai.

Jaani yeh answering machine koi bacchon ka khel nahi. hum ko mita sake woh
tumahre msg mein dum nahi.... hum se hain ye m/c .. m/c se hum nahi....

Pran - PATHAN ki ansering m/c.... HUM tereku bola msg chod de warna hum
pathan ka baccha tumara tangdi tod dega

Prem chopra - hum woh hain jo shishe ko patthar se katate hain.... aaapke
msg ki iit ka jawab patthar se denge.... BTW: Mera Naam hai Pre'm, He he
Pre'm Chopra

KESTO - Ihhhiyaa ! saale message Chhod ! nahi to Batli de !! Ihhhiyaa!
Jaldi kar HICH ! Apun ko janeka hai Ihhhiyaa ! ! hick! aay . hick! ye
ansering hick! machine hick! msg ..

Asrani - AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAA ! Phone kiya ! Tune phone kiya RRRRREEEEEE!
Message rakh ! AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA !

Asrani -- adhe log 1 press karo.. adhe log 2 press karo... baki msg
rakho.hum angrezon ke zamane ke jailar hain hA HAAAAAAA.. msg angrezimein
rakho.. HA HAAAAAAA

BINDU - Mera nam hai shabnam, pyar se log mujhe SHABBO kehate
hai...Tumhara naan kya hai !! Tina Mina, Anju, Manju Yaaa Madhuuu.

Shakti - aaauu lalita, Message chhod deee ! warna teri maa ki jaaan
....Aaaauu lalita !! mera naam Balma... badriparsad lalanparsad
malapani... balma..Pyarasa... Nanhasa.. Chotasa ....Balmaa. Aur mere kane
Chaku hai?


Mehmood - Kya bula tu. Mereku kya bola tu. Seedhi tarah se message
rakhaneko bola ... Aur tum muh pe kuphal daal kai baithta kya

Mehmood2 - ayyo dyevi . tum kitna khoobsoorat msg chchodta ji.. Aum yakdam
pagal O jata ji, Aiyo Wanga, Ider Aana, ayyo BinduSSS

Gabbar - main ghar mein nahi hu. ab tera kya hoga re
kalia? raat ko jab tej tej phone ki ghanti bajti hai to maa kehti hai msg
chchod beta varna gabbar nahi sunega ... Yaad rahe Yaha se 50 50 mil ki
doori par jab koi baccha rota hai to maa kahati hai "beta so ja nahi to
gabbar singh ka voice mail Bolega...."

Basanti -yun ki hume jaada bukbuk karne ki aadat to hai nahi . agar mere
liye msg hai to 1 dabana. agar mausi ke liye hai to 2 dabana . agar veeru
ke liye hai to dono dabana . yun ki hume lamba msg rakhne ki aadat to hai
nahi... agar mere liye msg hai...to 1 dabana.......

__________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.