Siddique ada. yes i am working on the discourse markers and coherence along with punctuation, will come over it soon. your critic is welcomed brother

It's good effort but I believe one should not focus on using difficult words while writing the essay to impress examiner.

Essay Key: The key to pass essay in competitive examination is to use simple words, good expressions, should not have any grammar and spelling mistake and should avoid unnecessary material to drag the essay.

Tip: As you already have good expression, vocabulary and good analytical skills you just need to improve grammar, be strict to topic and use simple expression.

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I am afraid I cannot comment over the content in its entirety since I read couple of initial paragraphs only. As to the language part, I reckon that you know tenses good enough and have a decent cache of impressive colloquial words (which sound neither complex nor archaic). Here are few suggestions that may come in handy:

1. You should work on your punctiation, esp the use of semi-colon

2. Writing long sentences in a timed exam is a recipe for disaster. Long sentences entail exceptionally good punctuation and if you find punctuation dreadful, AVOID using long sentences. Unless it is an academic write up (like a research paper), long sentences have the propensity to annoy many out there.

3. Focus on the rules pertaining to correction of errors. These rules tell you about those subtle technicalities that are compelling, yet often go unnotoced.(e.g where you use "in" and where you have to use "into").

Godspeed!

Xcalibre and Demonstrative, I am utterly pleased by your multi-pronged suggestions, will surely act on these guidelines. thanks , As it was my second articulation and i just wanted to assess all the knowledge of my Vocabulary, Grammar and some essay's strategies like Parallelism, coherence and exposition. No doubt there is still lot to learn, as your brothers have mention those prerequisites and flaws which i lake in my writing.