Women in Pakistan: an introduction

[Nisar Ali]

Of the 44 American presidents, none was a woman. A woman, Benazir Bhutto, had been a two-term Prime Minister of Pakistan. In the present government of the country, a woman, Hinna Rabbani Khar, heads the foreign ministry. Again, a woman, Fehmida Mirza, holds the speakership of National Assembly. Moreover, women are a forty percent (not sure) of all federal and provincial legislatures. We could proudly say “yes, our religion and our consitution enjoin on us to empower women.” This situation should convey the impression that women hold a dominant position in our society. However, regrettably, this is not the case. The women mentioned are not the majority. Sixty five percent of our women are still illiterate. Majority of them lives in villages, working on the farms, unpaid and unappreciated. Cases of their abductions, their rapes (and gang rapes), domestic violence to them and honour killings run in thousands. What a contradiction!

[Nasrullah]

Dear Nisar!

Will this be the introduction of your essay?
And, would you please state exactly the title of this essay?


Thanks

[asshh]

@Nisar

Is it an introduction of your essay? If yes, then please mention your topic so that we can help out to each other in order to make it a good one.

Thanks....

[Wali Ahad]

personally i think it is risky to paint the gloomiest possible picture of the situation. infuse some hope into your essay; mention the pro-women legislation being done by the parliament i.e. Prevention of Anti-Women Practices Act, Anti-Sexual Harassment law etc

[Nisar Ali]

Hi all,
Well this is an introduction for any essay on women, directing us to picture the plight of women in the country. It is not that good things are not taking place for women in the country. However, facts are facts. As far as bright note is concerned, read statics of Aurat foundation: thousands of cases of violence still take place, 8539 precisely in 2011. The bills will be depicted in rosy colour at the lower portion of the essay; however, we all know legislation is not having definitive impacts; what we need is execution. By the way, we could end up on bright note in the conclusion. Gloom at the beginning can be balanced with hope at the end. Best of luck to you all and me.

[Nasrullah]

Originally Posted by Nisar Ali

Of the 44 American presidents, none was a woman (Of all the 44 presidents of America woman was none!). A woman, Benazir Bhutto, had been a two-term Prime Minister of Pakistan (had been the Prime Minister of Pakistan for two terms). In the present government of the country (in the present government), a woman, Hinna Rabbani Khar, heads the foreign ministry. Again, a woman, Fehmida Mirza, holds the speakership of National Assembly. Moreover, women are a forty percent (not sure) of all federal and provincial legislatures. We could proudly say “yes, our religion and our consitution enjoin on us to empower women.” This situation should convey the impression that women hold a dominant position in our society. However, regrettably, this is not the case. The women mentioned are not (in)the majority. Sixty five percent of our women are still illiterate. Majority of them lives in villages, working on the farms (works on farms), unpaid and unappreciated. Cases of their abductions, their rapes (and gang rapes), domestic violence to(against) them and honour killings run in thousands. What a contradiction!

Dear,
Dared I've to comment at this piece of your writing. I hope you won't take it amiss,as usual.

Best of Luck.

[Nisar Ali]

Dear Nasrullah,
I have never bragged that my English composition is simply IMPECCABLE. I like such criticism. However, I absolutely disagree with you at your recommendations for these:
Of the 44 American presidents, none was a woman (Of all the 44 presidents of America woman was none!) “woman was none!” this part makes the sentence simply nonsensical and farcical in my meager knowledge.
“Working on the farms (works on farms), unpaid and unappreciated”. I have used a simple sentence by using the second action in present participle. Your suggestion makes the sentence compound. Therefore, it is not the question of whether I am right or you. It is a matter of choice and preference. Using simple sentences by installing gerunds is my preferred way.
“A woman, Benazir Bhutto, had been a two-term Prime Minister of Pakistan (had been the Prime Minister of Pakistan for two terms). In the present government of the country (in the present government), a woman, Hinna Rabbani Khar, heads the foreign ministry.” I am not cocksure but the expression “a two-term PM of Pakistan” is okay. Your recommendation “(had been the Prime Minister of Pakistan for two terms)” is smooth and lengthy to a minuscule extent. This recommendation of yours is at a bit variance with the second recommendation here. In this expression “In the present government of the country (in the present government)” by axing out “of the government” you have reduced my word count. This is very okay with me. I appreciate it.
'Violence to' is not the right expression. I admit.
Please supply recommendation with explanation so that I should not misconstrue your intentions.
Keep on telling me such things, dost.

[Arooje Nasir]

wel..its gud but u shld put facts and statisical ratios in current scenario part where u can discuss them in detail....u can put few of them....introduction shld b like covering overall essay....n giving impressive luk and going from general towards specific point..hope u will get what am saying... alhough im also struggling wanna b csp like u lol.....these are just suggestion .....ur language and sentence structure is gud ...i dun think u need to work on grammar

[Nisar Ali]

Dear Urooje Nasir,
I am in consonance with your opinion. However, I would like to allude to the fact that the introduction to women's essay that I have written above was not a piece of well-cogitated work.I admit there are lapses in the piece. I am working on such things. I hope with suggestions, I can shape how I should write. Criticism is commendable when it is meant to help some one. I wrote to be criticized by way of help. Thanks.

[Arooje Nasir]

ok wish u best of luck hope u will do good in exam