Allow me to introduce you to the murky world of Pakistani politics, and in doing so, help you understand how the country is run and who actually runs it( Ha, the last point is a trick statement!). Pakistan was born a theocratic state( hint:Israel), the irony not lost that its secular leadership-the classy Mr Jinnah- invoked the cause of religion to ask the British for a state of their own. Toynbee, the great British historian, was prescient in his observation that Pakistan was created on the basis of religion and would be destroyed in the fire of religious intolerance and fanaticism. I shall now proceed to provide a brief sketch of the major movers and shakers of Pakistani politics, who continue to entertain the public, with their infinite capacity for hyperbole, hypocrisy and double dealing.

Meet Imran Khan; who really is the sum of his contradictions; former playboy turned philanthropist turned politician, the man who promises a Naya Pakistan but continues to reside in the old one. Imran Khan loves dharnas and has been vehement in charges of election rigging, even as his party, sits in office in KPK. In the aftermath of the May 2013 general elections, the entire political narrative has been restricted to the charge of election rigging, with the effect that no other major issue has been debated, or deliberated upon, whether in parliament or outside it. Pakistan's huge developmental challenges, the rising tide of extremism, the lingering energy crisis have given way to the single most important question: how on earth, is Imran Khan not the PM, of the Islamic republic of Pakistan? The Youthias, as young, over-zealous followers of PTI are known as, cannot understand and are not willing to accept that their 'Kaptaan' is not the national leader, after the overwhelming mandate from the youth and other sections of the Pakistani society. And now a word of caution, if you seek to engage in any constructive criticism of PTI on any social media website, be ready to be abused and labeled as a pig by the many thousand Youthias who prowl the internet, day and night, hoping to catch some Noora engaging in a diatribe against their great leader. For a (democratic?) party that worships Imran Khan, none of this should not come as a surprise.

Now meet the colorful Mr Zardari, formerly known as Mr Ten Percent(for his uncanny reputation of seeking kickbacks on financial deals), who has now, owing to a bullet, sheer fortune and a suspect will, taken over the reigns of the largest political party in Pakistan, the PPP, which is now passed as a family heirloom, from one generation to the next. The man has surprised his critics, undone his opponents and continues to lead amid a barrage of criticism, from all sections of society. If there ever was a Machiavellian figure in the country's political history, it is him. The man specializes in the kind of dirty, below the belt politics that American shows like House of Cards depict; he cajoles, placates, rewards, threatens and yet this is exactly how he managed to survive a full term in office, with a shifty coalition of political partners. Marriage has served Mr Zardari well, and the rest, as they say, is history. The party he now presides over, is moribund in Punjab and half dead in the rest of the country, save for the province of Sindh, where the name of Bhutto still evokes strong sentiments from the native people, who continue to live in that jaded promise of 'Roti, Kapra aur Makaan".

Let us turn to the incumbent PM, Mr Nawaz Sharif, who is also called, depending on the mood or the occasion, as Naraz Sharif or Bekar Sharif, as you please. What we know, for sure, is that the good PM loves his food and for that purpose, travels along with his personal chef, even on foreign tours. He talks little, when in public, listens closely to a tight circle of trusted advisers, trusting not a soul save his brother and conducts the business of the state with no particular urgency. Nawaz Sharif has had a roller coaster of a political career, from his days as governor of Punjab during the Zia days to political exile and threat of execution during the 1999 coup and later, re-election for the third time, to the highest office in the land. Seldom has history given an individual three bites at the apple, but it remains to be seen what legacy, beyond white elephant developmental projects, he leaves behind. Nawaz Sharif is not mediocre but neither is he brilliant in the scheme of ZAB; he is simply a businessman who has entered the sphere of politics to protect and expand his, and by extension, his voter's economic interests. He remains wary of the powerful military, that once removed him from office, and might try to do so again. As the prophecy goes; neither can live while the other survives; only one Sharif shall emerge, victorious and vindicated. The younger Sharif has sometimes been tapped for office but somehow this has never materialized; he is seen as too passionate and hot-headed for his own good, and some of his gaffes are now legend.

A word now about the Islamists within the country, who are organized among different parties, but largely subscribe to the same principles of global Jihad, Shariah law, and a severe distaste for Western secularism. In sum, the mullahs are a funny lot; they know that Western democracy is not compatible with the basic tenants of Islam and yet fiercely contest national elections; they call for a modest living and yet clamor for government ministries and top political positions. The JI's and the JUI's are trapped in their own narrow worldview; they fail to realize, that running the affairs of the state has nothing to do with the religious affiliation of state institutions and that people vote for economic development and infrastructure expansion, not vague promises of imparting moral values to the populace and enforcing some form of Shariah law. Siraj-ul-Haq has emerged as a popular leader of JI of late, owing to his moderate disposition and his capacity to entertain the opinions of others without having to accept them. The religious parties do have street power but this has never translated into electoral clout and despite their ramblings, the mullahs are only marginally relevant to the political discourse in Pakistan.

If you or your family reside in Karachi(or intend to in the future), the less said about MQM, the better. The party- half militant wing, half pressure group- operates as a pseudo-fascist entity that relies heavily on its founder, AH, for political and spiritual guidance. While AH-on political exile-lives in the comfort of his many London flats and apartments, the party remains firmly in his grip; he randomly fires the Raabta Comittee every other month, so that they learn to remain in their place and so that no grouping can possibly form, against him. It is quite a spectacle to see AH address his throng of followers; there is an overbearing silence, as people listen in rapt attention, other takes notes, some with their heads bent in deference to the will of the leader. The spectacular rise of the MQM owes to the sagacious use of ethnicity by AH, who formed the party in 1985, as a means of conveying Mohajir grievances and insecurities, to other ethnic communities. Over time, the party has invested itself into the economic life of Karachi, whether through investments in developmental projects or illegal activities such as extortion and what is known locally as Bhatta( protection money). Despite their fascist tendencies, the party is well organized, cohesive and dynamic, and a strong voice against the growing influence of Taliban and other militant factions in Karachi. But the elephant in the room remains: who shall succeed Altaf Hussain and what shall become of the party after his demise? As of now, no-one has the answer to this question.

And finally, to answer the question of who actually runs Pakistan, allow me to introduce the 'boys'. The boys are obsessed with India, with the concept of strategic depth; the overwhelming fear being that India wants to breakup the country like it did back in 1971, when East Pakistan broke away and formed a separate country- Bangladesh. The boys of course have never apologized for the 1971 genocide, for incidents of mass rape and pillage, and for losing half the country owing to mismanagement and sheer greed of power. Instead, the boys did what they do best; shift the blame, not take responsibility, throw the rubble at the civilians; they accused India of violating Pakistan's sovereignty, of Bhutto for not wanting to give up power, and Mujib, of conspiring with the enemy and forming Mukhti Bahini. In all of this, it is conveniently forgotten what led the Bengalis to ask for a state of their own, a mere two decades after the partition of the sub-continent. In any case, for a short history recap, the boys came to dominate the state apparatus and shape the national discourse by the mid-to late 1950s, and have, ever since, interfered in the political process whether through military coups or indirect handling. The boys don't liked to be called out in the open, even less so, the intelligence agencies. Any criticism of the military, or calls for accountability is detrimental to the national interest of Pakistan, against the 'ideology of Pakistan' and hence tantamount to treason; geddit? This is how the boys roll. Long Live Pakistan Army! Pakistan Zindabaad!